My friend, I’m sorry to hear all of that.
I can’t fully relate, but I went through dark times too.
My only Advices would be to focus on your chakras (with colors, Mantras, other exercises, which can stimulate and clear and strengthen your chakras), focus on anything, literally anything that you can find in this world or even just in fiction, to make you feel anything good, be it happiness, joy or maybe love.
Find ANYTHING you can that can help you Rekindle Your Spark, And try to shift from negativity and lack of love, to Positivity and love, light, joy, etc.
Analyze every single option that you can take, in order to improve your life, from finding a new job, new skills, to finding pleasure in anything, whether that is art, music or simply staying in some places, where there are people or in Nature, by yourself (only if it helps you).
You need to know that You Are a Precious Soul and that Every Single Soul has Meaning, and also, this life, despite the ugliness, still has so many beautiful experiences to offer, so much beauty and wonder to discover.
Find a new hobby, find anything to take your mind away from negativity and from suicide.
Use the healing that is being sent to you by Rosechalice and others, and use the fields that JAAJ posted and simply use anything which helps you.
Do not despair, do not focus on the negative things, simply change your focus to anything that helps you, and try to change things toward a better life, moment by moment, day after day.
I wish You All The Best!
If this could be solved somehow, then many other material things will be covered…
Enough Protein and vitamins and minerals are vital for your brain, mind, mood and energy - if only there is a way to get them.
Maybe someone from this forum can help you, hopefully.
At the very least you have to improve your curent condition and the fact that you asked for healing/support, means that you still have some hope left, fight for that hope.
Also, maybe accepting your situation and having no expectations is the solution, for now - but you can try this approach only if it helps you, hang on to whatever helps you.
There is light at the end of every tunnel, but you must move on through the tunnel in order to reach it.
One more thing:
Try this - - -
Try it Together With autossugestions or any helpful method, In order to bring more light in your subconscious mind and in order to install new helpful programs and beliefs and patterns there.