I needed to read this today!
Thank you!!
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Hello everyone,
Recently I have felt myself changing into a more and more zen, relaxed, feeling detached and stress free state. I donāt do meditation but I have been trying my best and whenever I do it the voice in my head is the least thing to worry about. I have felt more connected to my soul and have constantly felt explosions of happiness with no reason. I can sit down with my family laugh and smile but the moment Iām away from them my emotions change dramatically. I am often in a state where I feel nothing as in no sadness no happiness no anger and stuff. The only thing I do is listen to the Sapien Fields and Maitreya Fields. So I donāt really know if all this change Iām feeling is good or not. I almost feel like I have become a hermit. But deep within I feel peace, immense peace.
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So I had gotten a letter from one of my Vietnamese liāl bros named Thomas(nickname āāTāā) the other day. Heās doing 40 for a murder. I really miss him, and need to get this off of my chest. The other night, as I was reading his letter, and reminicsing about all the fun we had, all the times weād shot the shit, all the times weād gotten high, all the times weād ate, all the times weād had great laughs, all the trouble weād gotten into, and then, I came across a memory that really hurt to think about. He used to make jokes of how I was āoldā, and I would get angry sometimes, because of my ego. It would make me think of all the time Iād lost, to the system. On one particular time, Iād gotten so mad, that I told him, āHaha, itās gonā be alright bro. Youād barely started your 40 too, and I am almost out the door with my 15, so you bouta have a good taste and know what it feels like. Youāre bouta lose all your 20ās and then some, just like I didā¦ā Thinking about that shit really hurts, because looking back in restrospect, he was just playing with me and joking like a little brother would with his big brother. Haha, really hurt me to think about that. Need to work on my shadow aspect more. Now I realize just how much those words probably had hurt him. And furthermore, it breaks my heart to know that we have a loooong time until we actually will have a chance to kick it again in person. I wish I could take those words back manā¦ but I canāt. Iād put him on this website that I was on while I was in prison called, āWriteAprisoner.comā, and he was so happy about that, and telling me about how this girl had written him off of there, and how that girl had written him. The smallest things mean so much to one, when you almost have nothing. A ramen noodle soap, a new show, a special holiday pie, some new snack, a magazine, a letter or communication with the opposite sex, and etc. So it really warmed my heart how happy he was, being on that site. I pray for him and his family every morning. The little things matter. They always do.
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What you wrote there made my eyes water I really felt the pain and the joy. Thank you for expressing yourself in the way you do it is honestly a gift keep it going brother. At the same time you are expanding, youāre positively impacting all the people you interact with. May blessings abundantly flow through you always 
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Thanks for your kind words bro. It really made me feel better. I was crying alot earlier, so I just tried to laugh it off. @Maoshan_Wanderer told me to avoid funeral songs, but sometimes I cannot take them off of replay, and they are addicting. I just get in this mood sometimes, where I just listen to funeral songs after funeral songsā¦Looking at old pictures and missing the good olā times. Just remembering all the ones who are still locked up, all the ones who had gotten killed or diedā¦And I just miss them. Just wonder and imagine what theyād be like now. Lol. I donāt know why, I have always loved funeral songs since I was a little kid. I never ever want to forget my loved ones, just because they are not with me anymore physically. I will always keep them in my memories, and my heart. Thanks for the blessings bro, and I wish you and yours the very same. You deserve it.
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one way i found to help a fear that has never come to reality is to read about it.
for example, iāve never been cheated on, but it still scares me and definitely affects my current and future relationships.
i felt like it was time for me to truly get more information on the subject instead of replaying horrible what-if scenarios that would break my heart and my trust.
i definitely feel a lot better and i feel like reading about these subjects that i fear has helped me grow as an individual.
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Last 3 videos from captain Nemo are everything one like me need ā¦
parental love
Deep sleeper
Hydrogen Accumulation
I am too awake person in not satisfying reality ā¦
I was happy person but with issues but I lost my happiness and still have my problemsā¦ now I found solutionsā¦ and hopefully I will live in peace and harmony againā¦ if love and money and satisfaction want me I welcome them 
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With some quotes from a series called American Gods:
āIām all sorts, Shadow. The screen is the altar. Iām the one they sacrifice to. Then till now. Golden Age to Golden Age. They sit side by side, ignore each other, and give it up to me. Now they hold a smaller screen on their lap or in the palm of their hand so they donāt get bored watching the big one. Time and attention, better than lambās blood.ā
When youāre constantly in front of the TV or PC or console, thereās no reason for you to develop in a way that connects with the world around you. Everything is on a screen, and only your mind matters. Only following the patterns.
āRugged individualism. It simply doesnāt work anymore. Brands. Sure. A useful heuristic. But ultimately, everything is all systems interlaced, a single product manufactured by a single company for a single global market. Spicy, medium, or chunky. They get a choice, of course. Of course! But they are buying salsa.ā
What do you worship?
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May I ask how long you traveled with your van and which places you have visited?
I want to do the same thing in the future 
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It feels good doesnāt it? Specially when itās just you and your thoughts. Itās like itās a moment to recharge from the hassles of the day. Long walks, long drives and evening jogs (rare now) while listening to an audiobook is a wonderful respite.
Congrats on the move, I bet thatās exciting, looks like the year is already shaping up to be awesome 
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I have alrdy a great name: Petty the Racecar
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Soooā¦ I have removed and deleted any and every social media account, every video game, and am about to start focussing on meditating and spiritual work 24/7.
Not going to lie, the little urges to crawl back are definitely there, even though I dislike any form of social media, itās wild.
Hereās to growth.
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Know what. Might as well double down and quit smoking and caffeine intake while Iām at it. No more alcohol either.
Letās go.
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Use dopamine redux. And if youāre willing to try, thereās a dopamine receptor repair from Maitreya
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Im lazy.
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I have become full patrone.
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Of what?
Death.
Kiddinā. Patreon.
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Not really reflectionā¦ well, it could be perceived as quantum reflection, but a funny story.
I was drinking from a cup while cloaked in a black blanket with an orange/red inside, wearing a moldavite thatās shaped like a triangle, right after a biotex bath for my injured right foot. Doing some spirit work when I drew a tarot card:
It was Temperance.
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Iām developing a bit of a superiority complex because of the fact that things are just a little better in my life now. Everyone on this forum, please humble me whenever possible if you see me acting arrogantly. Iād like to think that most of the time, Iām aware of it but sometimes it slips under my radar.
I look back to the time when I first came here (the Entity/Deity thread contains some of my first posts). Back then I was humble because I had to be. I was completely clueless. Now that I have a bit more knowledge, I want to remain humble of my own free will.
Gotta remain humble.
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