You might have something that is called a “Psychological Reversal”.
It is a term from the Energy Psychology area.
Below are some links I quickly found on Google:
https://www.therapyhelp.com/what-is-psychological-reversal-how-can-it-be-treated/
https://marksteinberg.com/webpages/writings/psychological-reversal.jsp
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HH13NwAqhVs
You would need to do your own research to see whether this applies to you.
If that is the case, I recommend you check it out and treat it with EFT tapping and trauma fields here from Sapien Medicine.