I came to a realisation a few days ago that a source of my lack of confidence comes from my view of my own mother.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love my mum, and she is an incredible person, someone who I can always rely on, but within that I think therein lies the problem.
My life see saws through periods of confidence and a lack thereof. Professionally, I can be quite confident, easily working within University and leading a seminar class. Socially, however, and emotionally I can sometimes lack a lot of self confidence.
A realisation came to me the other day was that periods of the lack of confidence coincided with me being around family, especially my mum. I could comfortably flirt with girls when I feel at my peak confidence, but if a girl smiled at me when I was around family, I would be reluctant to follow it up.
Now I know about the Jungian devouring mother, and came see aspects of this in my own relationship with my mum. My father really lacked confidence and willpower to achieve anything, and my mum had to step up to the plate to take the slack. A lot of my drive to succeed comes from her. But within that I think my own masculinity took a hit.
In short I’m looking at fields which might rectify this.
Now I know everyones going to suggest the manly man to me, but currently funds are not quite ready for the hit that would take to my balance.
I’m also thinking maybe the archetype of parental love but I’m not sure that’s a problem. I never lacked love from my parents, but rather I think a bit too much.
Does anyone have any suggestions that might tackle the root of this?
I’m currently listening to a self love stack (Exorcism>Alchemical revision of innocence>subconscious limits dissolver>attract more love into your life>attract your soul tribe>inner self support>resilience>the power of support>unstoppable will>flight to fight> childlike wonder), which might probably deal with this, but I’m not sure if there could be something more direct.
Thanks for anyones suggestions!