i went mad last night. not a lick of sleep, spent a good portion with good reflections in the early hours. Reflections that i thought would be useful for normal me. i said to myself i had figured life out. I was the universe.
I’ll post the notes written whilst on it at the bottom
At first, as i was coming down, i was struck with this sense that everything is utterly meaningless. Granted i really didn’t have my sense of self back yet. I took a walk with mum (luckily no suspicion from her that i was loopy). My mind would look at what i previously saw to be intrinsically beautiful, as utterly empty and transient. whenever i saw something previously meaningful my mind would jump to something like “it all goes away in the end anyway. nothing matters”).
spiritual path is not an intellectual one. Intellectualizing is our left hemisphere retroactively doing an awful job at representing the Sacred. Any concept the left hemispheres comes up with, is meaningless. If ultimately the Dao is indescribable, then stop trying to describe it, lol.
Anyways, if you know you know, how hard it i to explain. But my life is definitely infinitely richer having experienced this.
to be creative means nothing more than making something new and this is guided by the instinct to harmony, to unity. Art is an expression of what is unique with what is harmonious
i think the essence of anxiety is division. unity is the impulse towards. the negative is the opposition to the light. it is quite literally the negative of light. the absence of light. where an obstruction blocks the light from filling the infinite depths of my being. the world was bound to construct morality. we need something to unify us in our pursuit towards god… people will fulfil all potentials, even those that most starkly oppose light. The unification of what we see as other, is really one. in the end there is no opposition. in death we are faced with the blankness of it. its not scary to not exist. because i am not what disappears.
what i am never disappears
and so there is no fear.
fear of things out there
fear that happens to me
shame that happens to me
who am i to be at odds?
who am i?
i always am.this is the simple graceful answer to death. its not scary. in fact fear is an illusion. what is most real is this impulse of good and beauty. the physical body, the corporeal body and it’s inherited patterns. inherited patterns to fear. a world that is organised on the universal experience of it. and of anger, and of all that is human… i am identified with nothing right now, i am mostly in complete alignment with the universes flow, in this moment i am. But in the next i won’t be because we inherit patterns. habits of our nature. habits of the nature of all reality.
its not that the universes flow ‘deactivates’ fear, its that fear is a rigid illusion that permeates in man. It was a pattern of the past with such a powerful momentum. for millions of years. there is only a select few over many years who have brought their bodies back into unity. After painful seperatedness, we return, to bliss. we allow bliss to melt away non bliss. we allow unity to repattern perceived disunity. disunity are what we call negative emotions, feelings or ‘things’. any way to not be whole is going to be what we call negative. ‘a’ (a single consciousness?!) consciousness’s ascension isn’t very far. it’s exactly where everything is. There was never separateness. deaths just death. pain and suffering is awful for those who are trapped in it. But once your out, the light is clear. One day we all die and thats just simply fine. It doesn’t matter. don’t worry, be happy. everything is towards unity, if not then it is pain,fear,shame,embarrasment, lust. etc.
there is unity,
and then,
there is complexity.
there is organic complexity.
The suffering is in otherness. the beauty is in otherness
…
there is complete emptiness
a grace in emptiness.
and there is complexity
in complexity is corporeal forgetting and suffering
but all of the beauty.
i get to be human for a bit.
and then death.
goodness is what gets us back to unity
beauty is what it is
good is what it is
it feels good to feel cold air