This is going to get a little personal. Content/trigger warning for adult matters and MeToo kind of topics.
So in the past I’ve been unlucky to get unwanted advances from people.
It really shook me up, and I knew it might be affecting my relationships, but I hadn’t realized the extent.
I tried the PTSD field mostly for the SGB aspect. Not very often, maybe once or twice month, for some tension migraines. But under the surface apparently it was also addressing those things I’d pushed away.
The difference that I notice lately is that I have been more likely to initiate intimacy with my partner, whereas before I was touch averse. It’s not as bad now, but I remember at the early years having to control the urge to smack their hand away, or wipe away kisses, because I knew it would be offensive to them if I did that in front of them. Then during acts of, ehem, connection, I wasn’t really there sometimes. Kind of a “close your eyes and think of your duty” moment lol. I had to control feelings of repulsion or discomfort, especially towards touch on certain parts of my body which had been objectified all my life, since puberty. I honestly had a phase there I thought I had turned asexual.
I thought it was just “part of my personality”. Turns out I have the potential to be more loving and open and affectionate than I realized. Just that those crummy things that happened in the past still had those effects.
So now I’m just working through it, and giving it time. I use and love Outlook Retrainer too. Best combo. I think it’s really shifting things. It’s like mentally I had my arms crossed over to protect myself, (probably causing all that tension) and now I’m learning how to relax and not be so constantly wary. I’ll probably try to get New Perspectives when I have the means someday. But for now these two in a stack are working so great. Thank you for this healing!