Dating apps

The Social Lounge Life
#1

Anyone ever use these? I have tried a few times and just end up cancelling the account. My shortest ever run was 1 hour this very week :joy: Looking at all the photos and ‘CVs’ makes me feel so uncomfortable, like it’s a market and I’m choosing a product. I get moments though when I feel I’d like to meet someone.

Being a single mum and usually with at least one your children doesn’t afford much opportunity. And even if a guy did approach me when I was with one of them I wouldn’t think much of that.

I’m curious how everyone else finds this phenomenon? Do you use them? Did you ever meet anyone you connected with deeply on such a site/app? Why did you decide to use them in the first place? And anything else you have to say on this topic…:heart::sparkles::heart:

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#2

They have never proved useful to me

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#3

Yes, me neither but that’s not so fair to say since I rarely give them longer than 24hours opportunity to prove me wrong. They sure don’t FEEL useful. But then I know a few folk who have made what look from the outside to be meaningful connections that way. Pretty ready for a partner, having been single for 5 years, but I guess I’m not so needy as to stay with something that feels disingenuous to me in order to attempt to achieve that end. Meh.

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#4

Sounds good, though how many others have found meaningful connection without dating apps? More right

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#5

Wow que hermosa :heart_eyes::heart_eyes::heart_eyes:

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#6

I had used them in the past mostly to seek for one nighters :joy:

However, what I’ve later, rather surprisingly, found out is that I’ve actually made a few friendships along the line.

So imo if you’re persistent enough, you can definitely find some decent people

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#7

Oh yea, cannot dispute that. I am this far not one of them though :upside_down_face: the dating apps lure me in every 6 months or so, and very quickly make me feel like I’m perfectly fine on my own. Imagine trying to meet someone when you are almost 40 and pure hoachin wi weans as you just go about your daily life? Tis no simple thing.

But honestly, they do just make me feel a bit gross. :thinking:

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#8

What’s beautiful? I had to Google that by the way :joy:

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#9

Could be, but I have a wonderful selection of those, couldn’t be luckier in that respect and am not great at the whole online thing. I have binges (like this last week on the forum, I’m really getting into it but I’ll likely fade into the background again before you know it) but I can never keep up momentum of replying to folks.

Nice to hear that for you though. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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#10

It also matters which dating app and which country :sweat_smile:
I know in some countries tinder is also like a platform for foreigners to meet and make friends which I wouldn’t have thought (in Asia).

Where I am basically tinder is for one night stands mainly or something casual, bumble is more for dating and meeting people (plus it has the friends function), there are some more “serious” ones.

I would suggest not to get emotionally involved until you meet someone a couple of times. A huge mistake people can make is start making up something in their mind which is not there, because they really want it to be true. When you don’t know someone irl it’s easy to fill in the gaps with fantasy.

Don’t think of these apps as old school “mailing” platforms, if someone doesn’t answer for 2-3 days, don’t take it personally… it’s a lot of time and energy to be chatting to some stranger all the time, so I think the winner strategy is to chat a little bit, bring up the big topics to discuss ground rules (no one night stand if that’s important for you/her etc, having/not having kids for compatibility if that’s important…), and then meet for max 1hour to see if you still like each other in person.

Minimize time wasted… otherwise you’ll quickly start to resent the whole experience.
As for bad experiences on the app itself, if someone if rude, just unmatch and move on, there is no reason to be hung up on some messages of a random guy and allow it to impact your life in any way 🤷
(A practical approach)

I have a friend who is married to the guy from her first tinder Date ever, some friends who are in serious relationships from apps, but also friends who have been on the apps but haven’t found anything substantial.

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#11

Aye, in Scotland tinder is for casual stuff. Never been anywhere near that one. Honestly it’s not likely I’ll use them seriously, like you say, takes so much energy to invest all that time not really knowing if it’s going to be worth it.

Hahaha, learned that one from experience. Not fun. Valuable lesson though.

Dating apps = really not for me.

I have a funny feeling I’m gona be single forever. :joy:Could be worse, I could dislike myself and be single :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

What do you think of dating apps, ever use them?

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#12

Your best bet would probably be to refine your searches to who would be most compatible with you. You mentioned you’re a single mother. So you’ll have better odds with a single father than one who has no kids.

From a man’s perspective with no kids, having the extra pressure and possible long term expectation of raising someone else’s kid isn’t worth it when the next single woman with no kids is a swipe away…as shallow as that may sound. A lot of single moms are looking for a relationship, but it comes with much more risk/responsibility for a man to start that relationship as a single man. I’m just shooting it to you straight! This has nothing to do with you, your kid, your personality, or what you can offer in a relationship, just a snap decision in the moment on a dating app. Hopefully this helps you gain some perspective.

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#13

:rofl::rofl::rofl: I’m not 100% sure, but by the way you arrange your language there I’m guessing you’re used to possibly offending people? I might be wrong.

I agree most completely with what your saying. I’d much rather a man who has children, as he’ll understand better why they are always the first priority to me and be less inclined to take that personally.

Though your answer is not all that applicable to me. I never have any trouble getting messages or interest on dating apps. It’s me and how I feel about them that is the problem. And really I was just curious as to how other folks found them. Not actually looking for advice on dating apps, just interested in how others have found them to be, if they’ve used them much and if they feel as much like shopping for a product as they do to me. :blush:

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#14

Doesn’t sound shallow, not to me at least, just sounds like common sense. :heart::sparkles::heart:

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#15

Yes, being in America with how sensitive people’s delicate feelings are is like walking through a minefield often. Maybe there’s more common sense in European women! I’d like to think what I said isn’t controversial, but to many here it’s seemingly insensitive and rude because it is confronting in some ways I guess.

I agree it does feel like shopping for a product. It is a snap judgement about looks and a little blurb about someone to get attention. I’ve used them in the past but have steered away from them lately. I am more interested in using an app called “Meetup” which I’m not sure if it is US specific or global. But it helps find like minded people for specific topics of interest like: hiking, socializing, language learning, sports, etc. From there, the people you meet in the group could have a spinoff effect into something more on either friends or a relationship with that initial foundation of common interest you share. It feels more organic and old school, which I prefer.

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#16

Oh god, yea! This is true, though I’ve not personally experienced it. My eldest son lives online and tells me horror stories of folks blocking him for what seems to us absolutely nothing (he’s as blunt as a spoon my lad, though doesn’t have an unkind bone in his body and refuses to change his nature to keep friends, I’m very proud of that in him and applaud it)

I don’t think I count as a European anymore, I’m Scottish and we still count as the UK, which is no longer European as far as I understand it. Though I hate politics, so the less said about that the better. It’s hard to offend a Scot. Maybe if you slag of their granny…better not though, you might get stabbed :wink:

I’ve got a meetup account, used it once to go to a meditation class. Might have another look at it. I much prefer the idea of meeting someone in that natural scheme of things and being friends first anyway. And it’s much easier to get folks to help with child watching when it’s to ‘go to a thing’ rather than ‘i just want to sort of walk around and see if I notice anyone I like’ :joy:

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#17

UK is definitely still Europe even if it isn’t in the EU. Just as much as Norway is too.

Yea since you’re already familiar with meetup, explore that more. Put your intentions out there, then let the attachment to the outcome go, show up and see what happens without a forced expectation. You MIGHT just have a good time with or without finding someone for a relationship that day! :wink:

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#18

Oh yea, I guess Europe and EU are two completely different things in the world. Duh! Shows how much I care, right? :upside_down_face:

Aye, maybes I will. Me and my soulmate sister were discussing how weird it is when it comes to relationships, how we change without even noticing it depending on how the relationship or potential relationship is being catagorised in our minds, how the expectations of what the person COULD be to us colours the whole thing pretty murky and weird. I don’t get anxious when SHE doesn’t reply to me strait away or even within a week. And neither does she likewise. Deep programming of what ‘romantic relationship’ should be. It’s gotta be shredded and burnt to cinders that shit.

Funny though, I’ve never been happier just to be on my own. Actually think it’s sex and physical intimacy I miss at the mo. And I’m really not keen on getting into that stuff with guys unless there is a bond of affection there. Done the casual thing (waaaaaay more than most women, I used to be a proper loose lass, actually have a tattoo on my tummy that means ‘whore’ back in the day when I was into owning that shit, was literally just thinking today as I passed my local tattoo place how I’d love to get it made into something more reflective of who I am now) and frankly I find it soul destroying. This thread has been useful for me today, I didn’t even realise its the more physical aspects of a relationship I’m missing until right now this minute talking about it. Processing with others can be so illuminating. :heart::sparkles::heart:

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#19

Well, it’s always possible, but you need to have a great mechanism to filter out people you don’t want to deal with. A woman who is intelligent, healthily emotional, caring and good-looking usually shouldn’t have a problem with finding someone, as with Sapien’s work, all of that is achievable. But, now that you’re almost 40 and a single mum, sorry to say it, the odds are usually not very high. For men, girls at age between 18-30 are most attractive, but after 30, it gets waay harder everywhere + being a single mum, it may be hard, so for many men, these are two huge red flags. Due to being a single mum, you may be seen as an irresponsible Chad-chaser. You can still find someone, but you will most probably have to lower your standards.

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#20

Aye, it’s really got to be one of those ‘chance’ things, meet a nice single guy who’s taken his kids to a festival or something. You’re not wrong pet.

Hahahaha, NEVER!!! Id rather die single, for realsies.

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