Opinion is Shiva is the only God I ever resonated with or felt was real. Opinion.
Now, it seems I was wrong.
Another opinion is I resonate with Saraswati. TM mantras are Saraswati mantras…I like the mantras I’m supposed to do when I’m older, not now, but whatever…they were a sect anyway xD
Another opinion is if Kali doesn’t kick your ass, then you can get into anything you want. You started the house by the roof so xD
And another opinion is Yoga Sutras of Pantajali and even Hatha Yoga Pradipika are good. Sri Aurobindo writings too. Those are my references but I have a list somwhere, of high consciousness books written by gurus.
The Cloud of Unknowing is one such book…but coming from a medieval christian mystic. But cool stuff…and easy to remember vs the sanskrit or hindi name of the other books xD
Also as a kid I read everything I could on yoga. Now I forgot cause of bad memory and stuff. Hinduism is massive, hard to understand. You’re gonna have to take the jump.
I get you though. Many people actually feel the same. You can see it in any ashram. People know they followed instructions and were initiated and they are in more control of their life and themselves…but not quite understanding why yet.
The dissonance will stay there until you become the gruruji yknow.
Nope…couldn’t commit to anything right now. Besides I’m using fields…it is already a lot as it is…don’t wanna mix more.
I have this conflict of rejecting deities and disliking them (for about a year) then I feel like they are welcoming again and I get interested in them (for about another year). And so goes my life.
Last time I was in bad suffering…I don’t think I felt any comfort coming from the gods and I relied on them cause I had nothing else then.
The problem is you can’t rely in your own consciousness or awareness when you’re messed…you’re stuck with your mind. So you need an external power. So being in good terms with deities is always good.
I think fields work every time, Dream did some alchemy or magick. So even if deities are testing you, at least we can alway use the yagnas and homans, etc.