hi @Lanos i had this recommended to me: perhaps it can help you too
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I am sorry you are having such a rough time and thank you for taking the time to write so beautifully. Just to be clear, I absolutely donāt find that you are whining, we have times like these where we need to be heard and I think itās great that you chose to trust us 
While I canāt say that I have been where you are because who knows exactly what someone has lived or is living, I know that there are times that I have felt very similar to many of the things you wrote. One of the things that helped me the most was the book The Power of Now (I didnāt know fields back then). If you havenāt read it and are up for it, I recommend it 
I feel almost anything anyone says outside of āIām hereā is usually cold comfort because it is hard to have hope or to be told that the world can be a beautiful place when thatās not where weāre at (although I have come to have hope and do now believe that it can be a beautiful place, even if I never would have thought so not that long ago)
So if you need, Iām here You can always drop me a PM and itāll be my pleasure to read you
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Knowing your tarot birth cards can give you insight on what you are facing in life, it helped me understand what to work on and know myself more, even if Iām still dealing with my problems
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Somehow no one shared this one before
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Also if you can afford it, please buy The Unbreakable from Sapienās Enlightenedstates.com
Iām sure itāll help
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