You’re not alone in that, but you did put it on your list. So, mark that as one of your wins! It’s a remarkable act of self-love to decide for yourself to do this for yourself. So, that’s a total win in my book…and, hopefully, yours as well.
You may have noticed that I cut my quote of you short there. And can you feel a difference between my phrase and yours? Not the words; this isn’t about word games. But a difference between the thoughts? Can you feel that?
For most people, that “…all my life” adds so much weight and pressure to the situation and makes the process before you seem So. Much. Bigger, doesn’t it?
When you use your navigation system on your car to go somewhere, the nav system knows where you are and then calculates your route from where you are now. It never, ever asks you how long you’ve been where you are or what you’ve been doing here all that time. None of any of that has any bearing on your desired route forward, right?
Do, as you go forward explaining this topic, I would encourage you to cut your explanation where I did. Not simply with your words but with your thoughts as well.
(And each time you do that, you log a win for yourself. And each time you remember that you want to do that–whether you did or not–I would log a win as well.)
The good news is you’re in the right place! We’ve got tools for this, such as the PONR (Point of No Return) field or stacks. It’s made exactly for this.
We have Trauma Release fields as well as other healing fields for you.
You’re getting your birthday gifts early, it appears.
We even have My personal emotional and mental supporter to–well–support you along your way.
Great! Good for you. And fields can help you with this, as I mentioned above.
(Did you notice another of my edit jobs there? 
Wins are wins. Their size, or any other quality, doesn’t matter…does it? 
)
(That doesn’t sound “miniscule” to me. Just sayin’.)
I totally agree with you.
Back to your original question, I would really start here. You’ll be surprised how much else in your world will change when you heal this foundational piece for you. You can start reading the various threads on here about the various PONR stacks (some of which are free and available to you right now) and the field.
You’ve got this.