Hey man, thanks for opening up.
You said in the past you have adhd right?
If so, this goes with the emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitivity dysphoria, and is perfectly normal.
You rock for sharing your experience with us and asking for assistance, this is ain’t easy to explain this to people.
You just have different brain connections that made your traumatized as a kid, with most likely a higher capacity to love, but also a higher capacity to be hurt from this, hence your system adapting & shutting down.
My experience so far, with the exact same experience is that fields are only a crutch for this, this is experiences in the physical that will rewire your brain & guts.
What’s commonly working and working for me is part work and CBT.
You welcome those parts that can’t “xyz” and take care of them as if they were your kid (giving them love, answering to their needs, etc.).
You go through one experience at a time, with patience and compassion for yourself.
Sometimes your system will freeze for whatever reason, anxiety will come up, etc.
But most of the time you’ll be positively surprised how the system/universe make sure to bring you the right experiences for this :)
You’ll often notice that the people you struggle the most with (my mom in my case) are often struggling with their own emotion as well.
Gotta go easy so you don’t overwhelm them, but also take opportunity to grow through it
All part of the process and this is quite a delight once you integrate those traumatized parts
Would really recommend the PTSD field every two day, along with the Outlook Retrainer, this makes the process much easier.
Feel free to DM me any time if needed
You’ve got this