Self sabatoging my dream relationship?

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#1

Hi everyone, I have written about relationship anxiety/ocd on this forum in the past, but wanted to just share some things I’m going through right now, in hopes that maybe someone has advice or audio suggestions.

In the spring, I finally decided I was ready to find my soul mate. I have only been in one very long term relationship in the past and it was extremely emotionally abusive. So I have been nervous about dating, but did a lot of work on myself and limiting beliefs I had. I wrote down a list of about 50 different things I wanted in my dream man and that night I asked God/universe to bring him to me. A few weeks later I got a DM from a guy I had been following for years and he asked me on a FaceTime date (we live in different countries). I usually wouldn’t FaceTime someone because I do deal with social anxiety. But something took over me and I said yes. We FaceTimed and it was amazing and we continued to FaceTime every few days (sometimes 6 hours at a time). What was crazy, is he is ALL the things I wrote down. Even small things like “doesn’t swear” came true. I laugh when I think about it. His personality is a 10, his looks are a 10, he has a growth mindset. He is my dream guy. I had been experiencing relationship OCD worrying that I “don’t have feelings for him”, but I worked on that and have been doing better. However over the last 2 weeks I have been really in my head. Feeling like I’m going to ruin the relationship. Feeling like I can’t just talk and be myself. It’s almost like that thought of finally being in a happy relationship scares me? We are meeting up in a different country in a few weeks and I’m so nervous. When I am anxiety free and in a flow state, I am able to be who I want to be. Talking, expressive etc… but when I’m in my head (like I am now) I feel I can’t express myself, I feel myself pushing him away, etc… Could my subconscious mind be protecting me from being in a relationship since my last one was abusive? I seriously don’t want to mess this up, but I am so scared.

Sorry, I wasn’t expecting this to be such a long post. I’m not entirely sure why I’m writing this. Maybe I just need to vent. It just seems like I always need to be fixing something and can’t truly relax and be happy. I am always overthinking and being overly critical of myself. I know I have so much love to give, at times I feel it. But over the last couple weeks I haven’t been able to give it. Even doing things like telling him he looks nice makes me feel uncomfortable. I am trying to manifest not feeling this way. But even when I script things, it’s like my mind is telling me not to do it. So I’m worried when we meet up, I won’t be feeling like myself. It should be a happy and exciting time and instead I’m stressing, so I’m worried I’m manifesting this relationship not working out.

This is a list of the ones I’m listening to everyday. I started conceptual realizations and plasma flaunt about 4 days ago. I have a mix of emotional, brain and physical ones. I also listen to 8 hours of self love affirmations while I sleep.

ego dissolution
Subconscious beliefs
conceptual realizations
emotional release
become whole
self confidence (sometimes)
amygdala healing
Plasma flaunt
brain regeneration
superhuman genius
brain dancer
radical positive change
blessings of Aphrodite
face lift 2.0
butt enlargement

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this <3

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#2

I think this might have to do with your anxiety about feelings/emotions rather than the actual relationship. Your anxiety is that you “should be feeling xxxx” or you “should feel xx when xxx happens” but then it becomes projected, if that makes sense. It might help to hear that in any relationship, no one feels xxxx all the time. Honestly love as a feeling is fleeting. But that doesn’t mean you are not in love or in a good relationship. Emotions and feelings don’t work like machines or codes do. I hope this helps. PM me if you’d like to chat further.

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#3

I hope phanter get a way to you! She is very good at erasing anxiety and giving you boost for confidence.

It also comfort my angoraphobia ( due to covid) I develop this weird anxiety. Fck that lol but it slowly improving.

Also try to use confidence audio twice a day everyday. Don’t skip a day. Be consistent with it.

I hope you and him have successful journey to meet in real life!

Don’t forget to add unconditional love. Listen to it everyday. So you can fill your being with love. And that it makes you more attractive :slightly_smiling_face:

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#4

Silent Mind My friend, It’s the best field for silencing the mind, Removed my social anxiety, removed my negative self thoughts.

I only feel the bad thoughts or overthinking when I don’t have it.

Only 60 bucks, get it, print it, use it.

Wear it all the time, sleep with it. you will be fine.

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#5

From your post, I see that you have several issues in your life. They are correlated and require extensive healing before you can improve any area in your life.

The Crucible series on Grumroad would be the first ones I would recommend as they ease up the pains in the past, making it easier to work on.

Raise your vibration (Vibration series, Light and Vibration Guidance, Ascension-naut) and control your inner negative thoughts (Silent Mind NFT). Flight to Fight can help with the anxiety/fear feelings. Again, they make it easier to confront your problems.

The main part - learn to understand your subconsciousness, release the attachment to your past, and reprogram your core belief. Meditate, interpret your dream, listen to your thoughts, identify the roots of your negative beliefs, change them to more positive ones, face your fears, step by step. It is painful and tiring (that’s why I recommended the above fields to make the process easier to breathe) but the work needs to be done.

The Freedom course is now free and highly recommended.

Personally, I took the courses from https://university.personaldevelopmentschool.com/. They have a 7-day free trial. Some courses about self-love, personal need, and social anxiety may be helpful to you. They also offer courses for relationships for each attachment style.

Other fields would be a plus. You may drop some physical fields to focus more on healing.

Finally, be patient and persistent with the process. Wish you good luck and happiness.

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#6

Who is Phanter?! I would love to have her erase my anxieties.

I will keep up with the confidence audio. Thank you so much! I hope it goes well when we meet too :)

#7

Wow thank you for that recommendation. I am going to buy it now. The reviews look great. I have never used an NFT before, so this will be my first. I hope I do it right haha.

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#8

The Black Panther Totem - NFTs - Sapien Medicine (enlightenedstates.com)

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#9

Thank you! Will look into this one :)

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#10

if i may…

you have met your match perhaps and then came this grinding insecure feeling…

this i fathom allways happen when a person recieves what the person longs esp when it comes quickly and esp when what the person is longing is intimate.

when your match from your dreams shows, all insecurities about yourself come on the surface and begin to torment you… perhaps you are also secretly afraid to be abusive to the new guy.

all of this is because you are not like the --normal-- people and you are concious about many things. that is why for you it is complicated.

what is the most important advice i can give is not to attack yourself. leave space for you,breathe.

and you shoul be perhaps using the crucible of the past and also of stored trauma.

you i feel are a qualitly person, just try to focus on the now… the NOW, each now… dont focus on future or past.

one more last thing: if he is the one for you he will understand YOU and also be supportive. you cannot take 100% of a relationship and expect happyness, let go of controll and know you are responsible for 50% of your relationship and everything that happens between you. remember it always and you will have your new chance of a relationship.

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#11

Aah I hate when the ocd steps in. The only thing that’s helped me is Clomipramine (from Dr) and it completely cancelled out those thoughts for me, which is great.
I’m weaning off them and using Sapien to help, so I can keep this feeling.
We seem to be doing the same fields too, but keep going with them. I have noticed a difference since using them for my mental health in general.

Fingers crossed for you!

I think a lot of these behaviours stem from childhood, so identifying the triggers and rationalising the thoughts you’re having can be a great help.
I also find whenever I have a thought I don’t want that keeps repeating, I say over and over the opposite of that thought until it goes (and eventually becomes my reality. What we expect becomes solid.)
Telling yourself everything is fine and always has been. Any silly thoughts can go away, they have no place in your mind at this time, because everything is great and you’re a master at this! :)

#12

Thanks so much for the advice, it makes a lot of sense. It’s like I wanted this person, and now that he has shown up, I feel like maybe I’m not ready, like I need to fix myself and feel perfect before I can be with him. I had been working on my confidence before, and when I was in that confident state he showed up. However now I’m putting so much pressure on it and it’s bringing out all the insecurities.

I will definitely check out the crucible series. And you are right, I need to focus on the now. I am always thinking about the past or worrying about the future, so I rarely find myself at peace in the present. I would like to believe that if he is truly the one, then nothing will stop us from being together. Hopefully he can accept my faults. Thanks again for the advice :slight_smile: It’s much appreciated.

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#13

Thanks so much! Yes OCD is the worst. I’m glad to hear you are doing better using the clomipramine and sapien audios. OCD is a tough thing to go through, because it causes so much self doubt. I agree, it could be stemming from childhood. I was bullied for a couple years in elementary school and I think that may have put some subconscious beliefs that I am not good enough for people to love me. Even though I have a loving family, I always feel I need to be perfect for people to love me.

I love the idea of saying the opposite thought over and over. I do quite a bit of positive affirmations as well as scripting (law of assumption, living in the end). However sometimes while I’m saying the things I want, my mind tells me I don’t want it, and don’t want to be happy. I’m hoping thats just another OCD thought, but it’s draining. Will keep pushing through though. Thanks so much for your advice :slight_smile:

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#14

Thank you so much for taking the time to offer me this advice! I will get the crucible series off gumroad. Do you think I can just add it into my current list of audios, or is it something I should solely focus on? Everyday there is new audios I want to add, and I’m worried i’m overwhelming my system haha. But I want to listen to them all. You are right about all those steps I need to take. I tend to suppress and avoid feelings I don’t like, which I know makes the situation worse. I also was thinking, how It’s almost like I’ve become so used to having anxiety, that I am almost uncomfortable when things are going good, and then I self sabotage things in my mind.

I checked out the personal development school and It looks great. Thanks so much for sharing that with me. Lot’s of love! :slight_smile:

#15

I think adding The Crucible of the Past with a field for vibration may be sufficient for you at the moment. Depending on your problems, you can use Flight to Fight to handle anxiety or Silent Mind NFT to handle negative inner thoughts.

You can test out your energy system to see how many fields you can handle a day. Normally I don’t have any problems with using many fields, except for brain-related, plasma, and some very strong fields.

I understand the fear to deal with difficult emotions. It was very hard for me at the beginning, to the point that I felt numb and sick the whole day. But then it got easier, and fields supported me a lot as well.

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#16

Thank you so much love. I think you are right, I think I am so in my head and focused on analyzing my feelings that I can’t enjoy things. Your words definitely help. I will PM you today if that’s ok :pray:

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#17

Hey :)

You’re so welcome :pray:

Thank you, I’ve actually come off the Clomipramine to see if I can work with the audios without it. I find it made me extremely sleepy and unmotivated, even though it completely got rid of the worst symptoms.
I’ve been using a number of fields to try and help :) I will keep you updated on the progress (I really hope I remember to do so as my memory isn’t great), but I’ve found a lot of peace using the Point Of No Return stack :)

That’s such a shame to hear :( bullying is awful, really leaves some nasty scars.
I wonder, have you listened to Become Whole Self Acceptance/Self Love & Dissolve Insecurities?
I will be trying this one personally. Was writing up on each field to get familiar with them and this one looks really promising.

It’s great you’re into scripting and the law of assumption! I did my own experiments with it all at the beginning of the year and can say with full confidence that it really does work :) (although haven’t used it for OCD, but you’ve inspired me there to do so :) )

Awh, that does sound draining :( keep persisting with the change in thoughts, even when it’s hard. It will naturally change course in due time.

You’re doing great, I truly believe it will improve for you as you have the determination and all the tools you need. Sometimes it just takes a bit of time, but every day is one step closer to getting through it all.
We are rooting for you :) wish you all the best! You deserve the best!

#18

The source of Imogen’s angoraphobia

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I couldn’t resist, Imogen. Don’t be afraid - he is really cute and cuddly!
:rofl: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

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#19

That fear to sub protecting you, maybe from that last painful relationship and also your general anxiety.
Add to your stack the all purpose anxiety removal and the extrem self confidence, both on Youtube

#20

Lol that’s cute bunny :two_hearts:

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