This is kind of two semi-separate topics in one but they are related though.
Hey, I’ve been having issues with negative thoughts/impulsive self-destructive intentions. I don’t actually mind them that much, it’s just that ever since I got my IPF tag a couple months ago, every thought or intention is automatically acted out by my subconscious. Like if a thought pops up in my mind about grounding or I read the word “grounding” and think it in my mind as I’m reading it, my subconscious begins to ground me immediately. Certain keywords that pop up in my mind or that I read, trigger the subconscious to perform actions. If I read “Hakuin” for example, it starts the Hakuin Healing Egg. It’s made reading a massive annoyance, because my subconscious will get triggered by certain keywords that I’m reading. Reading is my favorite hobby and I haven’t been able to really enjoy it recently because of this. I’ve tried not vocalizing the words in my head but it doesn’t feel the same/I don’t retain the information at all.
Now, this is pretty annoying and all but the main focus is on the negative thoughts/intentions part. Whenever a negative thought pops up, the subconscious begins to act on it. As well as self-destructive impulses/thoughts. For example, last night certain thoughts would pop up in my mind like “Explode X” or “Destroy X”. Replace X with any organ in my body for example. Then, that organ in the body would start to pulsate hard and energy would gather, I would start to get extremely hot and it would freak me out as I try to stop it. It kept happening repeatedly throughout the night. I would tell my myself/subconscious that “Everything is fine/good” or “Ignore it and relax” and then try and distract myself, eventually it would stop. But the fact that it keeps happening over and over and over, is making things extremely tiring for me. I’m wondering if by responding to it in the first place is causing it to keep repeating but I’m like a bit scared to test out ignoring it lol.
I think mindfulness would probably go a long way but I’m pretty far from the point right now with my chaotic mind. But if you have any advice for either the reading issue or the subconscious acting out the negative intentions, I would appreciate it. Thanks.
Just for the record, I’ve taken off all my tags and have barely used any audios for the past week and a bit as I’ve been taking a break.