Today, went to a Superbowl party at a bar, and I had such a beautiful time. Many of my old fellow Meetup club and bar hopper friends from 2023 were happy to see me after being MIA for over a year. I made amends with maybe 5-6 people that I had lost my temper wit, and the energy and vibe was so positive and beautiful amongst everyone. Being genuinely sorry and truly forgiving people is so beautiful to me. Because it comes from the heart, and not the mind. The energy is pure, and can be felt if itās fake or real. Iām really happy and proud of myself. I used to have a harder time apologizin, but I love to admit if I am wrong. Even if I am not wrong but had cursed they ass out in fits of rage lol. I am human. I am far from perfect, and a work in progress until I am 6 ft under. I canāt wait to start going out alot more now like before. I am finally more balanced now, after spending over a year by my lonesome. And Biankaās death taught me so many lessons bout compassion, forgiveness, and tolerance that I always hold wit me now. And ya know ya boy smelled good as fuck 
You know me lil bro 
I walk about and scream and shout
And no one bothers me
Itās when Iām quiet; silent as ice
The wind it Howls
The Wolves they bite
Little need of food nor sleep
The mind revives in waters deep
Ever watchful from the source
A lake of longing bursts its shore
Aches and pains of weary past
Dissipate and oh how fast
Sureful splendor of the sun
Still and silence work is done
Faded shadows watch from tinted windows,
their sight clipped to moonlightās silver hush.
Iāve chased horizons like stray dogs chase cars,
teeth sinking into the windās empty promise.
I lag behind, stuck on the last episode,
pressing play on memories that never change.
The remote wonāt budgeā¦so I keep rewatching old dreams,
grainy and soft as a worn-out tape.
Thoughts swell like tides with no shore to kiss,
adrift in a sea that forgets its own waves.
I clutch half-written answers, ink bleeding on crumpled paper,
trying to bottle the ghost of a feeling,
one that dissolves the moment I touch it.
And just when I think Iāve found the ending,
a voice offstage whispers āAndā¦ scene.ā
Came across this online.
āit stinks when you stop reaching out first and see how many one sided friendships you kept aliveā - some random person
This has definitely been my past experienceāitās disappointing to realize that many friendships were merely transactional rather than genuine.
That first sentence got me. 
āUnsettling truths can shatter illusions about those we hold dear. Yet, in this discomfort lies a liberating clarity: the distinction between love for individuals and loyalty to virtue. Prioritize the latter, and the former becomes more genuine, not less.ā - random person
Thereās been a time
Before records and gods
When man was free to roam
Morality it touched him not
He called the world his home
He spoke in symbols from the deep
His innermost self he did keep
And rising early before the sun did chance
He wandered in the great expanse