Doing what you feel like and when you feel like it.
Associated attributes: Letting things go, giving up, listening to your heart, intuition, …
I think the former is beeing much more applauded in our society, because you do all the right things . But nobody asks you how you feel while doing that. And I think you can become too hardened on the inside and possessed by a goal that you are blindly following, which not even suit you (anymore).
On The other hand the latter sounds good but if I dont force myself to do things I end up video gaming and wasting my time.
Maybe it requires a good intuition and higher self connection to understand what you REALLY feel like doing.
I’m also asking myself when is something really not good for me and when am I just beeing lazy ?
EGO vs. Non-ego also factors into that. I think it’s what I think is good for me vs. what’s really good for me.
What do you think about that ?
Every input is welcomed .
Maybe sit down meditate and ask yourself what is the deeper intent or emotion behind these tasks.
Lets say you play all day long and the desire runs out if you don’t know how it piled up it will eventually come back after some time.
If you deny yourself something out of hard work you could repress energies/emotions. Maybe that is why some of these people are not happy at all despite being successful.
Maybe it is both aspects that lead to deeper knowing of what your higher self wants.
For that don’t ponder too much on how you should achieve it I guess.
Just be yourself
Btw what do you want to achieve by acting in these ways?
Do you feel guilty after one extreme and then go to the next?
Whenever I hear a “should,” that’s a warning bell for me because, when we’re asking about should’s, we are then (to some degree) living according to others’ standards and opinions rather than our own. And we usually only do that when we don’t trust our own ability to connect with and understand our own Truth.
And I get it. I’ve had many times in my life when I’ve been trained away from or forgotten that ability of mine. But I want to start my part of this conversation with this reminder that you have your ability to connect with and understand what is True for you. Now what you “should” do, but what you want to do-- Let me rephrase that: what you Want to do (capitalized to indicate a preference from your Higher Self who knows all of your desires, preferences and intentions as well as the operating principles of this larger game that you’re playing).
So, let’s get to your question because I think it’s a good one. (And I’ll try to keep my personal opinions out of this, because I don’t want to should all over you.)
I’m going to suggest that there’s another “school” that you aren’t yet considering. And I’ll get to that in a little bit (although, as you read along, you’ll probably guess what I’m suggesting ).
I’ve been asked this question a lot over the years and what I’ve found is the definition of what constitutes “forcing” varies A LOT from individual to individual. So, what do you mean by “forcing”? What does “forcing” look like to you? How do you know when you are “forcing” or simply “deciding” or “choosing”?
I love that you’re saying this on this forum. You see, this comment (either from my own self–yeah, I own it–or others) is almost always an indicator of something that needs to be released and/or healed in some way. What you’re describing is the very opposite of self-love.
Now, that’s OK! It really is. As we’ve discussed in many places on this forum, the lack of self-love is a pervasive issue for so many people.
When I first read your post, I was reminded of a sign that one of my early dentists had in his office. It read, “You don’t have to floss ALL of your teeth–just the ones you want to keep.” And doesn’t that really capture what we mean when we talk about self-love (in this instance, in the form of self-care) here?
So, what you’re really saying when you make your statement is “I don’t really love myself enough to do this thing (or “these things”) that I “know” are good for me in the future.” Fair enough. You are where you are, and where you are is all right.
BUT, do you want to stay where you are? Or do you want “more” (according to your standards and definitions) for yourself? (Hint: that Higher Self I mentioned above? “He” wants more for you.)
Since I’m sort of flogging this horse of “what you want,” let me stop for a moment and ask you to consider what it is you want. (You don’t have to share that here). And I’m asking you to consider your list of what you want from a really broad perspective, not just material things (although those can be cool) but also what kind of life you want to live. Take a moment to think about that before you read on. (I’ll wait.)
(Did that? Cool!)
The reason why I asked you to consider what you want is this bit:
Is this one of your wants? (FWIW, it’s one of mine. As an aside, it’s my opinion that this is one of the reasons why most people want more money in their lives, so that they can more easily do what they feel like and when they feel like it.–Oh, wait, I said I’d keep my opinions to myself. Shoot!)
Now, I don’t know for sure what your answer is but, from your words here, I’m guessing that your answer is “yeah, i want that.”
The thing is I don’t see these two schools of thought as incompatible as you’re presenting them, especially given the tools that we here have access to. So, my 3rd “school” is recognize when you’re making your choices from a place of not-self-love. Then use these tools to release, clean up and heal whatever’s prompting you to make your not-self-love choices. When you do that, then there’ll be very little “forcing,” in a true sense of that word, for you to be doing. My definition of “forcing” is trying to overcome my unhealed parts through effort. And, as you point out, we can do that. Many people in this world do. Why they’ve chosen to do that is their own business (and probably there are as many reasons as there are each of those people who’ve chosen to do that). But you (and the rest of us here) have different options.
Now, I want to promise you that what I’m about to say here is, by no means a judgment. I’ve worked with a LOT of people who have told me the same thing (or a variation of it). And of all those people (literally hundreds) I can only remember 1 person where video gaming was a True Choice, which was inspriing and enlivening to him. (Last I heard he was enjoying a successful career working on video games.)
Now, I enjoy zoning out or decompressing as much as anyone. But that’s not what I would call “life-giving.” (Another aside: I started to write “I enjoy killing time” but then I remembered another saying, the title of a lithograph I once saw, which read "Killing time…and vice versa.) A lot of people confuse “decompressing” with “life-giving” because sometimes we have to decompress before we allow lifeforce to once again flow into us.
Again, I don’t know what you Want (that True Want–and it’s none of my business) but it’s my guess that it’s likely that you Want your life to be inspired, that you Want to enjoy using as much of your talents and abilities in ways that truly interest you and that you Want to enjoy true satisfaction and self-love (however you define those things for you) in your life. When you are making choices which provide you with these things then, in my book, you are making a “True Choice.”
From your Higher Self perspective, these might be the same thing. Time for another opinion, with a story first: I was listening to a lecture where the lecturer asserted that “The Number 1 Asset in Life is People,” which really got me to think, because I could tell that wasn’t really my Truth. As I chewed on this, I discovered, for me, the number 1 asset in life is Time because we get what we get and t hat’s it. We can’t make more of it and it’s the basis for every other aspect of our life experience.
I started this reply asking you to contemplate what you want. Again, that’s none of my business. Let me end this reply with another thought exercise for you:
What kind of life do you Want to live?
Do you want to live a life full-out, where you extract the best (according to your standards and definitions) that is available in every given moment?
Or do you want live your life according to others’ standards and definitions (letting them should all over you)?
Or do you want to flatline, coast and get through your life in the way so many others do?
Or do you want something else that I haven’t yet mentioned here?
When you use what you *Want" (again, that True Choice) as your North Star if you will, then you might redefine what’s “forcing” and what’s “choosing” for you.
For example, you found your balance point in terms of walking and now I bet you hardly even think about your balance point there any more.
You did it with walking. You can do it with this, too. (Although when you read my reply, you’ll see that I don’t believe that you need to find such a balance point.)
The trick is finding some pleasure in what is called future preference. If you stop resisting the sacrifice of necessary tasks, you will find they have their own small pleasures. I recommend the flight to fight field. Some of this is just a diversion from the “fighting” of life.
Thank you so much @WellBeing for your long and thorough answer . You hit the nail on the head!
That’s the next layer of the onion. I feel like I dont have that feeling that guides me to the healthy middleground so I repeatedly need to reevaluate my direction in certain areas of my life to keep myself on track. Because If I dont , I tend to gravitate towards an extreme.
“So how do I get back that voice that tells me what to do and how do I differentiate it from my ego ?” One might ask. Well, that I dont know yet…
So it all comes down to a lack of self-love?
I’m not surprised.
Its probably something I’ve been avoiding to REALLY look at.
Interestingly I just found that video that kind of encompasses my struggles and asks :“should we even want ?” “Doesnt the wanting signal yourself a lack of something?” Not necessarily my opinion, but just got it recommended on YouTube and thought I would share:
That is such an interesting quote and makes so much sense. All these self help gurus really are just rather putting in a lifetime of hard work and struggle, instead of looking at their self love issues …is that what it is ? Self help as a coping mechanism.
If think that really is the missing part for me.
Because all the self help stuff Is good ,but something always felt off for me and I could never put my finger on what it is. I thinks its that.
Thanks for your comment I’ll read that again tomorrow . A lot to unpack there:)
I love this discussion. This is honestly the balancing act that my entire service to others orbits around!
I think the most existential zoom out is this: as Alan Watts has said, whether you take it very seriously or not at all, you are correct.
Both are acts of doing. Both are a modality of how to do and be. And ultimately both have value.
To the point about intuition and perceptivity (higher self connection), Absolutely yes! I’d also distinguish and add instinct. Flow states and non-structure require that all 3 and a few more are onboard to work well. This is why you see people who are “just groovin” also dealing with a lot of problems, they haven’t actually mastered the toolset.
Flip side, hyper rigid structured “forcing” leave absolutely no room for serendipity. We are the universe being and doing. When a person decides they must “do it all themselves” they are essentially telling the rest of the universe that they’ve got it handled. Now ALL of the actualization is in the hands of this singular entity. Down that road, the more you force and control the more you MUST force and control.
The thing I’d add is that ego is on both sides. Perceptual identification with one path or the other.
For my part I practice and offer the middle path. “Just Enough”.
For a river to flow, more or less, it needs a left bank, a right bank, and a bottom. The rest is handled.
For a cell to absorb water in needs membrane, contact, and osmosis. The rest is handled.
The universe builds in complex, not complicated.
It also builds in stacks of simple holons.
When we try to handle every piece ourselves, as humans, we naturally err to the side of building fragile complicated systems. This ultimately won’t work without immortality. Maybe a private trust organization that treats it’s members as assets instead of people can do it, but otherwise humans wear out. We get tired. We get hit with speed bumps, have to recover our balance. The road of force and discipline is valid, but it requires a sustained and rather immense amount of self-generated control and energy to perpetuate.
Just enough structure. Just enough strategy.
The rest is instinct, intuition, perception, trust, flow, presence.
).
Time for another opinion, with a story first: I was listening to a lecture where the lecturer asserted that “The Number 1 Asset in Life is People,” which really got me to think, because I could tell that wasn’t really my Truth. As I chewed on this, I discovered, for me, the number 1 asset in life is Time because we get what we get and t hat’s it. We can’t make more of it and it’s the basis for every other aspect of our life experience.