Hopeless / Have using the fields made me worse?

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#1

Hello, everyone. I am new to this forum page and want to preface everything by saying thank u to anyone who can offer some help to me in my situation. I am a bit desperate as to why I am seeing some advice anywhere I can.

I am in the worst shape I have ever been in in my life, mentally, psychically, emotionally and spiritually. I have read some stories on here where people have asked for context to better understand someones situation so I will provide that to you all (if it truly does matter)

I have seen the decline of my world as I’ve known it pretty steadily for about 5 years now, experiencing the worst turmoil that I could’ve imagined (at least in my ego’s pov) but also in my spirituality and connection to life. Lost friends, lost my passion (quit playing sports in college and moved back home) heartbreak with a relationship I was heavily invested in… This then led to me self sabotaging myself and experience traumatic events that have unexplainably ruined my mental state and those to this day I have not been able to let go of.

Recently I started also experiencing grief as my grandmother passed on my birthday in 2020, my grandfather passed away a year later (both I was very close with) and my mother just passed in February due to covid.

I can barely bring myself to type this out as I am so numb. Words cannot explain the anguish and despair that life has brought me. I cannot feel my soul, I do not feel in control of my mind, and I do not feel in any way shape or form connected to my existence. Without sitting here and carrying on with adjectives to explain the despair I feel, one would just be able to draw up any idea of “hell” that u can assume and copy and paste that in the minds eye while reading it.

However, with all that being said the reason why I am here looking for advice is because I always felt that morhpic fields could help me but part of me feels as though they are contributing to my anguish at the rate of which I am using them / using the wrong fields / or not using them properly. I have been using morphic fields for at least 2 years now but have never once really benefited from what I thought could help me.

I have spent over 2,000 on Sapien Medicine fields and more from other creators. The amount of despair I feel also comes from seeing how morphic fields have saved so many peoples lives but in all this time of using them I have continued to lose mine. Yes, maybe part of the reason why I am experiencing bad things is because of not using them correctly, but I am hoping that someone can see where my missteps are and finally guide me in the right direction.

The psychical symptoms I experience from using these fields gets worse by the day I feel like. I wake up and immediately start playing fields to correct issues, all day, sitting in my room listening to these fields and they never seem to work. I always just end up feeling terrible. I have terrible energy balance in my body that never seems to get corrected, just always feels worse. I haven’t had a normal day of not listening to these fields in at least a year.

I almost cannot function at this point. I am experiencing terrible headaches, energy imbalances, complete destruction of my aura and energetic body, my nervous system has been completely ruined and I could go on and on about how terrible I feel.

I am typing this with pure emotion and am not really coherent about how I am coming off so if in any way or shape or form I sound ignorant or a little rude I apologize, but I am just begging that someone can guide me in the right direction at this point.

I can’t function, and feel as though I need a total complete reset of EVERYTHING. I try sometimes to give up the fields completely but the suffering I feel is terrible, but the suffering I feel from using the fields is terrible as well. I want them to help me. obviously that is the case or I wouldn’t have spent so much time and money on these fields over the years but why aren’t they?

Ive also tried using just the energy body repair field and nothing else but it doesn’t all the way help. Lately, I have been using fields to remove negative energy , demons, entities etc but they do not put a dent in anything. I have been using the curse spell removal, deinhabiter combo, bhooted boots for over a month now and still feel just as bad as when I started.

Do I have a nervous system imbalance? Is my energy body completely ruined? I need some guidance please.

ALSO, I would like to mention I checked myself into the hospital bc the psychical symptoms I was experiencing / anxiety was so bad that I thought I was having stroke like symptoms and they performed ct scans and did all the tests and I am perfectly healthy from a medical standpoint.

I would also like to mention I am very suicidal at this point, and have been heavily contemplating taking my own life. I have felt this way over the years and people have talked me out of it (mostly my mother) but at this point and the way I don’t see my life improving in any way shape or form it has been something that I can’t rn convince myself to not do at this rate.

All I want is to feel at least a little normal so that I can start making necessary changes in my life and actually heal. Wasting my life away sitting in my room all day listening to morphic fields has completely ruined my life and is not helping me at all.

I am asking if someone can please just tell me that I should stop listening to the fields, or give me like 1 or 2 max that I should listen to? Or tell me if I am able to heal at all? Is there any hope for me at this rate? Again, im sorry if I come off as ungrateful or rude I am respectful of Sapien Medicine’s works and what it has done for people but I am just crying for help that somehow someway it can finally work for me as opposed to making me worse.

Someone help please.

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#2

Welcome to the forum!

Let’s start here, as this is the most important question:

Yes! Absolutely!

And there are so many avenues and ways that your hope can be fulfilled for you. Of this, I am certain.

Next important question:

Absolutely, for this too. In fact, you already ARE healing. That’s what your body is right now doing for you.

Am I saying that you are right now pain-free and comfortable in your body? No, I don’t know that about you.

But I do know that your body is, right now, marshalling all its considerable resources, right now, to healing you, right now. You’re in the middle of your healing process.

Now, what happens with a lot of people is that they sort of demand “evidence” of their healing which is, right now, taking place. And when they do that, they get in the way of their own healing. These are the people whose demands are so–erm–“demanding” ( :wink: ) that they claw off the scabs of a wound to looking for the evidence of their healing that is taking place. And when they do that, now their body has to stop the helpful work it was doing to create a new scab to protect the healing work that is going on.

So (and I say this kindly) don’t be one of those people. Look for reasons and ways to talk you out of any such demands.

Now here’s where things get a little muddy:

That depends.

What’s your true opinion about fields? And what would you do to fulfill your hope instead?

For example, if you truly believe (as in this is, like, your current Truth–and that’s ok if it might be your current Truth) that using fields have truly made things worse, then it would be irresponsible of me to recommend that you do something which you truly believe will make your circumstances worse. You’re coming here to us wanting the very opposite of that.

If this is not your current Truth and you believe that fields can still help you (and this is my current Truth) then I would recommend that you continue to listen to fields.

I would also recommend that you start to prioritize all of what’s going on for you. IOW, cut your current situation into–say–topics, like you would cut the generous servings of delicious food that is on your dinner plate.

Even if your dinner plate held all of your favorite foods, cooked just the way you love, you already know that, if you were to try to cram all of that into your mouth at one time, you’d have a hard time of things and your meal would not be enjoyable at all. Instead, you’ve learned that if you cut a piece of that, out it in your mouth and chew it thoroughly and then cut a piece of this and so on, you’ll have a much more comfortable and enjoyable time of things.

So, I’m suggesting you do the same sort of process here with all that you’ve told us about. How you will cut, segregate and prioritize your topics will be individual for you. Me, I would take care of my mental attitude because, in my model of my world, I think that everything stems from my mental attitude. You, on the other hand, might want to start with a physical condition that seems to threaten you the most.

Given where I would start (according to my model of the world) I would recommend that you start with the Point of No Return (stack or field–they can be found using the forum search engine, which is that little magnifying glass icon in the upper right corner of every page of this forum),

Continue to heal!

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#3

First off, thank you for taking the time to help me here. Secondly, thank you for your advice and recommendations. I knew of the Point of no return stack and tried it but it never really did anything. Just purchased the point of no return audio and it did something for me that I have been searching for for 2 years. I actually feel safe in my existence and like something deep within me is being addressed and healed. It also kinda made me numb to all the psychical and psychic chaos im experiencing. I will keep on with this audio but I do have a few other questions…

I can certainly ask in the proper thread if u don’t have anymore advice but do u know how many times I should play it a day? I have a bad habit of looping fields and maybe im just making it up when I feel worse after looping but im also usually desperate to feel better as fast as I can. Do u think there is in fact harm in looping this field? It doesn’t say how many times? Should I just listen to my intuition? What would u recommend?

Also, is there any other similar fields like this that I should play alongside just to make me feel whole again and not so like I have been? I saw someone in the thread recommend the energy body clearing and also the aura repair field which I do own. Again, my goal is to be able to not have to spend so much time listening to these fields driving myself crazy sitting around all day but to be able to have something yes “magical” to help ALLLL the underlying conditions in a few audios at most. I want to be able to at least have enough capability within myself to take action in other words, exercise again, hangout with friends, do things for myself in the real world. To answer your question above I don’t necessarily have anything against fields at this point, its more so just about me wanting to experience growth in other ways like I once used to. Like in the real world doing things, which ive kept myself doing for so long. I hope that makes sense.

Thanks again for your help so much.

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#4

Of course! That’s what I’m here for.

So, you have your own answer to your “Should I continue to use fields?” question. Good for you.

Now, can you use your experience with your PoNR audio to start taking apart your “using the fields made me worse” story?

That’s an individual answer to that question. You can read the various reports of others’ experience in that field’s thread) but it always comes down to your own experience, because each of our energy systems can handle different amount of fields.

Because that field is longer than 10 minutes, you don’t need to loop it. (You might enjoy reading the FAQ for important guidelines about how to effectively use/listen to your fields.) Always start slow with fields but if you decided to play it twice in a row, 2 or 3 times each day, I wouldn’t quibble with that.

You’re not making it up. That’s why we have FAQs with guidelines. These fields can be taxing, which isn’t the help that most of us are looking for from our fields.

And you’re learning (good for you!) that this isn’t a helpful strategy for you, any more than taking 3x the prescribed dose of a medicine is helpful for you.

So now, you can use this piece of information to change your “fields made me worse” story to something more along the lines of “I’ve misused my fields in the past and now I’m understanding why I had gotten the results I had gotten from them,” which (to me) is a story which gives me more options and more reasons for more hope.

Depending the individual, there can be harm in looping any field, which is why I personally don’t recommend that. And it’s not necessary.

There’s also a popular misconception that one needs to “feel” a field as an indicator that it’s working. (These topics are discussed in the FAQ as well.)

Like Become Whole, which does what it says on the tin?

But here’s the thing (and this is not a criticism): in your OP, you were very clear on asking about 1 or 2 fields to be recommended to you and here and below, you’re working against the very intention/goal that you’re setting for yourself. That tendency is going to give you results that you don’t want, so you’re going to want to be mindful of how and where you’re doing this unhelpful tendency of yours.

Then you might find it helpful to recognize that it’s your tactics (even in this last post of yours) which are pushing you to do something other than this goal you’re telling us. And that’s great news because you have your hands on all those knobs, so you can adjust what you’re demanding of yourself and how you are lining up with the goals you are setting for yourself.

A question you might want to ask yourself is “What’s the problem for you to listen to these fields if they are helpful to you?”

If this is what you’re wanting, then go do real world things. There’s no reason why you can’t listen to your fields and be in the real world doing things. There are a variety of ways you can accomplish that for yourself. Here’s another place where you have your hands on all these knobs as well.

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#5

Hello,

I want to tell you that I teared up reading your post. Know that you are not alone and even in the most unbearable situations (where it seems there is no hope left) there is a light.

The strength lives in all of us and yes, to answer your questions, it’s not too late for you. Don’t give up.
There is always hope as long as there is Life.

Two áudios that I think you can focus on for some time are: Sword of st Michael and Excalibur, on Dreamseeds.

You did a great step by joining the forum.

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#6

I don’t disagree with your logic in everything you say, but from one mind to another it’s not so cut and dry. Like the idea of “just going out and doing real world things” has not been so easy for me. The idea of that is what i want to accomplish is one thing, but leaving the house to experience on going anxiety attacks, psychic invasions, etc one loses faith in those things and avoids them. Obviously, then the idea of mind over matter comes into play and yes that is a valid argument but my stance has been i’ve been waiting for these fields to eliminate a lot of the things that prevent me from doing real world things which i was hoping would then alleviate a lot of the anguish that comes from me muscling my way through life. Which is a very unpleasant experience for me.

Also, when I say things like “i want to feel whole again” and you recommend the become whole field that is again in theory what I would be getting at but I guess i need to be more specific in terms of what im looking for bc I have read a lot of fields descriptions and thought it aligned with what i needed but it turned out not to be the case.

In terms of something that could make me whole the way im thinking about it right now would just be to eliminate this specific issue that im facing right now which i guess i shouldve addressed earlier. I mostly cant function bc of what i really dont know how to explain the resaosn for it but it is manifesting as this blocked energy in my head. I have been experiencing what i think is the worst psychic attacks for months now but it also could just be blocked energy from all the emotions im experiencing that are trapped.

It feels like there is trapped energy or an entity or something in the right side of my brain and i am super inbalanced and it impossible to concentrate or do anytihng. it doesnt feel like energy is crossing over correctly, hence why i experience what i thought was stroke symptoms and also the most inexplainable worst headaches you can imagine. when i say i want to be whole i mean that i just want to feel my entire being as balanced and eliminate what is going on right now. i have tried negative energy removal fields mentioned above, but also energy blockage, mana circuits, acu automation, schuman resonance, and a bunch of others.

the point of no return field i can already tell is helping with like the anguish of all my mental problems but when i say is there another field that can go with this i guess im meaning is there one that can help with this psychial manifestaiton of the problems im experiencing that can help. that will give me more confidence in myself to be able to function. i cant explain it too greatly in detail through messages but the psyichal manifestation of what im experiencing is so dreadful.

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#7

Thank you… i will look into this. I have been looking at posts and been on the forum for a while but just made an account because i need some reassurance from others that I will make it through this.

I am very alone in my sufferings right now and being quiet and to myself about all the dread i’m experiencing hasn’t done anything but make it worse. I know i may sound crazy to some but I just need to get my feelings and thoughts out somewhere, keeping them inside isn’t doing me any good.

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#8

Don’t worry too much about that. To each, his own path. So others can think what they want. You are helping yourself now and that’s all that matters

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#9

Giving you a long hard hug first of all

Your current state seems to be “i want the fields to help me” and you require a subtle shift in mindset from this mentioned state to a state that fields actually benefit you, not you wanting them to help you

:pray::pray:

Btw why are you doing this?

Vibration of transcendence

You probably heard this a bunch of times from people around you or on the internet, but i sense you’re about to reach a certain threshold wherein you simply say stop in your own mind and from there make a decisive choice to be the best you can be.

I don’t know how else to describe it but the beauty in this world is way more beautiful than all the darkest darkness added together. Hence the incentive to get to a nice mental state is absolutely massive.

You aren’t normal. You are beyond special and so special you wouldn’t even dream of how special you are

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#10

hey, thank you for your kind words. I dont really do anything other than listen to the fields at home bc i work from home and for a multdude of reasons i am scared of leaving my house. i have trained myself to rely on these fields rather than real world practices and actually doing things that make me feel alive which is alot of why i created this post to find ways to heal that to be able to get out of this rut. also , i wish i knew how to reply to specific parts of the post like all you folks :frowning: how do you do that?

i do have the vibration series and tried it a long time ago. i just purhcased the point of no return field and tried it today and it actually helped a lot. i was going to stick with that one for a while, do you think i should add the one u mentioned as well?

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#11

Just select the text, if you are on phone or laptop, and a little bubble should pop up, “quote”. Click the quote bubble and it will be placed into your reply

Oh ok in that case stick to the point of no return, and from time to time add the vibration, as you feel.

Also do you have shamanic medicine blend?

Oh and btw have you tried to take a break from fields for like 3-7 days?

#12

I have the shamanic medicine blend and have used it from time to time, it seems to work a little bit sometimes. it is kind of hit or miss.

and also, i havent taken that long of a break from these fields since i started but when i dont listen to them the anguish gets worse. ive always thought i needed a break and just to man through the symptoms of not listening but i never tried

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#13

I don’t know why but one field comes to my mind for you … pure magnetic heart coherence. Probably it’s due to the very soothing and calming nature of this field. I don’t want to overload you but if you have this field try if it works for you in some way. It is for emotional as well as physical well being and love energy can heal away all negative things around you as well.

Hang on there … you will be better sooner than you think … praying for you :pray:t2:

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#14

Stick with only the Point of No Return 2-3x per day for a few weeks. It seems to me your overloading yourself. Add other self care habits such as meditation, some light yoga, walks out in nature. Cut off other media, anime, TV shows etc. Stop watching porn if that’s a thing you do (no judgement). You’re a recent college athlete…get back to the gym. Start a gratitude journal, just quickly list five things each day you are grateful for. Write them. Clean up your diet, if that’s an issue. Eat mindfully, give silent thanks for the food on your plate before you take your first bite and chew thoroughly. Stop video games till you detox. Go into monk mode for a bit.

If you have a Venly.market account I will give you the Declaration NFT, with nothing asked in return except you earnestly try the above and report back. DM me with your Venly email address.

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#15

The Vibration series is pretty awesome too but seriously one thing at a time.

As I was reading your story I can’t help but think that a few years from now you will look back at this as a fresh start for yourself.

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#16

Don’t stop watching anime :slight_smile:
Never stop watching anime :smiley:

#17

leaving the house to experience on going anxiety attacks, psychic invasions, etc one loses faith in those things and avoids them.

Have you tried doing it step by step? Imho even with the best fields you’re not going to get better if your lifestyle is harming you (unwanted isolation, lack of exercise, lack of social contact and lack of meaningful activities ARE harmful to you) - it’s like taking painkillers while you keep hitting yourself with a bat, they’re not going to work, you need to stop hitting yourself.

Try this: get just outside of the house. Let’s say just outside of the door. Stay there for a bit, do whatever. Play fields for anxiety, courage or negative entities if you need to. The next day, go a bit further, maybe just the other side of the street. Then further, take a walk just around the house. Then further again, maybe there’s a shop or something similar nearby where you can hang out for a bit. If any action seems too big, just make it smaller until it’s feasible, but do take action.

#18

This member has not posted in a year. Closing this thread.

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#19