Playing fields was quite the trip, mid mushroom ketamine peak.
Time to order myself a kit and start growing my own.
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recently i held space for a friend who felt lonely and low on self-esteem which to me was out of their character.
while we talked i was reminded of two friends i let go because they acted the same way towards me. back then i thought that it wasnāt my job as it led to them feeling romantically inclined which i didnāt want.
this time i felt like i needed to stop the loop and be there for my friend as much as a friend can.
iām not sure if my interactions made them feel better but they felt better to me when we all hung out in our friend group.
the next day i felt what they described feeling like it was passed on to me.
initially i felt like i took on their emotions as my own to heal.
these sorrowful feelings felt so close to me and reminds me of my highschool years.
a part of me likes it because itās a temporary feeling and makes my overall emotional experience fuller. another part of me hates it because it would rather feel happier emotions and empowering thoughts.
iām not sure what i hope to accomplish with this post, but i already feel better just writing this. i hope this helps anyone going through something similar.
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I had went to church today, with my family. And like, I can always feel when someoneās eyes are on me. I do this all the time, it could be a female or a dude. When I feel it, 9 times out of 10, I look up, and there are a pair of eyes staring at me. Well, today I felt some eyes on me, about 16 minutes into the church. I looked up, and there was this one guy staring at me. So I usually look away the first time, and look back at them, to check if my mind was playing tricks on me or not. Well, Iād seen him staring at me again. So I was kinda mad, like āWtf you staring at?ā Nodding my head up. And he finally looked away. But after church was over with, Iād seen him walking around the church, with what appeared to be his grandparents. And I could tell he had mental problems, by the way he was walking. God, I felt so horrible. I even shed a couple of tears. When I was locked up, when I would see someone staring at me too long (a male, that is.), I wanted to do some punching. Or wanted to see if there was animosity on that boyās chest, so we can clear it. But here I was, ācheckingā some person that had mental problems.(I couldnāt tell, because he didnāt have Down syndrome, and face looked normal.) I remember I was telling him silently in my mind, that I am so sorry. And I kept telling God, how sorry I was, and to bless him. I felt so hurt. Like I fucked up so bad. With tears rolling down my face. Stupid fucking ego. Itās the second time in this past week, that itās made me feel like shit.
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The thing is, youāve "connected the dotsā. As time goes on, u will start ācatching onā or ācatching yourselfā SOONER, rather than later. The big trouble is, is when people are on āauto pilotā and dont even see or care or even WANT TO see or care. Forgive yourself, and dont beat yourself up about it. We all make mistakes and errors in judgement and discernment.
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I played Skyrim for 19 hours 49 minutes and 29 seconds straight yesterday.
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At that point you could have pushed a bit and have a nice round number
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I really didnāt know until I logged out of my character and saw the timeā¦
Not sure if ashamed or justified by lack of entertainment lol.
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Earlier today it hit me that this is the healthiest and strongest (physically, mentally and spiritually) I have ever been in my adult life. I am also in a good space, I am feeling really good about myself, my life and my future. I was feeling SO good and I had this knowing that all the stuff I worried about so much and my plans will all work out to my benefit.
Then I stopped what I was doing to reflect and bask in all this goodness.
I remember the times I used to hope against hopeā¦
When I came to the forum, I noted that the new audio The essence of faith and Prayer was uploaded. I will take this as a confirmation and affirmation of what I was feeling earlier in the day!
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and Iā
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
- Robert Frost
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donāt worry about it!
you had fun, and thatās great! youāre still responsible and get things done. 
sorry if you werenāt looking for encouragement, but iām also talking a bit to myself when it comes to gaming.
i find so much joy when i realize iāve forgotten the world iām in and iām part of the game! iāve been too stressed about āresponsibilitiesā that iāve already taken care of to be fully immersed and enjoy myself and my time.
growing up, people i donāt know made me feel bad about my gaming hobby even though i was succeeding in all other aspects of my life. so i like to remind myself and others that itās okay to enjoy what you enjoy!
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Back story, some of you know Iāve being trying to contact my past and future self for years. Share my knowledge with my younger self and receiving it from my older self.
Basically Iāve been praying to myself since I was a child.
Sometime when Iām stuck with a problem I receive energy and information and it feels like itās coming from me, someone who shares my goal. Sometime I start writing or searching stuff on the internet, I donāt know why I did it, but I found something important thatās opening new doors.
I even got a cool vision with my eyes wide open explaining things. Like somebody airdrop a 2 minute gif in my mind in HD and every frame holds a concept. I canāt even put words on it.
Now, Iāve received some instructions on how to better connect with myself. And when I meditated there was a network of Philips linked in a nexus with blue energy flowing like electricity or neurons. I had a concept and I used it to make a blue marker and I put it on my forehead and I joined the network.
Itās like the confederation of Philips, Philip-s incorporated, syndicated.
Itās clear to me, but since no one talked about something similar, feels weird talking about it.
I remember someone on the forum told me last year to keep trying. I did.
I can clearly see and feel younger me-s, I know somethings about older me. The others are more mysterious the further away they get.
itās like Iām ready now, or enough Philips have joined and itās gaining momentum. I feel like younger versions of me are getting into it too. And I can call some of them easily now.
Edit: with the concepts I have received. I think there was some backstory, like some more spiritual/detached Philips have been communicating casually and they decided to include more lower level. Like each one teach one.
There are clear windows of communication. Point in times where I can send stuff.
I tried to send, some grown up knowledge, finance and subconscious concepts to my younger self.
After that I didnāt know what to send, so I thought Iād send some concepts about women, I figured heād have fun. And I got stopped by wiser versions, like āCāmon. Be serious, youāre gonna pervert the child, some knowledge is bad for his developmentā. I should be responsible.
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Amazing!!
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Honestly, getting stressed out about what I am supposed to do with my life.
Then I remembered that the āreal meā is just observing and probably doesnāt give any hoots about whatever decision I will choose anyway. The me who suffers from any decision or choices is me and not the āreal meā. What the heck.
Iām going to just wear my BPIL 24/7 on my neck instead of carrying it around in a pouch now.
Update: I also feel like I keep going back to look at The Sacred Flower tag whenever I start wearing BPIL again. I guess itās calling for me.
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Bruh 
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Follow up and last time I talk about it.
So after yesterdayās āreprimandsā I closed my eyes again this morning and I had some concepts waiting for me, like an upgrade. Now I can connect and download knowledge without closing my eyes or meditating.
I noticed, now that they can ācommunicateā they donāt force it in my mind. They put the conceptual packages next to me and I read it when I go there. Itās personal details, instructions. The rest is for everyone.
There are groups, the more similar we are, we closer we are. I canāt connect to the most advanced. Itās a little like a dark space surrounded by a curtain and I can see the energy flow from points behind the curtain and know things about the version of me sending it. Live feed type.
I tried to connect to what I think is the strongest in my group. I started seeing things, I wanted to know about his life and he popped up next to me āListen new guy, youāre too loud, your mind is creaming, itās annoying for everyone. youāre just one of the many, youāre not special or interesting. Plenty more like you are coming. Itās an alliance so that we can all become smarter faster. Weāre not gonna chat or send christmas cards to each other. We are the same person, but we have different lives. Just do yoursā.
Third time they hand me my lunch.
They also donāt really care much about the knowledge I share, they are more spiritual and scientific. Seems like the energetic, guru stuff is their main focus.
Though, the younger version are needy and would love to chat. But I donāt really want to be their friends or teach them much either.
Anyway, now I just download some content and I feel a pressure in my head. I get ideas, I notice things, some things look different. Still learning.
Itās kinda funny though, you put a bunch of Philips in a room and I end up being the btch. These guys are also kinda jerks, but Iām the same lol
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Wow thatās SO interesting! Thank you for taking the time to write it. A few years back I tried quantum jumping I think itās called, where you connect with a probable version of yourself that has achieved something you want and you integrate it. But while I was open minded enough to consider it, there was too much doubt at the time for it to work.
Mais maintenant, tout est possible ;) hahahah
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Sorry, had to. Lol
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I didnāt know it was a thing. I just needed help and figured the only person whoāll care or understand me is āme from the futureā and Iāve been praying to him more than Jesus.
10 years ago my brother told me he had the same idea. Then Uial told me at the beginning of the forum to keep trying.
Then 2 week ago someone in the PMs told me my higher self wanted to talk to me, but Iām not listening so he went through that person.
I tried to connect and a strong energy work started, my sleep was bad, I had a bad mood.
Then someone else told me in PMs āmaybe your future you is sending you the visionsā thatās what their intuition told them.
Then it kept going, then I talked to Dream. And I felt more confidence and then I received the āconceptual packageā on how to connect.
But Iām not the one who started it and they tried for a while to recruit me.
Also, Iāve been spamming the Imaginarium divine for 2 days 
(thread is gonna bump)
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YES! A Rick and Morty reference! < swoon >
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Whatever that doesnāt consume the fire
The fire shall consume
Letās dance
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Yesterday, I was in a grey room and a small group of Philips were sharing their energy into a structure in the middle. I tried to download the energy inside it. Some of them payed attention to me some ignored me, just doing their thing.
It was kinda weird. It was progress but a confusing one.
Today, i was back to the old black room. But it seems that the grey room was how I could best interpret the situation or a way to prepare me.
Turns out the back room with the energy flowing from behind the curtain is like a ācommon mindā deep inside us. And behind the curtain are the upper levels of consciousness. And when we send infos it pops up in our conscious mind and there are ways we can see or exchange with their world (I think).
I definitely downloaded someoneās memory and I get bits of pictures coming from their upper consciousness.
So I went to the guy who I talked to before and tapped into his knowledge, calmly, gently without chit chat, I said āthanksā he replied āyouāre welcomeā in a good mood.
I think the ones who were ājoiningā the nexus are not really joining as much as āwaking upā to this inner world. But they are already part of it. Itās just happening too deep. So if we send them informations it will just travel through this deep layers and pop up into their consciousness in a flash out of seemingly nowhere. And thatās how they were helping me.
All that stuff is messing with my sleep.
Update:
Itās been 5 days, I got better at staying quiet, but I made a step back because I was expecting things, which made evolving harder.
It was getting less and less tangible with mixed results.
I needed to trust my perception. I went back and one came to me like āyouāre trying too hard, notice the difference between simple imagination and traveling ? There is a density difference around your body, it gets heavier in the zone. The energy IS the information. You need to resonate with it. You got overloaded because you misuse itā.
There was some concepts and images with it, it showed me another much simpler, much easier way to do it.
Basically, I just close my eyes, I focus and itās like changing channels. Or I can focus on a specific object/knowledge/situation Iām interested in and itās like āscoutingā.
Iām going to get a feedback if there is or isnāt something that matches. If something matches, Iāll get the results. I got some knowledge in a āconsciousā way. Instead of 'downloading" some energy and be affected by it later. I got my answer or 60-90% of it.
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