Hey man, it sounds like you are having a dark night of the soul which may last several months (or years) for some. Here are some tips (truths) for you to ease that process.
- It is normal. It’s not your fault that you were/are the person that you are judging now.
- Change doesn’t have to be instant. It may be better if you mold your ego into a finer one over time. I had a very rapid ego death once but it didn’t stick with me so I had to establish my new way of doing things through practice over time.
- Change doesn’t have to be painful. Acceptance of the current reality without judgment and letting go of things gracefully is a skill that you can gain quite fast and start applying.
- Know that you are divinely supported in this journey because your vision is virtuous (serves the greater whole)
- Know that you are not the only one. What you’re going through has been walked by millions and millions, many times.
- Know that egodeath is also a beginning. Look on the brighter side.
With those in mind, I think the field you’re asking for is