Hi @Lucius ,
This mindset you find yourself in is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You will have to go to the roots of it. Don’t worry about where it came from (parents, childhood). Now your focus should be on defining a new you.
Sammy already described everything very well in the post above.
In essence, what it really is: Nobody has the right to define you. And in fact, if you think about this for some time, nobody except you can. This is the free will you have.
Your pain is very understandable. As humans we yearn for connecting deeply with another soul, so obviously we wish the other person perceive us as outstanding. But there is a fallacy here: You have an unrealistic expectation on yourself about being absolutely perfect (because she would only accept you if you are perfect). Internally you cannot reach your unrealistic expectation, no matter how hard you try. Think of a kid that is trying to reach a cookie jar in the kitchen cupboard but he is too small, feels dejected and doesn’t even try to reach those yummy cookies. Yet obviously, if the kid is resourceful, he can find a way.
You can ask yourself, when was the last time you thought very well of yourself, encouraging to yourself and uplifting thoughts in general, or regarding this particular issue? It might be a long time ago…
Also, another thing:
This is obviously not an easy situation. Now I don’t know your background of course, but if this migration happened recently, you are literally thrown into a new culture - that in itself harbors all kinds of challenges.
Now let me recommend some fields:
- Become Whole
- Self Love and Acceptance
- Non-judgmental Acceptance
https://forum.enlightenedstates.com/t/self-love-and-acceptance/63370?u=nice2knowu
These 3 should suffice. They specifically target how you view yourself and as an extension how you view others. I would say listen to these as much as possible.
Remember one thing:
These feelings you have, it does not mean you are inferior to anyone. It is simply an experience (if you are able to view it from this perspective, some of the energetic charge will lose its grip on you).
Good luck !