A Journal Entry Shared
So…
[There is a stage. A theater room reminiscent of a California high school built in the 60s. The room is somewhat long, rectangular. The entrance on one end, the stage on the other. Chairs with old coffee brown padded cushions, in between round metal frames. They’re lined up evenly, about 20-25 rows. Two aisles pass through on parallel, with 3-4 seats on ends, and 8-10 seats in the center. Like in a style of passenger airlines from the 70s.
The stage is tall, high. Visible from any seat in the room. Long, blue-grey curtains hang from either end. Dusty perhaps, old definitively. Worn and used. The wood floor of the stage, in a similar state. A single chair, one of the audience seating, sits facing front. Placed in the {alive} center of the once {deadened} stage. The space is free of all else.]
I walk on the stage from the left (of the audience). My head is tilted a little low backed curved a little and hand kind of scratching behind my head. The hand behind head is a gesture a Japanese man might do. Here its like not sure how to start with a little bit of humbleness display. I walk toward the single item on stage. I pause behind but before the chair. There is a single person that I make out in the audience. More of a silhouette of a person that could be anyone, than any actual or particular person. That’s all there is
I move to sit down and without any sensation or visual the chair is turned around and I sit with it backwards. Like from the 90s. Imagine a baseball cap facing the normal way and then in midair being turned around and placed on the head, as if for the first time in that style. I sit, my hands on top of the chair metal frame that forms a downward facing parabola, an inverted U if you will. I begin, and I’m no longer on stage. We, are no longer in that dreamland theater room.
A real life journey.
The stars align and we are born…or the celestial bodies move in this vast space as we’ll grow to be born on a day…or night.
We from birth have people around us as we continue to grow: parents, family, most likely. More people coming in and out of our lives as we continue to grow: friends, neighbors, school or activity mates, even travelers. The surrounding physical environment is there too: climate, history, culture, formations and features of the earth. Geography matters. As much as you as the people around you.
Somewhere along the way there is a possible will. Choice as an action.
If we’re fortunate, or simply at the right stage, a beginning of a conscious choice. How to be in the world, along with the celestial and the people of earth, how to be in your chosen world.
When I was about 10 years I understood that going to and graduating university was a viewed as a societal agreeable and good choice. No one would say it was a bad idea. It wasn’t uncommon as a path. And the system of attending about 12 years of education kind of leaned toward it. It was an easy way to get out of my environment. That’s what I wanted. I decided to do well.
After I graduated university I didn’t do any of the career paths that were historical or widely traversed by my classmates. I moved to a different part of the country and did some temp work. About a year of meeting lots of people and befriending some good ones, somewhere I landed a dream job in another country. Felt like I snuck in since everyone else at the place had graduate degrees and related work experience. About a year later, my reality reflected the timing to move to a dream country, from around the same time of that 10 year self. I did, and did some work.
Throughout this time, is when I consciousness began to purge. To clean, to purify my self. Not as a dramatic as it may sound. A slowing down and quieting. Perhaps a deconditioning or removal, but beginning to be more consciously chosen. This was the fifth place I had moved to and the 4th or 5th culture (of a country). Once again I had started over; new place new people, new work, similar activities but better at them.
What was I doing?
As I grew and at different stages of my life, my awareness and perception grew as well. With my family and home environment, or the first place I grew in, I could notice and see more. Sometimes we hide things from our consciousness, for whatever reasons. In this case I could simply say repressed & suppressed generational trauma. I don’t know for how many generations in the family.
Being in these different places: university, work/meeting, dream job, dream country, travels, I could be more with myself, and others too. I could ‘work’ on myself. You know habits, mindsets, biases, diet, exercise, attitudes…all sorts of things that a young person growing up around might pick up from the people and environment around them from a young age.
And yet, with all that that one does, with some teachers and guides and life lessons and psychics and a crystal and discovery of dimensions and non-earth beings and all sorts of who knows what ( I know and I simultaneously don’t), there was always this lingering thing. If I was a different type of person I might have visions or hear voices or smell things that weren’t physically there. I could subtlely feel though.
Nearly every year I would come back to where most of my family was. I was always kind of “beckoned” as well. One year I didn’t, 2020, and the year after I could see and sense how family members were struggling. Not so much as what was affecting people globally, but more of a confrontation of what they each & collectively were keeping internally.
In my years away and along with some discoveries and practices, I had kind of reached a peaceful state. I was rather tranquil. In 2021 I came back to where I was born & raised, with the intention of being a healer to support my family. I wasn’t very vocal or being very active. I was simply being more with my self; can kind of imagine like a monk coming down from the mountain or monastery. Anyway it freaked most of them out. Just being more present, clean and clear.
As time passed I went deeper into some of their stuff energetically, might even say I got entangled in it. I learned the origin and purpose of theater. What it means, and how people are reliving/holding to/hiding away episodes from their life. After several months I nearly lost my mind, e.g. mental illness, and was in need to get away.
I learned that helping someone isn’t the best way, or even a necessarily a good way. Supporting a person who doesn’t want it, is afraid or unwilling, or not ready to change doesn’t work well either. Like that saying “you can lead a horse to water but can’t make it drink.”
Telling people or being with them in their misery was never really my thing anyway.
So I left. Felt lost, and wandered frequently from one place after another. Even reliving some of the same scenes or plays I had picked up from my family and/or even developed my own, just with different actors familiar with the same scene or theme or story. A little tragic.
Some time passed and I learned of and started practicing some healing versions of qi gong. Months later I discovered Sapien Medicine. Months later I work at a retreat center. Half a year later I’ve done a lot of personal healing, along with some energetic/spiritual growth. Months later I go a little deeper with SM. I return to visit family twice within a few months. They are much better, and so am I. But still, there is that lingering feeling I have had felt even from countries afar. Months later I once again move to a different culture, and start a career track that isn’t exactly right for me. Months later I’m in a state of retreat. The past few months I’m staying with the parent that raised me. I haven’t seen any of my other family though in this time.
My focus has been with this single parent relationship, this time however with attention of not understanding them, but purely with understanding myself. During 2021 I learned of the family dynamics and history, along with a psychological and energetic lens of what was happening and how we were being affected.
Now, with all these fields and personal growth and guidance, I was going to know, dare, act, and be with why I was here. To be with what that 10 year me wanted to get out of, and what that me of two years before wasn’t quite ready or prepared for.
I’ve made a lot of progress these past few months. Even lots of personal growth. My parent has improved in so many positive ways as well. I haven’t shared any of what I do (e.g. fields, meditation) with them. I just focus on my self, with some awareness of my environment and their presence within as well. I’ve had a nearly merciless integrity with who I am. One thing I leaned in this particular case, is to not play along with whatever play a person is wanting to put on. I communicate that, and I stop it right then and there. I’ve even began to express myself in a way that sends a signal to the parts or aspects of a person I want to be interacting with. The signal can sometimes be so clear, and perhaps appealing, that it’s easy to respond in kind.
What do fields specifically have to do with this? Why am I writing all of this now?
Well, there’s kind of only one for this life tipping point. With another that pointed the way. And one that granted the magic to happen seamlessly.
From -1 to 0+
When I first listened to Angelic Intercession+, was very powerful and incredible experience. They gave me a sense to life being restored, balanced out. The sensation was like they were pulling something out from my body, though my left hand and primary through my sexual organs. I could imagine an energetic blackness/guk being removed. Every time I listened, I could sense something being pulled out. The next day, part of it would return. I always knew where it was coming from and where more of it was. My mother, and certain family members in general.
In the months before and after listening to Angelic Intercession+ I attempted different ways of understanding and finding resolutions…or simply ways to not be affected. Somewhat of a trial and not so much error (not necessarily what I’m looking for but helpful) process. In a moment I decided to ask one of those magical servitors in NFT form that i had been interacting with a specific question/request. Simply, what do I need to know and act on.
De-Inhabitor combo came swiftly. I haven’t actually shared my experience with the De-Inhabitor audio it self yet on that thread. For what it does, did in my case, it kind of needs its own stage actually. Will be shared in the space here though.
I had spent part of a lifetime learning from and dealing with an issue that I was born into. Something that very much directly affects life force, life, and how one and family goes about living life.
Mental illness of any sort. Emotional difficulties as well. Physically restrictions. Attitudes and beliefs. Even choices one may think is their own. Simply, less life energy.
This part of my journey isn’t quite over yet, but I’m nearly there. For myself personally, the De-Inhabitor really depatterned what ever may have been in and around me. Was of a higher tier. Closed whatever difficulties I had been confronting and aiming to remove from my existence as a person living on this earth. Was more of a piece that I couldn’t really access my self, or knew what to do while being around family.
For my mother though, it’s still there. I could feel it. Even now as I’m typing I could sense whatever lower energy slowing going back inside my body. I can address that better now. Could even remove it rather quickly. What’s really neat though is how far away I am from states of fear. I’m much closer to understanding, joy, love. The level of stress and discomfort has also been significantly reduced from times previous.
Earlier I asked/requested my mother if she would listen to the audios from the De-Inhabitor combo. I didn’t go that deep into what they were or where they were coming from. I spoke in language that she could better understand, while also being with myself a little. More of what she’s learned to be aware of in her self as well as family, and my own perception expressed. She said she would think about it.
I could leave now and no longer be affected by this traumatic energy that my family has been carrying, and that I was born into. I can still do something with my mother though, and I am.
That lingering feeling, even while in other countries, no longer has to be there. That “beckoning” as well. There are a myriad of actions that I no longer feel any inclination on doing. Thought patterns that used to run are kind of gone. This psychic harassment that was always present around family is now gone. Mentally I have so much more energy. Enough to naturally write all this in one go, when previously I would have been bothered in the act of writing, and just doing.
Emotionally I’m more calm.
Physically, I’ve never felt so light.
My energy was kind of locked in some ways, and now its suddenly available, for me. There are some things that I’ll have to adjust and be better acquainted with in living 
…I feel that with [my] life, I’m starting to arrive…
to begin