( btw im not really asking for advice, im just scared to post about my mental condition anywhere else cause a lot of people don’t believe me, but i do want to talk about it)
I don’t think I’ll ever have the answer to why I hear voices, the voices I hear are breathless, my brain can fully hear hear these voices, so they sound like they make sense, but in reality the voices I hear do not make sense and are just noise to my head and are very distracting, the voices I hear have personality’s, it’s made it impossible for me to do everything I want in life without being distracted. Studying for long hours is no longer possible. Thinking becomes harder. My coordination is sometimes thrown off, and it makes me believe that reality is stuck in my head. I would be the most happiest person ever if i could just think and coordinate my thoughts again, without fear or worry.
Update: im still fighting battling everyday for peace in my spirit, i experience fear like no other there’s voices that my spirit follows and leads me to no where, but fear , they make me feel like im losing control, of my life. I don’t understand them, I just want them to go away so I can have my life back. I don’t think any human understands why I have these voices and neither do I. But let me tell you they will drag your positive mood down to fear you can’t even comprehend.
I don’t identify myself with schizophrenia or my mental disorder, cause it serves no benefit and makes me feel helpless. Which is why I refused to go to keep seeing psychiatrist ( even now theirs voices that interrupt my typing) The way of my thinking was actually kinda depressive when I left the psychiatrist cause I felt like I would rather to just kill myself then have schizophrenia. But I’m also to afraid to tell people that it’s even worse, and im coming to the real realization of the damage. I’m possessed, theirs a voice that believes it’s me and verbally speaks when I’m not thinking , my mouth opens, and words come out my mouth that I never think. If I’m speaking to people sometimes I don’t notice the words that come out of my mouth and I’m realizing it could be the entity, but it’s never out of hand cause I still have a level of control of what I say to people.
Now back to the damage part, I’ve accepted this condition as normal for years now and I gave up on a lot of things in life, my confidence blows away sometimes, and I get discouraged from meeting new people.
Theirs sometimes at work where I lose thoughts and conversations simply because the voices are to overwhelming. Me just saying this pushes me to heights of fear, I don’t want to kill myself but my life is terrifying. The morphics help me identify with positive energy I feel, but the voices do not go away.