So my higher self put me through the test last night. I went to astral project again and I told my higher self “let’s do this” and “that I’m ready now”. Well my higher self tested me by allowing me to be “attacked”. I got to the part where I awaken in my house like usual then I just see this energy I didn’t like it was dark. I told it to leave and it wasn’t having it and I grew very angry started screaming at it telling it it’s not wanted and doesn’t belong and it was like I could feel it laughing at me and it grew me even more angry. My partner was there even telling me to stop lets just go as I was being guided outside. Well this weird van all a sudden pulls up really fast and we were approached aggressively by what appeared to be a human and I attacked and threw him down my street which is a steep hill. Then out of nowhere It was like I was swarmed by things I couldn’t see but could feel and grew this crazy fear I can’t explain then I just started shaking all crazy could feel it physically even and I believe it was my higher self pulling me out the situation as I feel I was tested to see how I can control myself. I now have what I believe a better understanding to what I need to do and to why I haven’t been able to astral project yet. I need to control myself as I don’t know why I was so rageful but I was. I’m guessing it all comes down to being afraid? Maybe I was afraid I wasn’t being taken seriously by the energy I first saw and that’s why I grew angry? I’m going to be exploring myself more and work on really balancing these emotions and releasing as well. I’m learning I need more control and that’s what I’m going to do
The energy could’ve been your shadow, then the laughter launches you into a rage because “you can’t make me leave, I’m part of you” is not fun to hear. Did that dark energy remind you of any place, person, thing, or experience you can recall? Might be a thread to pull.
I have to try to pay more attention. I just know it was my house like usual and we went outside to the street. It could’ve been my shadow self as that is the me when I’m angry. I need to learn to release better. It seems I feel like I’ve released everything I’ll be so calm so stable for so many days then something just snaps in me when I’m finally set off and I’ll be in a rage state for about 24 hours until I’m back to my calm stable self again. I’m learning I feel rejected, hurt, controlled, disrespected, disloyalty, sometimes jealous even and that’s where my anger is all coming from. I don’t know why I feel this way. I just feel like people (not on here lol) they just laugh at me when I speak about my journey, I just recently found out somebody i considered a friend was just using me and i thought i released it till yesterday i literally woke up from a dream so rageful because i heard his name, I felt disloyalty and disrespected when I heard my partner was messaged by him when he should be blocked especially when i had to block and lose everybody because of my partner so i felt disrespected when i heard about the message asking to hangout no i never asked them to block them just expected it of them, I feel rejected and stuff because of my family especially my father they all just forgot about me and threw me away like some trash. I don’t want to make this too long but no matter how much I feel like I released these emotions it’s like they come back stronger and more rageful. Sometimes I feel like I’m meant to be alone on my journey as that’s when I feel I’m at my best and happiest self and it feels that’s the only time I’m actually listened to other than on here lol. My partner swears she listens and takes me serious but I don’t think they do. I don’t know why but I just feel like most people lie to me and laugh at me and I don’t feel that way about everybody just certain people. I don’t know if it’s true or if it’s just the way their carrying themselves while I’m speaking but I just don’t feel like I’m ever being listened to and things just show for it especially when people tell me to stop talking about things, some of these people just give one word answers like “yeah” or “okay” which to me it tells me they dont care, they dont respect me enough to listen and take me seriously. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a Leo or what but I expect certain things from people I love and it seems nobody but me really follows through if that makes sense. I feel if I would be alone for good then these feelings would go away but I made a promise to take care of my family to somebody that asked me while passing away and I dont break them no matter what. Sorry for going all over the place I’m just down right now and I’m trying to get out of it
IMHO, there’s no “release everything”. It’s a layer of paint that had dried, then another layer of paint, and another, and another. Each release gets rid of a layer of a specific color of paint in a specific spot on the painting.
So you might be working on red, but you’re working on THIS red, not THAT red, and only THIS layer of red in THIS spot because it’s the very next layer you can access.
Or, to pull out of the metaphor. You might be working on rage, but you’re working on this specific trigger for your rage. Maybe some are close enough to get clumped together, but certainly not ALL of them. And then, the thing that’s been blowing my mind lately, is the more I get to know myself, the more I discover new triggers - being in bad traffic may still annoy me, but it doesn’t piss me off anymore… but I might absolutely RAGE at someone’s passive aggressive tendencies depending on their objective.
OR, that might be my own limiting beliefs. Who knows?
As for toxic relationships… Man, that’s a two way street, right? As within, so without. Examine your relationships. Examine common factors. The people that get this reaction out of you, are there any similarities between them, or any similarities between how you feel about them/relate to them. Are you just looking for praise and recognition? Does that mean you’re doing this all for others, or are afraid you are? Figure that out, fix what you can, detach from what you can’t.