So itâs been about a few days since I began listening to a variation of @JAAJâs paid PONR stack. I donât have all the paid audios included, but incorporated the ones I do have.
The first couple of days had some euphoric effects; I found myself opening up more emotionally, being more honest with others without being harsh.
There were times where my heart storage center was in a bit of pain while listening (could be unhealthy cords being cut?), but eventually the discomfort went away.
But today before I started the playlist, I began to feelâŚhow do I describe it? âContentâ? Like, emotionally I was a blank slate.
When I thought about subjects that usually mattered to me (or my ego) - things aligned with the material world, I just felt this⌠ânothingnessâ? Like these things didnât have any bearing on my life or something.
âIs my ego dying?â I thought.
I had a friend ask me what my plan was today - what tangible moves I was going to make now that I was undergoing my transformation, andâŚI had nothing for them. In their opinion anyway.
I told them happiness was my goal, that it had always been my goal (emotional fulfillment), I just didnât know how to get there. And I was told that I may be too focused on the immaterial; Iâd been on this journey of healing my inner child for so long that I thought my friend may have a point.
That I need to meditate through action, and not just through stillness. Balance.
But them trying to push me into my masculine energy today made me feelâŚbummed? And Iâm not sure why.
Yeah, I was a bit caught off guard that I didnât feel motivated to do anything âmasculineâ today, but yeah that âmotivationalâ talk only managed to make me feel worse - like the work I was doing wasnât enough.
Still going to listen to see where this stack takes me. Maybe things will balance out, or I could cultivate a stack for my masculine energy to help me do so.