LGBTQ+ and Allies Thread

The Social Lounge
#40

I’m questioning my sexual orientation (I’ve actually never been sure of it, I’m still a virgin and never even been on a date at 26). What fields would be good for helping to figure it out?

Edit: a little more about me. I’m very sure that I’m a cis male. I’m not sure if I’ve repressed the desire to date anyone out of fear of getting hurt, or in unintentionally hurting them. The thing is though, I’ve really never felt as though I’m missing anything important. It seems like everyone else needs sex/relationships like they need food, and that’s just bizarre to me.

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#41

Hi,

I think you can easily tell if you are attracted to girls or boys, just by looking or spending time with one.
What can be a problem is dealing with the results and not suppressing it, dealing with the identity crisis and judgement from others.

As for fear of relationships, become whole, chakra growth, limit remover and if you have the means, conceptual realization.

I encourage you to check your shadow self by any means necessary.

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#42

Thanks. I’ll try to be honest with myself. I think I may be bi actually.

I do have CR, what else would you recommend for looking into the shadow self?

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#43

Dream of Purity helped me realize the sexual orientation I thought I was for forever didn’t turn out to be true at all. That’s when I realized my true orientation + my reasons for having thought that. And decided I was not gonna act at all on my “previous” one. Let go of the ‘identity’ too.

Maybe you can try that, or… A pure talk on Imaginarium Divine with Conceptual Realizations to help better integrate and understand.

And ISIRB for better communication:)

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#44

I don’t like labels, but maybe you’re leaning more toward asexuality ?

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#45

I’ve been wondering for a while now if asexuality is real or a result of erased trauma. I’m sorry if this sounds offending in any way by the way, not my intention.

edit: should have probably worded it better, I was thinking mostly of my own experience

See, I’ve felt like this all my life, that’s why I didn’t realize I was gay until I was romantically attracted to a guy. And that goes as long as I’m not emotionally connected and feeling safe with someone, then I go from ace to full on freak lol. The label they use for it demisexuality, though I’m not sure if it just stems from my distrust toward men.

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#46

Maybe u are one of those people that just has a very low sex drive. There are people like that in the world, Ive known some. If/when they get in a relationship, they best be in a relationship with another person with a very low sex drive. If u feel that is your true nature, nothing wrong with it, its just NOT the average, thats all.

This whole thing with needing to put on a name, a label, on it and the tendency now to make everything that isnt the average a “pathological condition” I dont agree with.

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#47

everyone experiences their sexuality and/or the absence of sexuality differently.

whether it’s real or not for you is independent to the varying degrees of realism sexuality is for others.

exactly. this thread isn’t just for LGBTQ+ and allies, it’s pretty much about sexuality and it’s many many different forms of expression.

labels are useful to help gather others on a topic, but it becomes limiting when the idea gets drilled down to smaller and smaller parts.

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#48

That sounds like me. I definitely find people attractive but I’ve yet to look at a person and want to or have the drive to have carnal knowledge of them.

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#49

@gittir I’ve never had a date since I was born. I lost my virginity at 24, simply because I freaked out a little bit myself over the posssibilty of never experience sex before getting too old to get laid. Had I not havd that silly thought, I might as well keep virginity till I die. And in hindsight, my whole life wrecked on that silly panic and the ensuing failed sex adventures within the following two years.

I was not ready for that, and I am still not ready yet after twelve years since then. I think if you feel you don’t miss anything, then just give yourself more time to figure out what is the underlying issue. Or, just don’t try that hard to figure it out? Frankly speaking, I still have not figured out my own s**t, so I can only say don’t do things hastily. I tried too hard and failed. My life became miserable since then.

Personally I think having low sex drive is a blessing. I’m not blessed like you do in this regard. I’m pretty sure I don’t feel the need to have relationship, but the need for sex… ehhh, lamentably I touch my pp too often, and I still don’t have the will to find hook ups after prior bad experiences.

Also, I think there is no need to questioning one’s sexual orientation. Questioning it may reify the idea that you need to find an “answer” but in fact there may be no need to have an answer to everything in life. At least for me personally, I feel that I should have done nothing when I was 24.

Just some personal thoughts. I wish you good luck and feel comfortable about yourself.

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#50

If I may chime in here because at one point I thought those things were in a way like that for me until I was shown a different perspective like for example was it wrecked? Did it help you sort out some preferences? Did it help you decide whether or not that experience was something you wanted or didn’t want or want better for yourself? How else were you supposed to know you wanted something different or better had you not had the experience you did?

Do you think others have their sexual experience and turn around and because it may not have been what they saw or heard about throw in the towel and say yup that’s it I’m doomed in sex I never wanna set another preference towards my growth and understanding my likes and wants in a more refined way for future experiences? That all counts as that you refining what you want shaping what your gonna attract in the future… but if you hang around in the expectation of nope this is how it is and this is how it’s doomed well wouldn’t it be obvious that’s what you get?

Be easy on you and others who are there to expand your preferences and help shape the nature of what you’d like going forward. I’ve been where you are and sometimes even hearing these words may not be enough but if you take away anything from this is that life helps you set what you want and don’t want… especially when it comes to mates and sexual experiences.

Anyways much love and understanding to you :heart::relaxed::rainbow:

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#51

@Nytor thank you for your feedback. I think I was quite sure about my sexual preference and orientation from an early age, unlike @gittir . I think the act of me trying to get laid was “forced” by myself and thus when viewed retrospectively, awkward. And why my life wrecked after this was quite a weird journey. Long story short, I had another silly idea of get involved in LGBT advocacy group, and also the field of gender/queer studies. While their intention was good, their thing was just not for me. Some parts of me is quite rigid and I incurred disharmony within myself. I got lost on who I am and what I wanted to do with my life.

The aspect of sexuality, be it private of public, seems not inherent in my life, however I forced it. My issue may be different from gittier’s and I was not discouraging anyone to expand their preferences options. What I meant was that if exploring, expanding is something gittier wanted to try, just take his time and let things just happen (or does not happen), and don’t act forcefully out of FOMO like I did.

This may not be directly respond to points you mentioned. But I think yours are valuable opinions. It was just me, who had terrible compartmentalization skills to let disarray of sex become contagious to myriad of disarray of work/study/other aspects of life. I still have to better train myself for growth, but perhaps not in working on sexuality for the moment but in containing mishaps and not amplifying even the samllest bad experiences to grind ife to a halt.

Sorry for digressed too much. Thank you for your understanding and feedback.

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#52

Agreed, I definitely feel lucky. It might be nice to have the “normal” experience of a young and (I’m told) good looking guy, and it would be nice to not worry my family about it (especially my mother is concerned that I’ve never dated anyone) - more to the point, it would be nice to make them shut up about it. At the same time, it means that there’s a lot of very sticky and complex issues that I don’t have to deal with, perhaps I’m just meant to put my sexual energy into more important things.

Maybe I’ll end up like CS Lewis. Oxford don, professor, and writer, he was content with that and didn’t really feel the need for anything else, until he met his wife in his mid 50s. Perhaps sex/relationships will wait until after I’ve done everything else first.

Thanks for your thoughts.

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#53

Just thought of sharing…

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#54

Fantastic :clap::clap::clap:
Thanks for sharing :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::ok_hand::ok_hand:

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