Post.
You have the title. Now write the book.
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I am curious, as someone who is married with children, is your spouse aware of and condoning of this part of your world? I find my spouse likes the results, the person Iāve become, but is really āDonāt ask, Donāt tell,ā when it comes to my esoteric world.
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I love this journal already 
You are so creative and inpirational.
Im a fanš
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Loved reading your thoughts. Iām not a mum myself but some of my dear friends are mums. Struggling with loneliness is a big theme for some of them. All their husbands are gone 10-12 hours a day to work, so all they Geberin at home is on them. And because looking after kids is taking all their attention and time, they donāt have much opportunities to meet friends and be themselves outside of being a mum.
What I noticed in my friends circle, there are mums who found one or two truly best friends who are also mums and understand the struggles and demanding tasks you go through. They live close to each other and meet almost daily. That gives them the opportunity to support each other and also to have a friend to talk to.
Itās a big win win.
My mum had her best friend living right next to us and we spent almost every day at each others houses. My siblings and I and the kids of my mumās best brief basically grew up together haha
My mum and her friend helped each other with cooking, picking kids up from kindergarten/school, taking kids to activities, and at the same time they always had good jokes and supporting words from each other. They did that for 15 years until we kids all had grown up. My mum often said she found so much support in that best friend and she wouldnāt have mastered challenges as well as she had thanks to her friendās support.
Sorry for taking so much space in your journal. Iām looking forward to reading more from you and wish you only the best for the New Year.
Being a mum means you are a true hero! You better always know that you are very special.
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Looking forward to all your journals.
Nice to see you having a positive perspective.
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Write the book. You have a best seller waiting to come out of you, I can already tell. The title alone is great. Seriously, try it.
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Its nice to read something like this, finding an outlet for spiritual expression even in the most mundane. Im opposite, alergic to mundane and my soul seeks the fireworks whether in big rituals or initiations or in the material to build an empire.
But its good to balance the mundane everyday process and remember to bring ones spiritual practice in all that we do.
Happy new year and bless ya.
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like literally?
i got āonlyā 27129 unread e-mails 
Just put your mind to it and one of these days you can be as popular as me. I believe in you!
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Aries? Sagittarius?
Yes!
You as well
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Capricorn mountain of ambition tho ironically not big on hard work
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The irony is not left on me
That my greatest wound upon healing
Would gift me the ultimate freedom
They sky is gray and dreary
-my all time favorite
and little drops of love from the sky hit my car
& by some divine luck, tiny humans sleep
Finally granting me a moments peace
And the irony is not left on me
That I am doing what not long ago consumed my very existence
It tormented me daily from the moment I awoke to the time Iād lay my head to sleep.
And I couldnāt tell you when
But sometimeā¦
Without a huge banner to inform me
Something changed
Those tears changed me.
The worlds found in fields changed me
And gave me an anchor to pull myself and all the generational trauma and trash I carried out of the darkness
And suddenly the world seems less like itās going to absolutely engulf me
Those thoughts and feelings that were hardwiredā and fired and wired under my conscious controlā arenāt there anymore.
Because emotional pain and trauma literally changes your body and mind. Encodes itself into your being.
All the other cars on the road fade away and itās just me merging with the dark sky
The feelings Iāve retrained myself to anchor to
And the raindrops are my friends,
And remind me how loved I truly am
And what I once feared
Is somehow now the absolute highlight of my day and I just donāt want it to end.
Ironic.
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Yes, implants, thought-forms, projectionsā¦ all of it gets sent your way through the astral matrix where everything intersects.
Pest control is always needed.
āWho is doing this, me, or an external force acting on me?ā
Make a habit of asking yourself this question as often as you can, until it becomes a Siddhi, and it is a Siddhi, believe me.
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I have a bad habit of scrolling for few minutes from time to time, its enough to get your mind polluted with stupid shit. While ago i said stop!
!!!
No scrolling no stupid stuff from internet.
Im slowly cleaning myself and focus on meditation,fields, nature,being centered and pressent and doing some serious cleaning of my mind.
It started to improve.
Very good point @Bewitched .
My gramndna always used to say āyour tableware canāt shine brigher than You honey, remember thatāā
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The curious case of the deceased butterfly
I was outside when I saw an almost deceased monarch butterfly next to our Christmas tree that was out with the green waste.
I took note of it, as it felt important.
A few minutes later, Iām walking in the grass and I look down and see a deceased monarch butterfly. What are the odds that Iād see it struggling, and then find it again someplace else.
I go inside and in the bathroom my eyes catch a pair of earrings that I never wear. There is a monarch butterfly print on them, and it just so happens to be upside down (symbolically deceased)
The butterfly used to be my totem animal.
I naturally identified with it.
If I was sending you something, Iād probably end it with a buttterfly emoji
I could help it, itās just who I was
It was my essence.
Now I canāt say I identify the with butterfly much anymore
It reminds me of transcending pain and traumaā¦ for some reason
Lately itās been the sun. Iām
Just obsessed with the sun.
And I canāt help but feel like seeing all these ādeadā butterflies was symbolic for the rebirth Iāve been having
The leveling up.
The butterfly seems to be tied to a different woman
I remember her vividly
But Iām quite literally not the same person
And I think thereās a lot to meditate and reflect on there, because itās a very unique transition
And Iām actually very thankful to be taking the time to write, as itās helping me move the subconscious into the conscious
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