Hey hermes and violet, sorry it took me a while to respond. Thank you both for your comments.
Violet - its a beautiful poem, it really touched me when i first read it, and theres so much to reflect on, truly packed full of insight, wonderful. Im doing much much better, thanks for your well wishes. Im not using hardly any products from any creator at the moment, aside from the automated workout series to build some muscle. My ambitions at the moment just boils down to stability, im pretty content to just do minimal spiritual work at the moment. Theres always more healing to do of course but that can come later. <3 <3 I hope you’re doing well and enjoying whatever it is that you’re exploring at the moment :)
Hermes - thank you for your comment. I relate a lot to what you said. 2 months ago I was in a much worse sate regarding my own sanity. Being a little selfish and just focusing on getting what i needed really helped. I used to really police what I was thinking about others. I still try not to judge but Ive learned that we need to be able to think dark thoughts sometimes in order to be able to think clearly at all. Often the first dark thought about someone else is just the instinctual or initial judgement of a situation, and afterwards I can move onto actually assessing things reasonably with that out of the way. I hope you’re doing ok, much love.
Both of your comments helped me a lot. Blessings to both of you <3
In general I have much less hatred for others that I used to. I attribute that mostly to developing more of a sense of what I deserve, without demanding it from others. I used to be really neurotically focused on instances where I felt disrespected. Once I started to just affirm to myself that I was worthy of respect, and started to give it to myself, I didnt need others to give it to me, and suddenly their behaviour became forgettable as opposed to something I needed to ruminate on. Ive worked heaps on just stopping the process of analysing why certain people treated me a certain way. I have a lot more peace because of it, and the consistent resistance/hatred that was in me has started to diminish, now that I dont feel that I must ‘get even’ with others that have wronged me by somehow changing their part in the interaction. Now that Im no longer policing the thoughts I have about others, my perception that Im somehow psychically attacking them has also gone. The repression of the negative thoughts was what was creating the charge to being with, so any effect im having on others is now much much more mild, which is great.
Anyways, thanks to everyone who posted in the thread, and thanks for indulging me if you read the insights Ive gained <3 :)
