If any kind soul can help with field stack & lifestyle suggestions.
I am 29 Y male (already trying out no fap & been listening to Sapien fields inconsistently )
I want to be totally comfortable with being alone and reduce ego and have better connections with people (but not need love acceptance or validation in any form)
Also I have vent up anger ,hurt,envy, resentment and negativity around relationships, love and partner/marriage
This is my main requirement.
If someone has the time and patience to go in detail:
(I really wanted someone to love me and accept me to fill voids of my insecurities , help me feel more confident and worthy and not feel lonely , yet things didn’t materialize , relationships didn’t last and I realized how my desire is causing suffering and pain )
Add to that , I feel envious of other couples , including my own flatmates who had live in relationships with their gf’s, whereas mine did not even last beyond 4 months.
The pattern was there was a mutual attraction ,first followed by honeymoon phase , then fights and arguments, then the question of who is willing to make efforts to sustain.Once the partner gave hints of no longer wanting to work out things , I too backed out immediately (owing to ego) but then the dull life returned and I feel this is really missing in my life and question why others have it so easy but I dont.
So many flawed people find good partners (why couldnt I get lucky, made efforts, had good intent, even tried subliminals)
The issues might have to do with a childhood of not feeling very loved , not having any close friends or real connections other than family, being bullied and made fun of in school and as a defense mechanism I developed an ego which would help me to not take shit from anyone.
Also, couple of points, I have a sister who used to have good social circle and many friends whereas I had very cordial & few friendships which led to me desire of wanting friends , yet I have very few friends even now and the comfort level is not great.
I also used porn excessively and was sensitive to being made fun of and was already a bit inhibited when interacting with others.