I ask because for years I’ve seen similarities
Yet at the same time total opposites
I mean it goes without saying don’t be weird about this
It’s an honest question. Like that of the porn thread’s.
I don’t know how much this community feels comfortable with treading into such deep topics though; but thats my problem. I want to speak on deep topics. Challenge my views. Rewire whatever schemata i hold because that’s the only way up.
I’m aware the only thing I know is nothing.
But deep topics are controversial. I’ve never seem one regarding homosexuality. Transgenderism.
Maybe as a collective we aren’t comfortable with talking about such topics yet.
Maybe its not the time yet, idk
So you lmk
Whats considered allowed? Sure sure there is no right or wrong
But
The higher you go, simple knowings fall into place
Ie forgoing meat. But not everyone understands that
Similarly what about sex?
Everyone talks about penis and semen but as a woman I really wonder what’s up with sex; what gets a nod, what doesn’t
Is “vanilla” the only way?
If so- why?
If no negative feelings or energy is there for the two consenting adults but its rough
Isnt that better than
A couple having vanilla but not so happy, the complete opposite of the couple above?
so what they would say its not bondage
Rather breaking free
Like spirituality. We seek because we no longer want to be bound; we want liberation
They would argue its liberating.
Ok and the sub; the sub understands they aren’t “higher up”
The seeker themselves have recognize they too are not the “higher up; they report to a much higher source
Both a forgoing- a subduing of ego; the sub and the seeker still know they aren’t “less than” yet understand how this play- or game’s rules work/ plays out
But I’m not sure, now thinking about it maybe we have been conditioned to some extent with porn, media, movies, etc. And how much sexuality is at the forefront of almost everything
Everything gets a nod as long as it’s consensual imo.
It doesn’t have to be “this” or “that”, in fact you don’t even have to form an opinion on it.
If I want to take it more philosophical, once you form a strong opinion, you will start to “identify” with it and then it’s just another layer of useless identification.
I’ve been thinking about something related to this lately though. I think specifically BDSM, a lot of things are playing around and with “control”. Being in control vs being controlled, dominant Vs restricted etc.
So… I would think if someone has a strong preference for one or the other, and a strong emotional response… to me that shows the person has some form of unresolved issues around that topic.
And that’s not something negative nor shaming, just I think bdsm preferences, especially if they’re strong, can be used as “pointers” as such.
Well all is self, hurting some one is essentially hurting your self, but there’s no such thing as right or wrong or good or bad either so i dunno lol at the end of the day, it’s all an illusion haha so i guess, whatever floats your boat and rocks your sheets don’t matter to me! Haha
Sex, as a physical extension of the creative principle, often brings light to the unconscious/shadow in striking ways. There is a telling vulnerability inherent in sexuality and it allows people to access psychological states that they generally feel uncomfortable exploring (or unable to).
It can also dig up unwanted emotions in that vulnerability in consensual yet taboo circumstances (homosexual relationships, sex with a coworker, ect.) inevitably draws in societal expectation and pressure. This, if left unresolved, festers into karmic behavior, repression of the individualized self’s desire, and ultimately rejection of self.
BDSM is a way in which people can act out their (the personality’s) need to be in control or relinquish control. In media, the way BDSM is often portrayed is with a woman as a dominatrix and a man as the submissive partner, but this of course takes place in any combination of gender and orientation dynamics. So if utilized as a tool BDSM can be a potent healing modality to the extent that the specific desire needs to be played out. If done in excess or with partners who seek to use the experience to escape rather than face their shadows, more unintentionally painful karmic cords can be made rather than healing the psyche.
Consent is paramount in any relationship of course, so ensure that is established first and that all partners are on the same page for a successful relationship.
One way it is healing. One way it needs to be healed.
Both goes hand in hand.
I feel it is karmic, past life incidents, habits, brain pleasure and pain points Criss cross…
Wonder what happens to ego on complete submissive play.
Does it have similar benefits of cosplay? Maybe…
Thin line between being a psycho and a kinky master.
well BDSM can be percieved from my point of view as the highest form of intimacy but only if both parties can participate fully and openly.
i for one had the luck to know and feel what it does and the misfortune to shy away from it because of my conditioning and so sacrificing alot of my integrity and that of my partner then.
to sacrifice so much by shying away and to become a victim of hard lessons. amd of course growth.
BDSM practiced as it should can have an imense cleansing (karmic,enteties,darkness of any kind) effect on both parties even more so for the sub.
the dominant is the healer the sub is being healed. only if the dominant accepts fully his role will he also be healed.
there i failed.
but then again my partner didnt give me a hand.
the partner wanted to dominate in life and be dominated in bed.
Well, as long as is consensual and is not completely gross or harsh (for anyone involved), I don’t know, at least I wouldn’t go to extremes; yeah, (if) it’s fun, it’s a fantasy, work with it, enjoy the moment!
I guess this is like marijuana or like many things, society used to view them as a “no go zone”, nowadays, we are more open.
It can be beneficial, but it can also bring your darkest fantasies, it can make you worse, etc., like everything, it depends how you use it and what effects it has on you and your partner.
I kind of changed my mind, BDSM is cancer, very possible or most probably that some entities encourage these type of behaviours, likes or wants and needs, even just as a fantasy, even if you don’t act upon this type of craziness.
Now, I dont think it is normal, nor healthy and I realize that something, maybe trauma, idk what (I was Not abused sexually), but something triggered this whole dark shadow over my life, throughout the years I was like this positive dude, yet also possessed like, having all sorts of dark fantasies, which maybe were not even mine, but installed in some sense.
I do Not want to identify with such madness anymore and I want to break free from such likes, from such ugliness, therefore I want to replace certain traits or needs of mine with healthier ones - I know I can, the human mind and spirit is capable of all sorts of things, and other threads kind of answered some of my questions: we are Not these programs that we are running, we can change them, we can replace or upgrade them and that is what I want to do right now, Heck, IT’ S MY MISSION TO BE HEALTHY ON ALL LEVELS.
I don’t think those topics are controversial at all.
Many people find them controversial because they are still persecuted by old conservative values, and many folks interested in spirituality also seem to be very ideologically conservative themselves.
I think it’s because many spiritual teaches had been pushed within a liberal capitalist agenda in which people use spirituality to pursue capitalist values like fame, being rich, self-improvement and all sorts of stuff, which are predicated heavily in western values.
It’s how western values got mixed with eastern practices. Now you have “Yoga to manifest millions of dollars”.
Regarding to the main topic and concern, BDSM can be healthy as long as it doesn’t feed on old traumas/energy blockages and people use it for fun and not as a necessary means to enjoy sex, and also as long as people don’t feed an abusive relationship outside sex.
I enjoy rough sex, dominating and being dominated, sex is very much a power practice, unless you’re deep into tantric stuff and want to achieve enlightenment through sex or something like that, which I think you don’t need to have sex to seek that in the first place lol.
And regarding to homosexuality and transgenderism, both are sexual identifications same as heterosexuality. There’s no actual distinction between heterosexuality, homosexuality and transgenderism, all these sexual identifications are socially constructed and based on social bond, before we even identify to something our sexual energy doesn’t have any organization or order to be placed upon, so, roughly speaking all forms of identification are artificial and not natural or intrinsic to anything.
Greek men used to have sex with each other and wasn’t considered “homosexuality”. After the XVII century we got really messed up with values, morals and western ideals.
Disclaimer: This post is my personal experience and opinion, if you feel triggered feel free to stop reading.
First of all, if you truly enjoy hurting somebody or let somebody hurt you, you are traumatized.
If you do so in a sexual context you probably have some history of sexual abuse.
People who disagree are either traumatized themselves or make money of people who are.
I am not talking about some spanking, gentle biting, fucking hard etc.
I am talking about inflicting real pain and getting off on it. No matter if you are receiver or inflictor.
To be clear, I am not judging you or others who engage in it. But ask yourself these questions:
Does it feel good to hurt her/him; vice versa? Does it give you a feeling of security? (cope), power? (cope)…? Do you love your partner? Not even in a romantic way, do you aknowledge her/him being a human being/soul? Would you consciously hurt somebody you love ? Do you see each other as equals at all?
Many people who engage in BDSM try to get back at the other sex in some way/cope with their trauma.
“Oh, men always abused me, now I have to power to give them a payback”
or
“Mum was never there for me, all women are trash and should be treated like such”
or
“I was always treated like this. I have no other way of expressing sexuality. I am a piece of shit. I deserve this. I love this.”
…
The same applies to power dynamics in a way.
Healthy power dynamics are about trust. About leadership. The leader/dom carries the responsibility to guide, act and care for his follower(s)/sub(s). Not about “I can take her/him and do whatever the fuck I want, finally I can blow of steam”.
The Follower/Sub on the other hand is allowing the leader to guide her/him. To relax and let go of responsibility.
So we can argue who is really in charge here. There has to be some consent based on free will.
Of course the most of it isn´t consciously. That´s where shadow work comes into play.
One has to examine all his preferences, beliefs, desires etc. and understand them first.
Porn plays a big part in it too. There is tons of erotic hypnosis content on yt, free accessible for kids.
Most people can´t even remotely imagine how traumatized and brainwashed they are.
How much influence their (sexual) trauma on their desires, preferrences, orientation etc has.
How much you can alter a person further, who is already traumatized and fearful (suggestible) with subliminals, energy work, entities, hormones etc.
And then they call it “sexual freedom”
If you are ashamed or afraid of something, it won´t just disappear because you want to reprogram it @SoulStar33.
You can´t solve a problem from the place/mindset that caused it.
You have to go to the root. And no matter what you find, don´t judge yourself for it.
Either you recognize that it´s indeed a problematic programming, meaning you can change it if you heal the cause for it. Or you discover that it is something that isn´t a problem in the first place.
Regarding different sexual preferences, I believe that some of them are due to above mentioned factors and some natural.
Most people that walk around, feel artificial to me.
At the end of the day, everybody should take his/her time to examine him/herself.
What you really want? Is it really healthy? Can I live with it? Am I happy?
Power plays in several dimensions of social bond. It is not unidimensional.
Even at the level of recognition of anybody else there is power playing already. Friendships, love, relationships.
Now, I don’t think that hardcore stuff is healthy neither. People do all kinds of stuff, I am talking about dominating and being dominated.
Not inflicting physical and psychological pain in others.
By the way, there is much more traumatizing bonds between people who don’t engage in BDSM, like religious couples that torture passive-aggresively each other to death and terminal cancer meanwhile everyone else thinks they have a lovely and harmonious relationship.
there wont be any general consensus because BDSM is a kink and people have different kinks.
Well, maybe consensus could be that if everyone involved wants to do it, and can decide what she/he wants its ok.
But then again there are people who believe sex in any position but missionary is evil and you will go to hell for it so no general consenus will be found.
I have a very negative opinion of it, and I also have personal experience with it.
Just because something is consensual it doesn’t mean it’s not harmful - cutting yourself is consensual; becoming a hikikomori with a crippling videogames and porn addiction is consensual; asking a surgeon to amputate a limb for no reason would be consensual - though illegal in most places.
So why do I believe it’s harmful? Because I don’t think that what happens during sex is isolated from the rest of one’s life and has no ripercussions outside of the bedroom. In this forum I’ve often seen talks of how song lyrics, movies, adverts etc can influence you - and I’ve found this to be true. If you can be easily influenced by an ad, what’s going to happen when, in your most vulnerable moments, you’re being repeatedly told that you’re a good for nothing w****, or you’re being beaten, or you’re getting used to obey someone else? Conversely, what is it going to do to your psyche when you start associating your most intimate moments with being violent/rough, ordering them around and telling them they’re just a w****? I don’t think most people involved have any bad intentions, but I also don’t think it’s good for anyone’s mental health and relationship with sexuality.
I was in the BDSM community for a while and most of the people there are traumatized or have a lot of insecurity and low self esteem. I myself lost all interest for the practices involved as soon as I started to love myself more. Conversely, after stopping all the practices (and associated porn) I’ve noticed a definite boost in self esteem and self respect, independent of the other work I was doing on myself.
I feel the same way. Have been quite addicted to this pornography for many years and when I abstained for 6 months I attained spiritual states that were ridiculous. I’ve read some studies supposedly claiming that people who practice this sub culture aren’t any psychologically less healthy than the rest of the population, in fact, more psychologically healthy but I don’t believe it. I don’t think it’s possible to compartmentalize what we fantasize or do privately from the rest of our lives. Definitely creates issues.
The thing is, being “psychologically healthy”, especially in studies, means you haven’t been formally diagnosed with something from the DSM. You can still have low self esteem, find very little meaning in life, have a bleak and cynical outlook and be formally “healthy”.
so no general consenus will be found.