How to stop those nasty rumors?

#1

Hey folks,

Sigh. It has come to my understanding that another mother, whom I used to talk to, has been spreading malicious rumors about me to all the other school parents.
This happened back in April and she continues to do so.
Luckily, one of my friends told me everything that’s been said and for some reason of the other, every time she sees this toxic mother, the toxic mother has something nasty to say about me. Yet…I haven’t seen her since April. But apparently I’m doing lots of awful things…:roll_eyes:.
I tend to keep the peace around, I hate gossip and I haven’t succumbed to her level of hate. Yet it’s affecting me terribly now.
No one talks to me, they treat me like dirt. They’re abrupt and rude.
According to this toxic mother, I have a problem with her daughter who is autistic.
My daughter befriended her in nursery and was such a dedicated friend.
Each time I went to their house, the mother would put me down and undermine me. She made me feel so uneasy and I was genuinely afraid of her.
One day, she messaged me asking if we could meet up on the Monday of the school holidays. I told her we had plans to visit my friends down south and she sent me a message saying something along the lines of “well, if you don’t want to see us, why don’t you just say? This is ridiculous…” Yadda Yadda.
We had seen them on the Friday…but if I ever had plans or any other friends, she would make me feel terrible about it.
So I stopped talking to her because it was making me very ill (I already suffer major depression. Something she said was my fault.)
I ignored her message.
On the day back from the holidays, she fakely (in front of others) said “oh, hi Ally!” And I just walked away. It was disgusting.
She followed me and even barricaded me on the street (drove down in a rage to literally block me as I was walking down) and was screaming and shouting at me, telling me I was ostracizing her daughter.
She then proceeded to start a rumor that I have a problem with her daughter and now people think I’m a monster.
The truth is, I care a lot about her daughter, but I can’t stand her.
But she is a woman with a business and a big house. I’m a failure to society because of my depression which has caused me to withdraw a lot.
Who will they believe?

I feel really down. Very alone. Disappointed that this has happened.
It’s not showing any sign of stopping and seems to be getting worse.

I just want to come off this planet. I find it really hard. Socialising has always been difficult for me as I find it hard to let people in. I was doing so well and now I’m back to square one.
It’s affecting me greatly. I don’t know what to do. I wish she would get her comeuppance for this. I really do. I wish people could see her for who she really is.

Sorry for the long post, I had to get it out there as I have no one else to talk to.

Does anyone have any advice? I feel so stuck.
Thank you :pray::heart:

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#2

This sounds horrible, I’m so sorry. I am sure this is something you could deal with in different ways, but it sounds like the priority is for this woman to stop talking about you to others. I will have a think about this and will reply again a bit later.

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#3

Thank you so much Joanne :pray:My head is banging from it all. There are some really cruel people in this world.

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#4

Thanks for perspective yesterday so i can help.
Or at least understand.

I think the situation at least needs to faced and dealt with.
If not, you will continue living in pain and anguish.
Because there is no end to the situation,
your daughters go to the same school, you are gonna see her again, and these parents.

People always say be you, dont mind what they say etc.
This may be some of the advice as well.
I dont see how it helps, your name is already tarnished, (perspective wise) she added garbage to your name that you worked hard to keep well.

There may be a hard decision, some may not like the outcome.
But I think its difficult to have a great ending with difficult people.

The only alternative is to hope somebody will stand up for you.
But that really doesn’t happen in real life.
You may have to stand up for you.

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#5

First of all, try to remove this false belief. If we’d all say we’re a failure because of disease X or y, then there wouldn’t be any point in anything.

Not to say accept it. Simply accept that now you’re in this state and accept that you are in a better state soon.

On the other spectrum…

This isn’t necessarily a success. Of course it can be viewed as such, but there’s no point in making comparisons and then based on that thinking one person is better than another.

To the topic:
The lady clearly shows signs of deep insecurities. To go to such lengths to maintain an image of her being a victim and you being a monster takes a lot of effort and resources. She probably has to think about whom to gossip to and what about.

One thing you might underestimate is that the people usually can easily pick up on someone just acting. The people who interact with her might already know this and only remain in the interaction because they get some other benefits.

I would recommend you to stay grounded and use one of the mandalas like lion or Thor, or NFTs like black panther, etc. To let you know that you are a powerful being.

And also the forum is here for support always

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#6

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Captain.

You’re absolutely right. I think I’ll need to stand up to this and find my strength.

Aah…life and it’s complexities with toxic people. It’s never a fun thing. I will develop a way through this.
I’m going to keep being myself, show the other people I’m not this monster I’ve been portrayed
to be.
I hope that the tables will turn soon and people will see the truth.

I feel we are living in very strange times, where people feel the need to sabotage others for their own weird gain.
The energy on this planet feels really off just now.

Thankfully this forum is a respite from it. I am so grateful for that.

Thank you again, Captain. I wish you the very best :pray: you have changed my life in many ways, for the better and I am forever grateful for that.

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#7

So do I
for me and you

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#8

and we all believe in you here.

Solid

:100:

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#9

I know women here will hate me for this but this is a common thing among women, at least in many cultures I know. I can give what Eckhart Tolle suggests -

accept it first, acknowledge that you have a situation to deal - which you already did
do something about it, meaning confront it without reacting at the same time - again you did
remove yourself from the situation - if you can’t improve the situation - cut all contacts in this case

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#10
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#11

Sword of the righteous

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#12

I’ve been in this kind of situation before, a long time ago. And I engaged, and engaged, and defended, and mired in the mess - and it didn’t stop it, it only made it worse.

Some people want to get a reaction out of you. Some people are not happy, and in fact they’re miserable, and they want to get a rise out of someone in order to distract from their pain.

You have been chosen for one reason or another - but you have all the power. You have all the power because you do not need to react and, no reaction may be the best action. Not reacting is not doing nothing; you are cutting off their supply of distraction, the reason you were chosen in the first place.

Withdrawing totally is also a reaction and it will show her she has won.

If you must address a rumor, do so with a trusted person you care about meaning, who do you care believes the rumors? Find those specific people and tell them the truth and then don’t mention it at all.

Rumor milling is a transient thing, it doesn’t last forever- but it will if you feed it. Trust me. If you engage with this, if you give her what she wants which is your attention and reaction, she will feed off it. Stand tall in yourself.

They can’t bat you off forever if you don’t engage in the negativity. Sure you might have to be the “renegade outlaw mom” for awhile, but eventually people come back around. Especially if you’re just there doing things being positive and not really giving anyone a real reason to believe any rumor long term.

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#13

Jesus fucking Christ.
Ally, whenever you’re down, look no further but DM me lol. Just write me. We have a lot of common ground.
I am here for you sweetheart.

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#14

Hey Nice2knowU,

You’re absolutely right. I need to get myself into this frame of mind about my belief about myself. Social conditioning is tough one for me to remove, but I know it can be done :)
Where I stay, success means you’re more advanced in every way (even though it isn’t true, but the people here have that mentality. Aberdeen is full of those who work in oil and they look down on those who don’t. It’s a very strange mentality, but it can mean the difference between having friends and no friends.)

I absolutely agree, she does seem very insecure. She can’t go a day without making fun of another person. It was always uncomfortable to hear those things.
Cutting away from her was one of the biggest reliefs of my life.

Thank you sooo much for your help. Sorry I didn’t reply sooner, I made sure to keep myself busy for the day and feel much better for doing so :slight_smile: the support on this forum has been amazing. I love the Sapien Medicine family :heart:
I will definitely be giving a try of those fields :) I think they would benefit me greatly.

Thank you again, so, so much :heart:
I wish you well :pray:

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#15

Your words give me so much strength :pray:
It means the world to me and I truly do mean that.
Thank you Captain :star2:

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#16

I totally understand what you mean. I grew up with two brothers and can see the contrast.
I think this culture in the UK is quite bad for it too. There seems to be a competitive nature surrounding them and a constant threat.
Although I am blessed to know some wonderful women also.

Thank you, I should really read Eckhart’s work. My mum is a fan of his :slight_smile:

Cutting ties is definitely something I need to do. I quite like the hermit mode…no one can touch you there :slight_smile:

Thank you again :pray: :blush:

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#17

Thank you Owl, this is going on repeat :heart::heart: much appreciated!

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#18

Thank you Imogen :) that field looks perfect for this situation! :heart:

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#19

Hey Jen :slight_smile:

I am so sorry you had to go through this. It’s soul crushing really.
I do agree she gets a thrill from this. Fits perfectly with her sadistic mindset.

You’re right, not reacting is a good idea. It’s become so hard, but I know it will benefit in the long run.
I was thinking to try and tell my story. I was waiting for people to ask me about it as I hate starting conversations the way she did. But I may just have to, especially to those I care about the most.

Your words are really reassuring to me :heart: I thank you so much for that.
I hope all is well at your end also and all resolved.
What a funny world we live in. It just doesn’t make sense sometimes.

Much love :heart:

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#20

Thank you sooo much Midthunder :heart:
I truly appreciate that! I am here for you also :slight_smile:

Honestly, I feel pretty emotional right now (in a good way) reading these heartwarming replies.
Such beautiful, genuine people you are!

I hope you got the bank situation sorted. I was gutted to read that happened to you :frowning:

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