ahhh let me walk you through the other side then :)
But before, I actually get the idea of something that is incredibly severe that feels finally understood by someone, a group of people, having shared similar experiences, and ‘know’ how the effects were, and still are.
You’re a hero for starting a new life without all these substances btw! That’s a lot of consistency and I’m sure it is paying off!
congratulations for such a long streak! :)
Now, a few things here:
– this concept of “only a certain group understands me/this” truly doesn’t help in the long run. I always see the first step in forgiving yourself, letting go of all the guilt and shame, is to feel that you are understood.
when we don’t feel we are seen, it means there is still a part of us that wishes to experience this… it means that even us are not “understanding” … as bad as we want it, is as bad we could think people don’t…
But if we look around, we find how many are looking back at us, in acceptance, in understanding, having thought the same themselves too, but only to find a lot more people actually “get it…”
there are many variations also to how we understand other people experiences, no two people will ever experience the same thing in the same way, but we all can see through each other, we all can see what our experience mean to us… we all can observe, even if differently… it does not change the fact of the spectrum of understanding, and ultimately understanding, itself.
for me, I have this ability of seeing things in their good, in their bad, in their gray areas… I will see your experience while also acknowledging that some had it differently… I will see the pain but also understand how it is inflicted … I will see through the reasons but also understand that it is fully of one’s doing and at the same time, not.
And so many people can see things this way, or in any different way that allows them to see the full picture. Truth is, sometimes it is also harder when we are still in the waters! when we are the one affected. but a reminder from the people around or shifting to see someone else wearing our shoes is a step among many, back and then forward :)
we are more seen by people than we realize.
About porn,
not only it is free and accessible to everyone, but it also acts on the reflection of self. the part where you “wish” you were in the same place as the actors, the part that stimulates your presence over there, doing all the moves that you see on the screen. they feel real, they feel as if they are in your touch, but they aren’t… but one goes back to it, again and again, the images, the visuals… the “sensory” experience. this, dangerous part of porn.
and do you know what the dangerous experience of porn is like to us ladies?
Luckily, sex hormones are present in females and males, so the hormonal part is widely effective in all humans. But, you know what else is special about women’s hormones? Our cycle.
The hormonal cycle of the female is not a straight line of morning pump and moderate drop throughout the day. It is not a pump that is activated on demand on a trip to the gym.
It is a cyclical functioning of a full reproductive system that when unbalanced, quite literally “takes over” the bodily functions and their “Tasks” that should be performed normally.
Imagine a porn addict, female, who has her brain connected to porn for Basic hormonal functions, like a monthly period.
(the release of the eggs being controlled by addiction??)
or a porn addict, female, who has her hormonal progesterone unregulated by higher estrogen being taped to porn?
or another, who has lower estrogen but higher progesterone because that’s where all the porn spice is?
To us, it is not only testosterone , but a blend of the 3 hormones (and a few more!) that work to regulate our whole hormonal cycle and reproduction. Now when a full body function is “Regulated by porn” … How messed up do you think a whole cycle can be?
Now moving to the social aspect, men have hard wiring towards conquering, yes. observing the self-worth only on how far a man is desired by woman. It’s a pressure, It’s unbearable to endure from such a young age, that without his women he is nothing, and the more, the merrier… How can any man truly love a woman if that is what he has been conditioned to all his life?
See, a meeting point between genders has not really existed on a more “collective” level… Because while men are pressured into being the knight of the day,
women are also pressured to be the “Model” of the night.
Porn reflects the satisfied woman to you, (who isn’t satisfied at all), the moves that made her do this and that…
Porn reflects the unrealistic, ideal, non existent woman to us, who is pressuring herself 10 folds to be in what the screens show… It reflects the fantasy, the woman who you must become, this is how you should moan, and this is how you should look, this is how you should be treated, and this is how you should do it…
It messes us up equally.
Just in a different direction.
And not just that, we walk out of it to the real world constantly getting bombarded by the same thing… Everywhere. On TV ads, Magazine covers, Oh no… In paving your way through!
Tie your hair up in a professional work place, you let your hair down, you are now their snacc and you are not taken serious.
Everyone pays the price, zanderos. Society, as a whole, pays the price. Men never learn how to actually read a woman’s body, Women do not know how to have conscious sex, Men open up their lives thinking they had these women he saw on the screen, and growing entitled to women’s bodies. When in fact, it is really how much he thinks he “can’t” have one, because of porn.
Yes, porn addiction is for no successful individual, and I reckon the “success” finally being reflected in multiple women in and out is also another real-life experience of porn.
It is.
a recreation. Just in real life. More and more unconscious sex. More and more “fake rewards”… More and more empty places filled for a passing moment.
