(Keep in mind this post is very explicit)
How to become a Master in the Bedroom
(This post is for men and women)
Something that rarely gets talked about is how to be good in bed. Actually being good at sex is an essential skill, but there really isn’t much good information or advice given on the subject. Porn is the worst place to get any education about sex because it is staged and extremely unrealistic. For example, thrusting like a jackhammer does not equate to having good sex.
The fact that over 50% of women have never had an orgasm is very telling about how unfulfilling many men are at sex. But this thread is not only for men; it is also for women to be more active in the bedroom and achieve a more fulfilling experience.
Sex is very fulfilling with the right partner and can bring you both much closer together. Even if you are engaging with others purely for pleasure, it’s much more fulfilling to have great sex that leaves a positive experience for both partners. Sex is a skill like any other and will go a long way in enhancing your connection to romantic or sexual partners.
Many people who lack sexual confidence or knowledge about how to please their partner often project that uncertainty in the bedroom. This is often due to a lack of knowledge.
Even if you aren’t sexually active, this is useful knowledge to have in the back of your mind if you do engage. This is universal advice that should apply to most people. I’m not sharing this because I’m some master, but because I’ve learned things over the years that I think would be helpful for most people to know as well.
Sexuality
Know what you are into. Understand what appeals to you. Don’t be ashamed of your desires unless they are genuinely harmful to you or others (like pedophilia, for example). Kinks and preferences are often ingrained in your sexual desire, and that’s fine. Whatever it is, it makes you a unique individual. There are certainly others who are willing to fulfill those desires for you.
There are many variations of sexuality, and you should never be convinced that sex should be a certain way. How we desire and feel pleasure is always an individual thing. Forget about what society thinks.
For example, some men like to be dominant in bed, and some women like to be submissive. This is a common dynamic. But there are also many men who prefer to be submissive and women who like to be dominant. Some couples switch roles from time to time. The dom/sub dynamic exists in most orientations (like top/bottom in the gay community) and represents the give/take push/pull dynamic in the duality of the masculine/feminine dynamic.
Know what you are and what you seek. Understand what drives you. Don’t be ashamed of your inclinations. What you lean towards exists, and people who know themselves sexually are usually the most sexually active. Being confident in what you desire creates a subconscious imprint that naturally draws compatible people to you.
Many people are sexually repressed and carry shame, taboo, or insecurity, which blocks them from having an attractive sexual imprint in their subconscious. This, in turn, hinders their ability to draw in people with whom they would have sexual chemistry.
By being grounded in your sexual desire and owning it, you will draw the right partners to you. Your subconscious communicates everything to others. This is why so many people struggle in the dating world today; there is so much doubt, repression, blame, and hate held within that it repels potential partners. How you feel about yourself is an aura in itself. Your vibe is always felt.
Communication
At the base of human connection is communication. Many people struggle with listening to body language. Verbal communication accounts for very little of the actual communication between people. For example, your cheeks might blush, you might fidget after an uncomfortable topic, a lady playing with her hair might indicate interest, someone mirroring your hand movements or stance suggests rapport, and a person’s breathing getting slower when they feel comfortable and connected with you are all significant cues.
These non-verbal signals are constantly at play and can tell you what words cannot. Paying attention to body language will help you understand your partner better, especially when you get intimate. This is very important. But before you get there…
Physical touch is incredibly important before getting intimate. Caressing your partner, holding their hands, playing with their hair, holding them, playing thumb war, or touching their shoulder during a conversation can increase the magnetism between you. It’s like rubbing wool to create an electrical charge. The more you touch your partner, the more that charge will increase. Balancing this with some push and pull will heighten the desire even more. By push and pull, I mean touch and then refrain from touching for a bit. When you touch again, it will be more impactful.
For those already in relationships, you likely have an idea of what your partner enjoys. But for new relationships or hookups, communication is crucial. When getting intimate, it’s important to ask, “How do you like it?”, “How do you want it?”, “What stimulates you most?” Keep it simple and sexy. Whisper it in their ear or ask as you kiss their neck.
Your partner might prefer it rough, slow, with lots of foreplay, or in another way. You won’t know unless you ask. Guessing or doing what you’re inclined to do might work sometimes, but other times it can backfire. Simply asking these questions puts you ahead of most people who don’t bother to ask. It’s not a sign of insecurity; it’s proper communication. You don’t know their body and needs better than they do, so the only way to find out is to ask.
When you begin getting intimate, there is more to communication, but I’ll cover sexual communication in a few bullet points. Before that, remember that body language is just as important during intimacy. Sometimes your partner might not communicate verbally that they aren’t enjoying the experience or want to do something different. That’s why you need to pay attention to their body. While some non-verbal cues might mean nothing on their own, a combination of them clearly indicates they are not into what is happening. It’s important to be conscious of this. If you notice it, ask, “Would you like me to slow down?”, “Tell me how you want it, my love,” or “Talk to me, baby, you want it like that?” Asking, “What’s wrong?” can suggest something is wrong, so stay in the sexual flow.
Here are cues to keep in mind. Many of these also apply outside the bedroom, indicating interest or disinterest.
**Non-Verbal Cues Indicating Discomfort or Lack of Enjoyment**
- Body Tension: Stiff or rigid body movements, clenched fists, or tense muscles can indicate discomfort or lack of enjoyment.
- Lack of Eye Contact: Avoiding eye contact or looking away frequently might suggest disinterest or discomfort.
- Minimal or Forced Responses: Limited physical responses, such as minimal movement or forced, mechanical actions, can indicate a lack of engagement.
- Facial Expressions: Frowning, grimacing, or a blank expression can be signs of discomfort or displeasure.
- Withdrawing or Pulling Away: Pulling away or distancing themselves physically can indicate a desire to stop or take a break.
- Lack of Vocalization: Absence of positive sounds, like moans or sighs, and instead, silence or strained sounds might indicate a lack of enjoyment.
- Rapid Breathing or Holding Breath: Unnatural or rapid breathing, or holding breath, can be signs of anxiety or discomfort.
- Inconsistent Movements: Sudden, erratic, or inconsistent movements might suggest unease or discomfort.
- Avoidance of Touch: Moving hands away or avoiding touch altogether can signal discomfort.
- Distracted Behavior: Frequently checking the time, looking around the room, or showing signs of distraction might indicate a lack of interest.
Non-Verbal Cues Indicating Enjoyment and Pleasure
- Relaxed Body Language: A relaxed, open posture and smooth, flowing movements suggest comfort and enjoyment.
- Maintained Eye Contact: Regular, meaningful eye contact can indicate connection and enjoyment.
- Positive Facial Expressions: Smiling, gentle biting of the lip, or other positive facial expressions indicate pleasure.
- Responsive Movements: Actively moving in sync with their partner, such as arching back, pulling closer, or moving hips rhythmically, suggests engagement.
- Vocalizations: Natural moans, sighs, and other sounds of pleasure indicate enjoyment.
- Deep Breathing: Slow, deep breaths can signify relaxation and pleasure.
- Touching and Caressing: Actively touching, caressing, or holding their partner suggests a desire for closeness and enjoyment.
- Positive Physical Feedback: Actions like nodding, smiling, or gently squeezing their partner’s hand or arm can indicate approval and pleasure.
- Flushed Skin: A natural flush on the face, neck, or chest can be a physiological sign of arousal and enjoyment.
- Leaning In: Leaning towards their partner and seeking more physical contact suggests enjoyment and a desire for intimacy.
FOREPLAY
When it comes to intimacy, foreplay is absolutely essential. Think of it not as a precursor to pleasure but as an integral part of the experience itself. Too many men rush through it, eager to get to the main event, but don’t be that guy. Instead, savor every moment and make her feel like the most attractive woman in the world. Confidence and patience are key.
One of the most crucial aspects of foreplay is anticipation. Building up the moment makes the eventual climax much more satisfying. Begin with intimate eye contact that conveys desire and admiration. When you kiss her, let it be a dance of tongues, flowing naturally and rhythmically. Kissing is an art, not a race, so take your time and enjoy each moment.
Teasing is your ally. Women love being kissed, licked, and sucked on different parts of their bodies before any direct contact with their more sensitive areas. Start by kissing her neck, behind her ears, and down her back. These areas are often overlooked but can be incredibly sensitive. The key is to be gentle and pay attention to her responses. Light touches and soft bites can send shivers down her spine.
When undressing her, don’t rush. Kiss her skin as it’s revealed, and when you reach her breasts, remember that the outer parts are just as sensitive as the nipples. Lightly kiss, suck, and lick these areas, gradually working your way in. This method not only builds anticipation but also heightens sensitivity.
When you move to her vagina, start by rubbing the areas surrounding it. This build-up is crucial. The clitoris is incredibly sensitive, so begin with light, soft strokes. Pay attention to her reactions and adjust your pressure accordingly. Slow, circular motions are often effective, and as she responds, you can gradually increase the intensity.
Introducing a finger can enhance the experience. Use a gentle, ‘come hither’ motion to stimulate her G-spot. This dual stimulation can be incredibly intense, so be mindful of her reactions. You can also tease by rubbing around the vagina and slowly building up to direct contact with the clitoris.
Foreplay is not just a lead-up to sex; it is an essential part of the sexual experience. Enjoy the process. Savor every touch. Really enjoy touching her, allowing yourself to feel pleasure from her pleasure. Be eager and enthusiastic, as this is key to being a good lover. Make her feel sexy and desired, caressing her body and expressing how much you want her. Reassure her if she’s self-conscious, especially about her body or her vagina.
Cunnilingus is a powerful aspect of foreplay that should not be overlooked. Begin with soft, gentle licks, gradually increasing pressure and intensity as she responds. The clitoris isn’t the only sensitive part; the labia and inner thighs are also highly responsive areas. Mixing up your technique—sucking, licking, and lightly biting—keeps things exciting and pleasurable.
When performing oral, start with light, soft licks. As she responds, you can increase the pressure. Suck on her clitoris lightly, covering your teeth with your lips, and combine this with gentle licks. Remember to give her clit breaks by focusing on her labia and inner thighs. Pay attention to her reactions and adjust accordingly.
Edging is another powerful technique. Bring her close to orgasm, then stop. This builds immense anticipation and can lead to a much stronger climax. As she gets closer, increase the intensity of your licks and strokes, making long, broad strokes with your tongue and applying more pressure.
Remember, her pleasure is paramount. If she orgasms before penetration, she’ll be much more satisfied, even if you don’t last long. Many women haven’t experienced orgasms regularly, so making sure she reaches one can make a huge difference in her sexual satisfaction.
Being a good lover means being attentive, patient, and eager to please. Treat foreplay as an essential part of sex, not just a lead-up to it. Enjoy the process, savor every touch, and make her pleasure your goal. This approach will not only make sex more enjoyable for her but will also enhance your own experience, creating a fulfilling and deeply satisfying intimacy for both partners.
Note: Enjoy giving pleasure and make it your goal to please your partner. Their satisfaction will only enhance your own in ways that make sex extremely enjoyable and fulfilling. Make sure your partner orgasms before you do, and remember to be fair and reciprocate oral pleasure. This balance and attentiveness will create a deeper connection and a more satisfying experience for both of you.
Women
A lot of foreplay begins before you even get to the bedroom. A flirty text or hint about what you plan to do to him later can build anticipation. Telling him you’re not wearing any underwear can drive him wild. Even a suggestive picture can be incredibly enticing.
(This advice applies to men as well, perhaps even more so! For many women, the anticipation and build-up are more important than the sex itself. If you’re on a date and things are escalating, whispering something like, “I can’t wait to get my mouth on you,” can work wonders. Similarly, women telling men such things can captivate them completely.)
Everything you do should convey that you want them. Half of making anything seem sexy is effectively showing genuine desire. If someone doesn’t feel wanted, they don’t feel sexy, and it kills the mood. So think about how much you want them and let it show in your body language, eyes, and voice. Get close, touch them, kiss them. They’ll get the idea.
Enthusiasm is key and is something many guys appreciate. Show him the same attention he gives you. Don’t act like being on top is a chore or give a half-hearted effort. Give him your all, ride him like he’s the last train home, and engage in passionate oral sex. Ask him what he likes. Take care of your man the way he takes care of you. It’s a mutual effort; they need love, care, and effort just as much as you do. Show interest and passion, and you will bring out the best in each other.
Make it clear that you need it, like you’re in heat and aching to be touched. Use soft caresses, kisses, hard breathing, moaning, and light scratching. Exhibit a sense of feral desire and aggressive submission.
Much of what I wrote for men to women applies to women to men as well. Eye contact is very stimulating, and communication is crucial. For example, if you want to try something new (like stimulating the perineum during oral sex), you need to ask if they’re okay with it. Some guys are into it, and some are not, so it’s best not to surprise them.
Men may not be as sensitive as women, but they love to be touched. Massage them, kiss them everywhere, whisper naughty things in their ears, and give love bites. Touching around the penis, like the inner thighs and pelvis, can work them up and tease them intensely. The ultimate truth is that men don’t need much foreplay; they’re usually ready to go immediately. Oral sex is always welcome! Giving a handjob while kissing his neck is extremely stimulating. Don’t aggressively jerk it; some penises are very sensitive, and that can make us orgasm right away. As always, men should communicate if something is too much or if they want it a certain way, and you should ask if they don’t.
If you’re giving a blowjob, enthusiasm is key. Want to do it and want to pleasure him. Men can tell if you’re into it or just doing it out of obligation, and the latter makes for a poor experience. Show genuine enthusiasm, and he’ll have a good time. Add variety—use your tongue, mix in some dirty talk, and ask ahead of time about any preferences, especially regarding ball play. Let him know ahead of time what you’re comfortable with regarding ejaculation. Teasing is good, and a tender, loving approach with occasional eye contact and genuine smiles can be very effective. Enjoy it and worship it like it’s your last supper.
If your partner is into it, licking his perineum (the area between his balls and anus) can be extremely pleasurable. Just above that area is the male G-spot.
When you’re going to have sex, avoid too much penis stimulation beforehand. Overstimulation can make a man finish too quickly. Men don’t need as much foreplay, and too much can make us finish immediately.
Intercourse
Men
If she’s not sufficiently aroused, continue with foreplay before moving to penetration.
Teasing Before Penetration:
- Start by teasing her with your penis, rubbing it around her inner thighs and gradually moving to her vagina. Rub it around her vagina for a bit. If she’s begging for you to just stick it in, don’t oblige right away. Rub her clitoris with your penis to work her up. After some time, ask her, “You want it, baby?” When she’s ready, begin penetration but not all the way in.
Finding a Rhythm:
- Start with shallow thrusts and find a steady rhythm. Gradually penetrate deeper and increase the pace. Treat it like a dance; music can help you maintain rhythm. R&B, Afrobeats, or Reggaeton often have sexual rhythms that are easy to follow.
Aligning Pelvises:
- When you’re penetrating deeply, align your pelvis with hers. This stimulates her clitoris with your thrusts, which is important because most women don’t orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. Grinding your pelvic bone against hers ensures clitoral stimulation.
Clitoral Stimulation:
- Rub her clitoris with your fingers while penetrating if possible. This greatly enhances the experience. If not, focus on other erogenous zones. Grab her nipples, her asscheeks, her thighs, her neck (if she’s okay with that), or pull her hair (ask first). Kiss, lick, and bite her to keep the passion alive.
G-Spot Pillow Method:
- Fold a pillow in half and have her lie on it with her ass raised for penetration. This position makes it easier to hit her G-spot, leading to consistent orgasms.
Moaning:
- Women love to hear you moan. It reassures them that you’re enjoying the moment. Don’t be silent; let her know you’re having a great time.
Communication:
- If she doesn’t seem to be enjoying herself, ask, “How do you want it, baby?” She might prefer rough penetration, but you won’t know unless you ask.
Dirty Talk:
- Mastering dirty talk can significantly enhance the sexual experience. Women often respond more to emotional stimulation than penetration. Foreplay is where real sex happens, and penetration is the icing on the cake.
Ensuring Orgasm:
- Pay attention to her moans intensifying and her getting louder. When she’s close, she might say, “I’m almost cumming.” This is your cue to go hard and fast. At this point, jackhammer thrusts can help her climax.
Delaying Your Climax:
- If you’re getting close to climax and want to keep going, switch to oral sex or fingering. Let her know you’re almost cumming or that you want to taste her again. While doing this, perform Kegels to redirect your sexual energy and slow down the ejaculatory urge. Moaning while eating her out or fingering her can also help.
Practicing Outside the Bedroom:
- Practice Kegels and other techniques to last longer during sex. Premature ejaculation can prevent you from satisfying her through penetration. Learning to control your climax will make you a better lover and ensure she gets off too.
Women
Communication
Communicate what you like and prefer. Many women want men to take the lead and don’t want to seem picky, so they just go with the flow and end up dissatisfied. Don’t be that girl. If you want it rough, say it. If you want it slow, say it.
Non-Verbal Communication
There are ways to communicate without talking. Use your hands. Touch, grab, hold, and guide. Move him the way you want him to move. Most men find this incredibly hot because it shows you’re engaged and enjoying yourself. If you need breast stimulation, grab his hand and place it there. Small gestures like a lip bite, a look down, or a thigh squeeze can communicate your needs and enhance the connection.
Participation During Penetration
Be more participative during penetration. Squeeze him with your legs, use your hips to thrust along with him, and touch and kiss him all over. Even our nipples can be quite sensitive! Show him you can’t get enough of him, and take over in a position or two to give him a break. Riding him also allows you to stimulate your clitoris by rubbing your pelvis against his.
Initiate and Vocalize
Initiate sex every once in a while. It makes men feel incredibly wanted and boosts their self-esteem. Be vocal during sex. Moan, react, and let him know how you feel. If you’re not vocal, we might think you’re bored.
Techniques and Tips
- Leg Wrap: Wrap your legs around his stomach, not his hips, to avoid creating resistance.
- Missionary Position: Touch his back, arms, butt, run your fingers through his hair, grab his face, make out, gently nibble on his lips, or bite his shoulder. If he’s more upright, run your hand up and down his chest.
- Girl on Top: Lean all the way forward, hold his head in your arms, play with his hair, touch yourself, touch his chest, or put your index finger in his mouth and let him suck on it.
- Doggy Style: Turn around and make eye contact. Reach through your legs to touch his balls (some guys like this, some don’t). Touch yourself, smack your butt, or do whatever feels good.
- Other Positions: Touch his or your body, make eye contact, talk dirty, crack a joke, laugh, compliment him, and moan.
- Kegels: Use your kegels to squeeze and release in rhythm with his thrusting. This increases pleasure for both of you.
By being engaged, communicative, and enthusiastic, you can create a more satisfying and connected sexual experience for both you and your partner.
Dirty Talk
Everyone is different, so there isn’t a universal dirty talk that works for everyone. Understanding someone’s vibe and their preferred way of communication is intuitive. Also, not everyone is into dirty talk, so keep that in mind. However, the potential dirty talk shared here should be effective for most men and women.
The real secret to dirty talk is accepting that we all feel weird, awkward, and corny when starting. The more you do it, the smoother and more natural it feels.
Women
It doesn’t take a lot for a woman’s dirty talk to be effective on men.
- Tell him what you’re going to do to him, tell him what you’re doing to him, then tell him what you just did.
- Encourage him: “Harder, deeper, etc.?” “You do that so well.” Tell him how great you feel, tell him when something really turns you on, be loud at times just for the hell of it.
- Tell, don’t ask: Dirty talk is best when it is statements (“I love that”, “You feel so good”, “I want to XYZ…”) and it is worst when it is questions (“How does that feel?”, “Do you like that?”).
(This is very explicit so have to hide)
**Examples:**
- “Fuck my tight pussy, baby. Oh yeah, give it to me harder.”
- “Oh right there, baby. Mmmmmm, you’re gonna make me cum all over your hard fucking cock. You want that?”
- “Yeah, you wanna make my pussy drip for you?”
- “I’m gonna take your big load of cum in my tight pussy and suck it all out of you, baby. Oh fuck yeah, I’m cumming.”
- “Pound me.”
- “Beat it up like it’s yours.”
- “I love it when you fuck me hard.”
- “Don’t stop.”
- “It feels so good.”
- “Your cock feels so good inside me.”
- “I can hardly take it.”
- “I need it. I need you!”
- “Yes, that feels so good.”
- “Yes, make me cum.”
- “Harder.”
- “Your cock is so big.”
- “Fuck me.”
- “Kiss my womb.”
- “Spank me.”
- “Bite me.”
- Beg him: “Please, give me more.” “Take me.” “I love how you fuck me.”
- “Please touch my ____ again/more.”
- “I’m your good girl.” or “I like being good for you.”
As said before, showing us your desire makes us feel so damn good. It’s incredibly pleasurable to know and feel that you want us more than anything in that moment. Vocalizing how much you’re enjoying it makes us feel great.
MEN
In essence, dirty talk for men involves saying “What I’m going to do to you, what I’m doing to you, and what I just did to you.”
Women want to hear what you want to do to them and how bad you want them. The build-up and back-and-forth are key.
**Before sex:**
- “Fuck, I want you so bad.”
- “I can’t wait to get in that body of yours.”
- “You are so beautiful/hot. I’m so fucking lucky.”
- “I can taste you on my lips already” (when you’re about to go down on her).
- “Fuck, you’ve got me all worked up.”
- “Guess what? You’re mine tonight.”
- “I can’t even tell you the filthy things I’ve been thinking about all day/thinking about doing to you.”
**During sex:**
- “You look so pretty when you’re taking my dick.”
- “You feel so good.”
- “You’re so warm.”
- “I love going deep inside you.”
- “You’re all mine, aren’t you? You just can’t help yourself.”
- “You are so delicious” (while eating her out).
- “Cum for me, grip my cock.”
- “You look so pretty with me inside.”
- “Look at me.”
- “Shut up and take it.”
- “You look so fucking pretty, baby.”
- “You don’t get to finish until I say so.”
- “You feel so fucking good.”
- “Good girl.”
- “This is so good I can’t hold it in.”
- “You are so fucking tight, I don’t know how much more I can take.”
- “I will eat the fuck out of your pussy.”
- “Yeah, work that pussy/ass. Good girl, just like that.”
- “You like it when I fill up that hot wet little pussy?”
- “You take it so well.”
**Rough Talk (if she’s into it):**
- “Good slut.”
- “Cock hungry little slut.”
- “Oh yeah, take that cock, baby/bitch.”
- “Fuck, that feels incredible. Yeah, you’re my sexy little girl/bitch/whore/slut.”
- “Who’s my sexy little girl/bitch/whore/slut?”
- “You dirty little bitch/whore/cunt, you’re MY dirty little bitch/whore/cunt.”
- “I’m gonna fuck you till you scream my fucking name.”
- “I know you want that cum in you, you dirty little whore/bitch/cunt.”
- “Take that, you fucking cum slut.”
- “Whose pussy is this?”
Understand that these examples are to give you a better understanding of what dirty talk is like and what tends to work. Whatever you do should feel natural, but it will feel awkward at first. It gets less corny the more you do it. Dirty talk is not 100% necessary; moaning is the best dirty talk there is. But dirty talk amplifies things and brings more emotion and connection to sex. Women love to be mentally and emotionally stimulated, and this doesn’t change during sex.
CONCLUSION
That’s all I got for now. I can’t believe I wrote this much about sex, but I think a lot of people will find this information useful. Some of the insights come from my own trial and error over the years, and others are things I’ve read. Compiling everything into one cohesive thread should be very useful for many of you.
Sex is an essential aspect of human existence, yet many of us have little to no knowledge about how to be good at it. I wish I knew most of the stuff I just wrote when I first started out. However, I know some of you are rather young or in the dating world, and having this information firsthand and putting it into practice will set you above the majority of other people out there.
Seriously, remember this information and put it into practice when the time comes. While sex isn’t the most fulfilling thing in the world nor the most important aspect of a relationship (in my opinion), it is still integral to relationships. Being able to satisfy your partner sexually goes a long way toward the success of a relationship. Also, why not be masterful at an activity like this? Like anything else, there is skill involved, and most of us just wing it through life without ever learning how to be good at it. So, I hope these tips help in any way.
Part of what the Radiant Sexuality field is about is enhacing your sexual energy and it’s really not just for… semen retention. That is really not it’s focus. It’s mostly about your sexuality and performance in the bedroom. Enhancing it to its best potential. This information I shared with you helps you actualize that potential into practice that will make you a master in the bedroom.
