Thank you sharing this.
So, I have a question for you (and there’s no need to take this as a suggestion): How much of your most recent experience might have been colored by your trepidation about your earlier experience?
Because isn’t it usual that, when we retry something that gave us a bad experience, we are often “on the lookout” for early warning signs of the earlier, unwanted experience? I mean, isn’t kind of normal that we retry our thing with a constant, vigilant dialogue of
"Jeez, I hope I don’t make myself sick again. I really didn’t like that. So, I’ll be on alert…
"That twinge, what was that? Is that relaxation? Or is that my stomach churning? And why is my stomach churning? Is that the first sign of my nausea? Oh G-d, I hope not. I really hated that.
“And is it spreading? No, no, it seems to be in the place… How about now? I mean, has it gotten better or worse? It’s so hard for me to tell but I gotta tell because I don’t want to have overload again and not be able to use my fields-- It’s worse, yup. I can tell for sure…”
I mean that’s what we all sort of do, am I right? But when we do this normal thing that we do, can you see how we’re also sort of talking ourselves into the very thing we don’t want?
So, my point here is maybe, just maybe, your most recent experience had way less to do with your field and way more to do with the sales job that your self-talk was doing on you. But here’s the good news: this just means you’re really God about being vigilant. This is actually a good thing.
And, here’s the even better news: If you do have some of this going on (and, like I said, this is normal), all you need to do is spin this thing around to your benefit. IOW, you can keep your vigilant attitude (which is good because neither you nor I are going to talk you out of this skill of yours, right? ). Just be vigilant about what’s going right for you instead:
"OK, so I’m going to give this thing that I want another shot. And I’ve learned that I’ve got excellent vigilance. I’m, like, an expert at being vigilant, which is a good thing. So, let me vigilant about all the things that are going right and which are comfortable for me in my experience. All the ways and parts of my body (and my energy systems) which are benefitting and enjoying my experience.
"And I can use my expert vigilance to my benefit in this way. Because when I use my expert vigilance in this way, this expert skill I have will now be my early warning system. I don’t have to focus on anything going wrong because, if something might going wrong, it’ll show itself to me in stark contrast against all the comfort I’m paying attention to.
“This way, I’ll naturally be able to catch myself in early, subtle stages, working with my body and my energy systems. And then I can stop myself when I need to, because I am now doing an even better job of working with my body and energy systems. I can do that!”