Integrating the (sexual) shadow

Ask for Advice
#1

It has been an up and down journey to find a wholesome way to express my sexuality. I am highly sexual individual by nature. Fidelity and monogamy are difficult tasks for me, but I also love the connection and devotion of sharing your body, mind and soul with only one other being on this planet. And I don’t like hurting those whose hearts I open. So often times a relationship comes at the expense of great suppression. I don’t know if it is an insatiable desire that will never fully be quenched. Perhaps I have chosen the wrong partners, perhaps they have been karmic lessons for me to overcome my overly sexual ways.

I have put together a handful of month, two-month long stretches of no-fap and really felt wholesome. For 99% of the past year, I have abstained from pornography for the first time in 20 years. This past week, I fell off the spiritual wagon and really saw some depravity in my previous/current actions that stir up a lot of anger, shame and sadness.

What does a healthy sexual relationship look like? And that starts with just myself. How do I have a healthy sexual relationship with my body? When I abstain, I feel like I’m neglecting myself and a sense of shame arises. When I splurge, I feel the energetic ramifications of my actions. Long term, I need to be better. Especially if/when incorporating someone into my life. In the past I have idolized partners in a sexually obsessive manner. But I haven’t been able to kindle/develop that soul connection where it’s just magical.

For some, it’s a basic question. But for others who have struggled, I guess I am asking how do I begin to develop healthy sexual relations, without going overboard?

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#2

First. Why are you not happy with your ways?
Second. Why do yout hink is better to have only one sexual partner? Are you a stork?
Third. Do you not think that the actual problem is you being ashamed of something? I am sure all of your partners were with you willingly. So no shame there.
Forth. That what you seek is not only up to you…is up to the partner your with. so…
as of fields support i would suggest:
when you dont have the money:
free fields:

etheric cords x 1, grounding x 4, emotional release x 2, inner beauty reflected outward x 1.

do this for two weeks to a month on a daily basis. Do not force any new behaviour on yourself and wait for the fields to work, then take the appropriate actions.

The stack will help you uncover alot of things about you, which you dont realise, then also for your sexuality…just let the fields work…you will be surprised i feel…

Good Luck!

PS. And everything that you describes suggest also an anxious person, so later on the All purpouse Anxeiety Audio will also do some good.

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#3

:joy::sweat_smile:

It does sound a lot like you could use blueprint of love.

Because there’s so much historical taboo in the area of sexuality, there are tons of limiting beliefs and judgments. You must choose your own way tbh. I mean who can really claim that your way isn’t healthy (only you can)?

So I’d recommend to live out your way, as long as you’re not hurting anyone

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#5

Oh ok didn’t know that, I’m too naive.

But of course i meant “not hurting anyone” includes himself too

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#6

  1. I feel like I objectify women often, think about sex very frequently, and have struggled to stay monogamous, ending relationships by way of cheating a time ago. I’ve gotten better, but the urge to have many partners remains. But selfishly, I wouldn’t want the same of my partner. And so it only feels right to behave the same.

  2. I am not opposed to multiple partners, but I’ve only been in monogamous relationships and with those who wanted them. I don’t know where the lines would be drawn. It seems like it could lead to a lot of pain and discomfort. Falling for someone else, or them falling for someone else, opening up pandora’s box.

  3. True. All willing.

  4. And yes, that is understandable.

Thank you for your time and input. I really appreciate it.

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#12

Thank you. That’s a very fair assessment.

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#13

There’s a blueprint of love, or do you mean the blueprint of life?

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#14

Yes my friend, there is…

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#15

nvm lmao

#16

Ohhhh, you are not alone :joy:

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#17

I believe a healthy sexual relationship is one where you connect with your partner in a way that the two of you are aligned with your sexual desires. You are present with her during the process, aware of what pleases her and her aware of what pleases you… and interchanging that with one another. But most of all, present in your desire of her and her desire of you. Two partners being attracted to eachother and fully enveloped in that desire, generally leads to a healthy sexual relationship.

But there is such a thing as too much. And too little. That depends on how your sex drives align. I think a lot of couples tend to have varying sex drives but the healthy thing to do is accommodate each other. That being said, it’s a good practice to find someone that aligns with your sex drive but you might not be so lucky. That person might only satisfy you sexually and lack in the other facets of relationships. So don’t give up on a person that doesn’t have the same sex drive as you.

It seems though, that you are more stuck in the bodily desire aspect of sex. The healthiest realm of sex is that of love. You seem to be in the ‘lust’ physical realm of it. The only issue with love is that it takes surrender. It’s very deep and should only be done with someone you actually love and want to be serious with. As the pleasure you get from it isn’t only physical, but emotional and spiritual as well. It’s a wonderful exchange of energy. But this is what a healthy relationship should lead to anyways. And when you really love someone, integrating that love into sex is powerful and really steps it up.
You are very self aware though. I think you know that you’re instiable lust is a bit much and likely an imbalance.

Your sexual desire seems to be overtuned and in some ways, controlling of your inhibitions. Desire isn’t a bad thing. But it becomes a nuisance when your body starts speaking for you and you find yourself wanting, wanting, wanting without ever finding fulfilment.

I think what you should work on is balancing your sacral chakra and also mastering your sexual energy. It seems to have too strong of a flow and you ought to tame it. The current is taking you with it when you should be in control of the current. I’d recommend getting into sexual kung fu (multiple male orgasms by mantak chia is a good place to start). The practices help you learn how to be consciously aware of the sexual energy and control its flow rather than be controlled by it.

I also would recommend learning to transmute the sexual energy which is easier to do when you master the flow of it. You might just have a natural strong current which isn’t a bad thing and can lead to powerful spiritual awakenings over time (although have to be very careful with this). Don’t focus on this part until you’ve learned to be aware of the sexual current and redirect it with the mind.

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#18

DId I miss something?

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#19

i said that you should move to a country where marrying multiple wives is acceptable, but nevermind, i would recommend working on your sacral chakra like sammy suggested, or listening to the sacral chakra audio, i felt a huge relief in my own personal ‘problem’ related to sex

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#20

Thank you, SammyG.

I think your summation is quite accurate. I wasn’t always like this. The awakening process increased my stress load, as did a few physical ailments, and well, life happened. I began turning more and more towards sex as an outlet for pleasure and it spiraled into an obsession. I also fell out of love with the partner I was also frequently engaging in intercourse with, though still love them deeply. Our connection lessened, and I fell into a rut. It broke my heart, and the act became more of a physical one, rather than the culmination of the physical, mental and spiritual you speak of. I stayed in it thinking things might change, but alas, they did not.

But I also think you are right in terms of always having had a high sexual motor. Transmutation I’ve tried, with varying degrees of success. I’ve seen that book suggested on this website before (perhaps by you), and I will have to look further into it. Do you suggest any specific audios on trying for a reboot? I’ve seen a list on here, but would certainly love your to hear your opinion. Thanks a bunch for your time. Have a blessed week.

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#21

Thank you very much, Freitql. I appreciate the suggestion. I’ll jump on YouTube right now for it.

#22

the audio is on gumroad and costs money, here is the link Sacral and Base Chakra Clearing, Growth and Stimulation

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#23

Let me add one more thing @SammyG that I believe is very important and perhaps you or others can shine an outside light on. When I am committed to someone, I don’t allow myself to fantasize about others. At some point in life, I learned thought often lead to words and then actions, a.k.a past relationship indiscretions. To curb that behavior, I put my previous partner on a throne and worshiped them. In a way, they became a part of the addiction. We have had ties cut for nearly a year, but I still find myself fantasizing simply about them or a similar shape/model. I don’t know how or what would be a healthy alternative, as frankly, before them, I didn’t have a devotional practice. It was your typical unhealthy pornographic run-of-the-mill stuff.

#24

As mentioned before, you need to find a way to channel that sexual energy of yours. It’s overflowing. To the point of obsession. You need to exercise, get into a hobby, or practice sexual kung fu to channel that energy somewhere. If it doesn’t go anywhere, it will continue to consume you and push you to the point of obsession.

You have a good intention in directing your overflowing sexual energy to your partner but as you can see, that isn’t a good idea. Cause now your sexual enegy has developed an attachment to her. A very heavy one since sexual energy is quite dense. By worshipping your partner sexually, you also objectify them. They are but an instrument to your desires. That isn’t a healthy perception in a relationship.

So, channel that energy elsewhere my friend. Or you’re likely to be pupeteered by it.

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#26

That is wonderful insight, and frankly, all likely very true. It has been a roller coaster of emotions when embarking on lengthy nofap or abstinence trials. I haven’t felt healthy in terms of a sexual release in quite some time, and that is saddening. Perhaps I abused it in the past, but this spiritual trial seems to have accelerated the punishment for it. I want to return to a place where it feels healthy to have a release. I abstain now because it leaves me feeling weak-hearted and weary, deprived and unsatisfied. I am trying to play for the long game. I am talented, smart and hardworking. I only wish to thrive in this world and help those around me. But this is a giant stumbling block that continues to trip me up. I shall check out that book you speak of. Thank you for your time SammyG.

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