So, few things that I learned: it’s waay more common than I thought to want to use spirituality, to gain something material or concrete out of it; as Captain said, desire is the driving force, for whatever reason I desire some things; I had this preconceived notion that Spirituality means selflessness, love for the other(s) and perhaps even self-sacrifice, along with a notion of purity (although I can not explain it that well) of some sort, plus reaching a Higher Consciousness (something along those lines) (my background = christian, as a child, then I just very briefly studied a lot of stuff, philosophies, different religions, yoga, mysticism, etc.); so, being spiritual, I see that it can mean a lot of things, it doesn’t mean that my reasonings and desires are wrong, but it can be a process, where I can aspire to/for something higher - perhaps in/with time, for now I’m certain of my desires; all of these desires I somewhat considered to be corruptions, human imperfections, lack of higher clarity and beingness, perhaps that’s what they are, yet it all depends on the perspective, for if you ask a Saint/Higher Being they might give you some views and answers, while I have mine lol.
I could, perhaps, add other things/thoughts, but I feel it’s enough for now.
Still, I’ll add this: I’m much more “dirty” (again, it’s just a word) than I wanted to admit, yet it’s far more common than I thought; I did not want to be fake, at least to myself, I wanted to admit what are my reasonings and to realize that my thoughts and desires are opposite of selfless and loving, so for now, I stick with the basics.
Also, in some ways, everything is fake, including basic things like words; they only express something, they convey ideas and feelings, yet they can’t be replacement for them, at a deeper level, we are (made of) emotions, not words, so all our Society, you could say, promotes a level of dishonesty, sure, perhaps a needed one, but a mask/layer over the authentic inner self, nonetheless.
I was a little bit ecclectic, yet I wanted to cover as much as possible.
As a conclusion: even when I did some good, I did it because it felt/feels good, I felt joy (out of it), not because of other reasons; love? Well, I like the feel of it, to be loved and to love, but I think I barely truly love, again, I love the feeling of love, not it’s essence.
Gotta leave for now.
See ya.
Edit:
It would be awesome to get both, I mean if enlightenment is as good as it’s advertising, sure, yet, for now I can’t focus on all things, gotta stick with siddhis lol - but perhaps I’ll get enlightnement from there, perhaps after I’m bored.
Now that you made it clear - it is truly wonderful and spiritual; perhaps everything is spiritual, just that I don’t see it (?)
