I'm feeling really depressed and have no will to live

General Discussion
#1

I’ve mentioned to a couple of people in here how my testicles have been severely atrophied and lost like 90% of their size.

My testosterone is low even for a very old man. I’m 39 btw. And my health in this regard used to be excellent just a couple years ago.

My hair has all turned dry and ugly and is falling all over my body. My muscles and bones hurt. I can’t sleep. The world looks gray and ugly. I’m severely depressed. I can’t relate to women or men. Relationships are very weird and uncomfortable. I don’t have confidence. I eat a lot and I’m growing boobs. All these are low testosterone symptoms.

All this happens just when i feel I’m finally leaving 12 years of horrible fibromyalgia behind. That has drained my person and money.

Its 3 30 am here and I can’t sleep. I want to sleep.

It’s only sapiens and Maitreyas testosterone and aromatase inhibitor fields what give me a semblance of normality. But if I stop them testosterone gets so low I feel I’m passing out and can’t breathe properly. Also my brain stops working and I’m not a functional individual.

But they don’t always work. Or work the same.

I’m listening to them right now. And they don’t get me to sleep. They don’t seem to be working. Sometimes they do help me sleep but not always. I want to sleep!

I keep trying to heal but don’t see improvement in my testicle size or symptoms. Except for the temporary ones.

I’ll be adding fields @IAmJonathan who has truly been a saint to me, recommended me as soon as I have some money. But I’m not sure they’ll provide what I need due to how the body interprets my condition and how it seems unequipped to regenerate testicles for what I’ve studied about human anatomy. In short, the only big growth of testicles in life is after puberty. Then if you damage them there might be some regeneration but very limited. As things are my testicles need to grow more than what they grew during puberty to go back to normal. They are like peanuts and smaller than when i was a kid.

I’ve been using subliminals and fields for like 2 months now and when it comes to subs I’ve gotten results on penis enlargement or scrotum skin texture very easily. ( Subs to enlarge testicles go with these other benefits usually lol). But zero increase in testicle size.

Ill be offered TRT soon as an only option I guess as HCG seems to not help.

But I’ll REFUSE IT as long as I can. I don’t want to be dependant on some artificial solution that won’t solve the problem.

I hate normal medicine.

I think I can heal.

But right now I feel so hopeless and I wish I was dead. I just want to stop living. Make this ducking nightmare end please.

I just needed to say this. there’s no one to talk. I have very few friends after 12 years of horrible chronic illness and I somehow don’t feel comfortable sharing this with them tbh.

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#2

Focus on yourself while listening to it. It feels really nice and maybe it even helps your conditions a bit.

Did you try the autoimmun field? Don’t know maybe the body attacks itself?

The techniques from robert bruce could maybe help too.
The New energy ways is a good pdf. You could try to work on your energy system yourself.

Don’t know much about the conditions or how to truly give good advice but wish you the best and a hopefully speedy recovery.

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#3

Just a thought…
There is nothing wrong with replacement therapy - you would not be abusing it, it’s literally to bring back your hormones to healthy levels.
You can take it for an intermittent time while also listening to and working on healing yourself.

Modern medicine and other approaches don’t have to be exclusive. You can also just try for a month or two and still stop after if you don’t like it.

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#4

For physical problems this is good field.

Do you have any food sensitivitys/intolerances?

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#5

Cool to see you still around :D.

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#6

What happened before you developed the fibromyalgia symptoms?

What did you do to overcome those symptoms? Did you take special medication which could be a reason for your new problems?

Energetically, depression and lack of will to live hint to an underactive and energetically depleted root chakra (base chakra). It might be a good idea to strenghten that chakra by some sort of energy work, e.g. morphic fields.
The sacral chakra controls your sexual organs (also testicles) . I guess that atrohpy could be the result of lack of energy in that energy center.
There are morphic fields and energetic files from different creators for both chakras. Since we are in sapiens forum I will just mention " Sacral and Base Chakra Clearing, Growth and Stimulation" from Sapiens Gumroad. One file for both chakras and it is not expensive.

In another tread you talk about “near psychosis” after listening to “attract beautiful women” file from another creator. Maybe it would be a good idea to make health your No1 priority at the moment. I understand that you want to get some life back after these 12 years. And I know the temptation to try a lot of different fields at the same time and have done that myself. But as you just saw there might be side effects and healing might not be as fast and effective if you try a lot of different topics.

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#7

I’m sure I’ll like it as it will bring my testosterone back toa healthy level.

I’m not concerned about abusing it. But I’m concerned about the artificiality, dependence, injecting yourself artificial T every day or week or something, buying from pharmaceutical companies, draining your resources… all of that i strongly strongly reject.

also i’m concerned aobut it finally destroying what’s left of my testicles as it will finish deactivating them. unless i also use hcg but still possible.

i’ll still see the dr soon to see what he tells me. thank you.

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#8

You mentioned you used to have a normal test level a couple of years ago; beside the disease, what lifestyle changes did you make during this period of time? Do you think the low test is a symptom of the fibromyalgia or are the two disconnected?
I would start from here. Do you exercise regularly? What’s your diet like? How much water do you drink? Did you do some blood test to see if you have any major deficiency?
I would also not discard the TRT option. There is nothing wrong in that, and if you read some testimonials online you’ll see how many lives it changed for the better

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#9

Loss of identity is definitely traumatic, but first you need to address your immediate problems, that are giving you pain and stop you from sleeping. Lack of sleep is enough to invite lots of problems, one system after another breaks down.

Whatever necessary, focus on getting over this pain of bones and muscles and once you are in good health, you can focus on testicles, by then Captain may have figured out something to improve his game further.

I know it is not easy but you can’t possibly heal a body which suffered for 12 yrs in very short time. Keep everyone posted.

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#10

I think your first priority should be getting back your sleep, because it’s literally the most important thing for a human being. Sleep deprivation can lead to a unimaginable cascade of negative health problems. Try sleeping pills, melatonin, sapiens audio like deep sleeper, smoke some weed or take cbd oil if you have to, but this should be one of your first concerns

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#11

Also don’t focus too much on fields for now. Select a few that address your immediate health problems and add some some unconditional love in the equation. If your health isn’t optimal, your energy system isn’t either; focusing on too many things could potentially exacerbate your mental fatigue even more

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#12

thank you for your well intentioned post. I used the heal others field and actually focused on others and i think that helps yourself too.

i’m checking robert’s bruce pdf. thank you for the tip.

Don’t think it’s autoimmune. But maybe I can test it. I’ll tell the dr.

I’ve been exposed to toxins a lot. Phtalates probably and they have messed with my health. As i suspended contact with them my testicles recovered a little bit. They had absorbed into the body. Now they hang low almost the whole day actually, even if very small.

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#13

thank you. i’ve used it a couple of times and want to use it more but there’s so many fields. I’m listening to 7 and it already leaves me very tired

. though don’t know if that field can address my issue. i’m not sure any currently existing field can.

i’m sure many can repair the scars in the testicles, and allow them to work with healthy cells properly as they are. but to grow in size to multiply their production by 5x to 10x… that’s what i don’t know.

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#14

ty.

Before I developed fibromyalgia I had column wound and developed severe depression. that seems to have triggered it. i’m near health in that aspect after 12 years. the root of my problem is in my opinion, my teeth and root canals.

yes, i do think i have a weak root chakra, and would like to strenghten it. sometimes it’s about the time and concentration practices demand. but yes, it’s something that i think should do.

the testicle mutilation i’m pretty sure comes from toxins i had been in contact with these last 2 years.

yeah, i was just trying things out. my priority is my health. it always is. but yeah, it really picks my curiosity to try those attract women subliminals and fields and see if they work and how it feels lol.

but yeah, i was just playing around. i have no libido. and can’t relate to women. it’s hard to explain, but at best i see them as an old man, like a grand father. and if not, i just feel weird around them. and people in general. so i can’t really take advantage of those fields if i used them.

thank you for your kind comment. all insights welcome.

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#15

i’m pretty sure it comes from chewing heavily scented toilet paper. that’s the most likely culprit.

i’ve done it for years.

but two years ago my mother changed it to a super crappy toilet papaer that stinks. that’s what chagned around that time. i read that this usually indicated phtalates, which destroy the testicles and thryoid and mimic estrogen.

oh and and my water source got blackmold.

so those two together or alone are the most likely culprits.

i already didnt’ exercise, nor ate well. it’s very hard with fibromyalgia. and to exercise was impossible. and i finally feel more capable of taking care of that… just 3 months ago i’ve felt good enough to exercise again and eat better. and i’m actually doing it, so much more than in years. also, i might have deficiencies… but not enough to make my testicles vanish…

two years ago i woek up with erections so hard it was painful. i was super horny all the time. i have been like that my entire life. then all that slowly began disspaearing. i was even thankful in the beginning. but i didn’t notice something was really wrong until like 4 months ago in which i touched my testicles and noticed they had basically dissapeared. then saw the dr and had a t test and i had 268.- today 147…

i was finally getting healthy… and then this happens.

i feel so cursed

so frustrated

so destroyed.

thank you so much for your kind words and advice.

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#16

thank you. i so agree about sleeping… i just wish i could sleep… sleep and sleep…

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#17

yeah, i’m just selecting what i need for my health. it’s always my number 1 priority. tyank you so much for your kind words.

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#18

You obviously have to stop doing this and start drinking bottled water; I also recommend listening to DNA repair field and Plasma light and infrasound beach to reverse the damage you might have caused

If you defeated the disease and no longer feel the pain, I recommend you start gradually introducing some long walks and light physical exercise, maybe even in the gym. This would help balance your test levels and your mental health. Also, if you have the money, start a diet that includes nutrient dense foods, vegetables, fruit, dark chocolate and lots of (bottled) water.
Also, if you watch porn, stop doing that: it only makes your depression worse.

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#19

I don’t know anything about this condition fibromyalgia but pain at the end of the day is in the mind. May be you can use pain control field along with a stack to improve your nervous system, brain, spinal cord everything but take it slow, don’t overwhelm the body.

If you can afford and manage find a good yoga therapist who can help you with your case.

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https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7014847/

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https://patient.practicalpainmanagement.com/conditions/fibromyalgia/yoga-fibromyalgia-treatment

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#20

Is this some translation mistake? Did you really take scented toilet paper into your mouth and used your teeth to make small pieces (chew)?

But I understand that even normal use of scented paper may be bad. I know that the scents of scented candles are said to be very bad for health.

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