This is a very interesting topic and I couldn’t shy away. Have so many more questions and things to get to but this is a fun one. I don’t have all the answers to this topic either. But of course, just want to share my subjective opinions on it.
This is indeed true. I think everyone here saying that most of it derives from traumas or insecurities are certainly right but it isn’t always the case. Sexual Imprints are sometimes… very random and honestly, out of all the imprints, I think sexual imprints are probably the most permanent. I think they might be possible to remove but they are very, very difficult as they are very freaking solid. Like hard as metal kind of solid.
I’ve already known this for a long time but came to more terms with it as I’ve worked with people over the years… Using fields, they had therapists and all kinds of modalities they’ve tried and they could not ever remove the desire. Sometimes it isn’t something like BDSM but something annoying like getting pooped on or licking toes. It’s something you sort of just get stuck with unfortunately. Very, very few people are ever able to fully remove their sexual impulses.
But since we are talking about BDSM… my personal opinion is that ‘sex is play.’ It is a fun activity and we all find it fun/pleasurable in different ways. We all get our sexual imprints in different ways. Some through trauma and others through very random life events early in our lives. Now, with BDSM, the power dynamic of submissive and dominant is part of the play. It is fun and not always indicative of being a powerless, insecure person. The trauma may have incited what the person leans toward sexually but that doesn’t define their sexuality. Just like our parents and environment may have incited lots of things about our personality but our parents and environment don’t define our personality. Our influences aren’t who we are. They just lead to who we are.
And yes, trauma for a lot of people creates who they are in many ways. Our experiences shape us. The unfortunate truth is that the trauma is part of our shadow. And when we learn to accept and embrace it and not distort our beingness, that is how we overcome our trauma. That is how we own it.
I know people in the BDSM community and it’s all about sexual expression to them. Sure, for some of them, it stemmed from trauma but being the dominant or submissive just becomes what they are drawn to sexually. It is imprinted and they accept and they play the game. Outside of sex, it doesn’t mean they are insecure or submissive to the world. They just find the most comfort and pleasure in playing that role in the bedroom. In fact, I’ve found some BDSM subs to be some of the more confident women I’ve come across.
Typically during sex, there is the feminine/masucline dynamic that is expressed through submission/dominance. This is also the same in gay couples. There is usually the more masculine of the couple and then the fem, top/bottom.
Sexuality is a dance and the roles of the leader and the led are not always fixed. Some men for example like being subs and some women like being the dom in bed. Some women like watching their men have sex with other women and vice versa. There are thousands of kinks and the people who tend to embrace them, end up having the most fun and fulfilling sex lives.
But of course, there are horrible kinks like pedophilia or rape (like actual rape, not rape fantasies) that just end up causing lots of harm. That is why I still think pursuing a way to remove sexual imprints is worthy. Some imprints are far too damaging to keep.
I personally don’t think BDSM is one of those though. I know people in the BDSM community and will admit to have engaged in it with it before. And it’s simply what ‘gets the person off.’ Now of course, behind everything we do, there is subconscious reason for it. But it isn’t always nefarious or damaging to the psyche. Much of my personality is subconscious and no matter how much of my ego dissolves, part of it is going to be fixed in a certain way. Same with dream, I hardly recognize him sometimes with how much of his ego dissolved but he’s still dreamweaver. Still the same kind of talking and thinking I’ve come to know all these years.
Sexuality is one of those parts of our personality that tends to be… very fixed. You can either embrace it or likely be sexually repressed. As someone mentioned, if both people are in on it and it’s all consensual, I don’t see the issue.
Now, if it’s non consensual (pedophiles, rape), I actually feel rather bad for such people. You will either have to accept sexual repression or have to take drugs to calm the impulsions. Lots of psychotherapy and lots of retraint. I’m starting to think there might be a light at the end of the tunnel though. I do believe reimprinting of such desire is possible with psychedelic therapy. It is slowly starting to get legalized so I’m hoping for therapists to use it and start trying to tackle sexual imprints.
