IME, the key here isn’t to fix “the situation,” because “the situation” is doing what all situations do: it’s giving you both an arena to do what you do, particularly respond how you respond.
Our job (too strong a word) is to be aware, in all our situations, to see what it is we (not the other person) are doing, including how we respond. We can use our awareness to decide if we want to continue to do (and respond) in our habitual ways. Once we’ve made our decisions, we get to play with the different ways we can do and respond to see what works best for us.
You’re doing this and she too is doing this, for herself. And you’re both doing this as best you can, which is really good.
She (blessed soul that she is) and this relationship are helping you see old habits of doing and reacting that you’ve outgrown. She’s a mirror that you can look into. What are you seeing…about yourself? We have fields for that! (To be clear, I’m not saying her judgements or labels about you are correct. I’m saying you get this opportunity to see how you’re being and decide if that’s how you want to be as a person, if this is how you want to do love, if this is how you want to be towards someone you love. Your choice, your call.)
@JAAJ has just revised his famous JAAJ’s Daily Self Love Stack to make it more manageable. There’s a stage in his revision for whatever you’re seeing about yourself in that mirror of her.
As I said, she’s also going through this. So as you might want to also add in Become a Kinder, More Patient Person in All Ways Ver 2.0 (for yourself) as you both grow and become more of who you both really are.