Thanks for sharing your story with us Soarer. I appreciate you opening up like that.
Is this contant pressure in your crown or third eye?
It seems to me that some of your psychic senses are rather active. Your spirit seems to seep into your conscious mind and is quite there. The spirit is unconditional so it is always at peace. Hence why, although you are struggling quite harshly, you aren’t fully emotionally unstable and can do a good job of being happy in the outside.
And of course, being an empath means you are far more more energetically receptive to the world. But this also means that empaths are far more energetically receptive to their own thoughts. That tends to intensify the negative feelings within… I’m sorry to hear you’ve been going through this for so long.
Not being allowed to be a child has a grand effect on your consciousness. As a child, our energy is playful and in a state of constant awe and wonder. Our desire is purely to play and explore. In essence, this is the natural state of our spirits. Think about it… before we are fully taught anything, our base state is to play and explore. We aren’t taught to play. We just play… and go about exploring things in the house and yard lol.
As a child, we are also heavily involved in the present moment. We are connected to divinity and are quite direct expressions of divinity. When this is repressed, we lose some conscious connection to our spirit. As we grow older, there is a part of us that never got to experience the playfulness/wonderment of our childlike spirit. That creative and ever free flowing state is something that may feel like a missing element to you since it was repressed. I mean… look at what happened to Michael Jackson. Being repressed of this certainly has long term effects (for most).
And as a kid, you dealt with traumas at an early age and had to worry and focus on serious things. The kind of stuff that takes you out of the now. And any repression of energy such as this, snowballs into heavier blockages within the future. Any such blockages cause you to feel unhappy within.
The past is like oil to your water. It’s weighing you down and obstructing your flow. You are right my friend. It’s time to feel these things and fully let go. Luckily we have fields to help with that.
Trauma release
- While listening, think about your past traumas. Feel them to the full extent. Ask yourself why does thinking about this pain me? What about these events bring about suffering? What am I not accepting? Ask yourself… but feel. Feel the pain you felt. Feel the suffering it brought about. Feel it all. If you want me to be there for you and guide you through that, I can do that. But if you can do it yourself, envelop yourself in the trauma. Make it your sole focus. And then accept the feeling. Embrace the feeling. And let it go.
What represses us is that which we don’t accept. We rejected these moments and the feelings they brought about in our past traumas and so, there evolves an ever existing conflict within… It’s just energy. A remnant of the past. It’s only as real as you believe it is at this point. So let go. Accept. And while listening to this field as it will help you fully release.
Forgiveness & Release
- While listening to this audio, think about who or what you have been holding a grudge against. Anything you have done that you regret. Anything anyone has done to you that you despise. Feel it. Feel the anger you felt. Feel the anguish it brough you. Feel it all. Cry if you have to. Embrace that pain. And then forgive. And let go. This audio will help you through this process.
Amygdala Healing
- Although, I won’t assume that fear is your issue here… this audio is still provides a tremendous release. Some of your memories may have negative mind-body assosciations and this field works on releasing them. Your amygdala is likely to have some sort of damage accumulated over time due to stress, ext… So healing this will be very helpful towards your recovery.
PS: Listening to this audio right after Internal Alchemical Crucible is a powerful combination that will help release a lot of built up energies in general.
And now… the fun stuff. For your daily meditation… I would recommend listening to these three audios for a while.
Ego Dissolution
Your ego is rather defined by your past. It is going to continually brings up thoughts that reflect the repression within you. Negative thoughts that distract you from the present and invoke a sense of hopelessness. The problem is that we identify with these thoughts so they easily drag us down. So… meditate while listening to ego dissolution. This audios works on dissolving these automatic patterns as we listen, so we can be here now.
Breathe consciously and observe your thoughts. If you get pulled into the cycle of thoughts, worry not… breathe again. And… just be.
Then… listen to Imaginarium Divine or Higher Self Connection if you don’t have patreon.
Like I said before, it seems to me your psychic areas are quite active in your brain… So why not forge a deeper connection to your higher self! I think you’ll gain a faster connection to it over time. It won’t be right away as your energy system is rather blocked still. But listening to this audio daily will grant you a deeper connection to it which will allow you to… more easily tap into that childlike spirit that was repressed from you.
The goal is to reconnect with that energy so you can embrace that now. Embrace the creativity and imagination of a child as you are now. It is a lovely and freeing thing. While listening and meditating, intend on connecting to your childlike spirit. The higher self will help. And this brings us to the last audio…
Childlike Wonder
Listen to Childlike wonder! You can meditate while you listen or… you can just begin to… play. Play doesn’t necessarily mean pick up some toys and reenact toy story. Play means do something you love and enjoy to do. And use your imagination to bring it to life. To give it purpose.
For example, you can draw and imagine you are painting something for queen elizabeth’s court in 1800s in england. You could play grand theft auto and drive around imagining you are a time traveler who has come to warn the world of the upcoming apocalypse… but whenever you get too close to people, they try to fight you (which they always do) lol.
Be silly and make yourself laugh. Have fun with yourself. Do what comes to mind and just play. You know how to have fun. It is innate. It’s just a matter of tapping into that innate playfulness. Listening to this audio, especially after the previous two, will help you tap into that.
This whole combination of things should help release the repressed energies within but also reconnect you with a part of you that’s been blocked for years. Hope this helps 
Maybe my hard shell and trying to be upbeat at all times is just making things worse for me and I need to feel the pain and sadness and anguish to let all of these emotions out of me.
