Hello everyone,
So here I have a quite a serious case of family fight and it’s been causing more problems then ever. I’m only a teenager with no experience in life, so I don’t know what to do. Now, I’ll first tell a long story, so you could take into account everything. Many of you have experienced more of life, so you might know more about the choices that would be best. Please help.
My family background is Pakistani. This might already give the some ideas of what is seen as acceptable in our society and the rules we must or should follow. It might make easier for you to give me advices.
So, my mama is a home woman, psychic, quite introverted, religious, grumpy, over-kind, just a bit narrow minded as she was brought up in a village. She comes from a family of farmers who were self sufficient. Overall happy.Before her marriage she was super innocent, she was so religious that she didn’t have any material needs. Nor she knew about robbery, lying, love etc.
My dad on the other hand is a bit stupid I might say, often ends up trusting wrong people, kind, religious, extroverted, really calm temper but when he explodes it’s like the end of the world and finally non-romantic. He comes from a family who were quite well off with their father working abroad. This whole family was full of black hearts. All their life their mom, who comes from prostitute background (she had a 7 month old child before marriage and killed him, born from an unknown man, considered a taboo- only 3-4 people knew of this case) always taught these 5 sons and 1 daughter of hers the one phrase " my son/daughter take advantage".
Marriage in Pakistan between similar family status and relatives is super common. And yes, my parents are far related.
Now, my dad’s in laws wished to find a wealthy daughter in law, however they got my mom. The marriage wasn’t done in happy happy terms. My mom still wasn’t looked upon favourably, treated worse than a servant. My father was mommy’s boy, wherever he went, he would take other women to shopping rather than my mom. Soon, after marriage my mom felt severe heartburn and acid reflux as if she was burning. Just to find out that black magic was performed on her and the talismans were placed in the kitchen stove, so whenever anyone would go to cook and on the fire it would affect her as well. Luckily she got rid of it with help of a shaman.
Right after 1 year of marriage when my mom was pregnant with me, my father went abroad. And that’s when the domestic abuse worsened. She had to work all day, washing everyone’s clothes, washing dishes, cooking, cleaning etc. Other than that, she was treated badly by other women in the house, schemes upon, accused of using black magic. When I was born, everyone in the house felt more hatred then ever and made fun of my mom giving birth to a daughter. She got food, milk powder, nappies, baby snacks and similar stuff robbed from her by her sister-in law who had two sons. Furthermore, she was supposed to pay rent for the room she lived in with me, and my dad’s brother would write down as to whether she payed rent or not.
My mom told me that I was a super naughty child, and would often touch my father in-laws properties such as bike, would get called dirty and would get beaten up. When I would return crying she would beat me up as well because she felt pain that she couldn’t stop any of this from happening. Moreover, she couldn’t buy luxuries such as clothes, milk powder pampers etc for me because whatever income my dad would send for us would get taken by mother in law. Whenever my dad called, my father in-laws would be keeping an eye on her so she wouldn’t say anything that wasn’t supposed to be said. Once she was almost killed by my dad’s youngest brother who came in the house swinging an axe swearing about killing her. Luckily she got saved by an old woman who was the caretaker of my father in laws.
After 5 years of this sh**** life, my dad who had become legal citizen, returned to Pakistan after applying visa for his 2 brothers and my mom and just to find out his mom suggesting a divorce, kicking out my mother and keeping me. My father didn’t comply with his mother’s wishes and took my mom and me to Italy. Soon his other 2 brothers came to Italy, took advantage of him, got legal documents and went on their on ways leaving my dad with a mountain of debt. My dad at that time was under so much debt that once the police came home to pick up stuff. After getting a job in a big factory he paid off all his rent and we lived peacefully and happily for 13 years.
In 2015, our family of 6 transferred to UK. After 1 year my dad had an affair with a lady from outside despite 18 years of marriage. At that moment my mom lost it. My dad was her first love. She was loyal to him, passed 5 years of her life in that shithole so my father would have easier time abroad to arrange everything, took care of him in every way possible just to find out he didn’t really love her. At that time, we siblings didn’t know anything about his affair and trusted our father, thus we didn’t believe mom. When I was sitting in front of them, and my mom was fighting he said he would give divorce to my mom, buy her a new house, send her expenses every month and keep us with him. I carved these words of his in my heart unconsciously. My mom didn’t trust him after that so kept an eye on him, to find out he sent money to his lover’s brother and gifted her item secretly.
Her heart was fully cracked. More time passed.
In 2019, my father’s close friend suggested him to bring his youngest brother to UK, so he could be self-sufficient. My mom after living with my father in laws for 5 years, named them the devils. Throughout the years, whenever my parents had a fight, my mom would always talk about my father’s in laws being corrupted and stuff.
Even after my mom repeatedly narrated him everything, my father dismissed most of it as lies. Without telling a thing to my mom, he applied his youngest brother who unfortunately got accepted. After he came to our house he would display subtle gestures showing displeasure for my mom. After eating breakfast and lunch he would go to his room and inform other in laws in Pakistan about our family situation and talk shit about my parents. My mom told my father again about my dad’s brother having ad intentions, but he told my mom be careful what you talking about otherwise you will be out of the house. My mom didn’t have any proof to prove all this accusing.
During that time, my father was a security guard and got severe pneumonia. He had to be admitted to the ICU. With doctor saying there is less than 20% chances of him getting cured. I remember at that time my mom having a severe mental breakdown, going on hinger strike and just crying. Whenever I would look at her I felt angry at her, about why she was like that and wasn’t taking care of us, leaving my siblings and me to fend for ourselves.
Whenever I went to hospital to see my father in coma in ICU, I didn’t feel anything, no sadness, distress or worry. I questioned myself why? I don’t know the answer yet till this day.
My mom would look at me as if I was heartless because she couldn’t see an ounce of any distress/sadness on my face. During this time, my uncle informed other in laws in Pakistan of our situation who were waiting jolly about the news of my father’s death. My mom kept listening to his s*** and that poison kept brewing in her heart.
Finally, an uncle from my mom’s side gave us the idea of putting a phone on recording under my dad’s younger brother’s bed during breakfast. Then my mom would get earphones and listen to what he talked about. She found out that this guy talked about her being a bitch, my father being selfish and s*** goes on. Thankfully, my father healed, the doctor said it was a miracle, everyone was happy and everything back to normal. My mom showed my dad proofs this time, and he believed her like finally, but my mom had her heart fully broken already, because of the fact that she was loyal to this man for 18 years and he didn’t even trust her. My dad’s youngest brother got kicked out of the house.
The damage my dad has caused my mother is, too much. Now she is near 40s, but her health condition is bad, she suffers mentally and emotionally. I didn’t know what to do to help because I am numb to my own emotions. Luckily, a friend of mine told me to approach my mom and sit with her, she would gradually open up to me. And she did. She told me how she feels like crying as loudly as possible but the tears don’t come out. Her heart feels pain. She feels depressed and often feeling suicidal. She blames my father for doing all this. She thinks that because she was a full time house wife she didn’t have any power to do anything. My dad would do whatever he want without ever asking my mom about her opinions on the decision. My dad never asked my mom about why she was feeling, angry or sad. She craves this emotional support more than ever.
My mom took divorce into consideration, but because she wants a better future for her children she is staying with my dad. They often fight and tell me to choose sides. I don’t wanna choose neither. What I should I do? Should I think about getting my mom to live far away from dad as soon as I start working? Should I help her consider the divorce? What should I do to help my mom? Is she ever going to even heal? Who was wrong and who was right? My mom was the most innocent woman but why did she suffer so much? One thing I most wished was a happy family, is that possible now? Did my mom suffer more or my dad? These thoughts plague me every night. What choices do I have?
I can summarise my parents in 1 phrase from my perspective.
Mom- sacrificed too much of herself for her children and family
Dad- wasted more than half of his life on worthless people.
I want to take everything into account before making a decision. After going through all this, is there even a need to believe in fate or destiny?
I wish best for everyone and hope them a lucky, life full of wealthy happy moments.
