It’s quite personal so without entering into too much details there were several situations those last days that would totally make me lose it but I didn’t, I’m so in peace and indifferent to everything trying to alter my energy and emotions negatively that it’s very suspicious. Whenever I start feeling bad emotions, instantly I become self cautious about the comic aspect of the situation and how ridiculous I was gonna be, it’s like a flash of what was originally gonna happen and it looks so stupid that it calms me down instantly.
There is one particular situation yesterday… There is NO DOUBT about it… I would snap but I handled the situation way better than expected and even if I was still angry, it was a healthy anger and I felt so good somehow, I was in full control of myself and words, that person said something that would totally annoy me but that time it didn’t flinch me at all.
I can’t be bothered anymore apparently, I’m so chill now. It looks like I’m able to analyze my own patterns with an external point of view to remain unbiased and when I’m starting to feel bad emotions or start doing stupid things I enter a kind of post nut clarity zone. It’s really disturbing how ridiculous the situation looks like in a more objective point of view.
I was full of regrets for some things but I let go things I was unable to let go for a decade, I don’t care now, really, I’m easy on myself too for past mistakes and I totally accepted everything that happened, forgiving people and myself in the process.