Have fun on holiday man 
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There is too much to talk about.
Though I realised Iām an idiot lol
Since I have gotten the field Iāve been thinking āmy life is a piece of shit, I built a monument to compromisesā and Iāve been noticing a lot of reasons and a lot of changes that needs to be made.
I have learned a lot but in the end, the real reason, officially as of today:
I have a low consciousness, I spend time wondering whether I should do this or that, A or B. The way I see life is already wrong, the choices that I see are wrong. You donāt even know what options you have.
You have a million other options, blue pill or red pill, what is right, what should I do ?
What about the purple pill ? What about the rest of the alphabet ?
Then you end up waiting on things or people and your life sucks.
If everything is right VS wrong, youāll keep doing whatever you think the ārightā thing is and youāll reduce your life and yourself to only 2 options forever and your life will be lame.
Primitive consciousnesses reduces the options that you see, then you wonder why your life is stuck and why you turn around in circles. Like a kid that needs to be offered clear cut options to know what to do. Only basing the future on your past, what can be on what has been.
You should spend less time wondering whether you should do this or that.
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Ahhā¦ you are struggling with duality. Connect back with the Masterpiece NFT. We had discussed this in our private group as well.
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I simplified to right vs wrong to symbolize limited amount of choices.
At some point I have to put it into words lol, but itās true for 3-10 options. Low consciousness limits the options.
I guess Iāll have to write it another way with a concrete example.
It did seem easier to use the classical right vs wrong.
Iāll change it when I have time
PS: Right vs wrong is a valid example of limited choices and low consciousness, first one that comes to mind.
But it will be confusing.
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I canāt give a better example without saying too much about the field itself.
Not today, I donāt know when it was, I stopped meditating with it, I used some audios to prepare myself, but I didnāt have the willpower to travel again. I can meditate with other fields, just going slower with this one lol.
Somewhen later, I have been trying to let go and surrender to it.
I donāt feel overwhelmed or tired like I used to, I donāt feel much physically anymore. Iām learning things but I donāt feel much changes.
But Iām falling into it, I feel like time slowed down a lot, yesterday feels like last week. I keep checking the calendar, the days donāt change. Still the 23rd. I didnāt notice the changes, but my tastes did. I like things I didnāt like before, I donāt like some of the things I used to like. Though it feels like its the people and environment that are changing not me.
Some of the changes are so fast, I canāt see them anymore. Small bits of my personality are shifting around. Instead of experiencing the changes one by one like before, now Iām looking inside my mind for what already changed, little details here and there.
Hahaha, I donāt know what Iām saying here or experiencing, did I say all that before ?
itās like puberty on steroid.
Edit: Also learned a lot about myself, why I developed this way and where my obsessions with knowledge comes from. Iāve been thinking about how weird some of my behaviours are. I even forgot I had some psychotherapy about it as a kid. A lot of things make sense.
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I will skip the details that are too intimate.
I realised that most people have no clue what they are talking about on a lot of subjects, I read and listened to people, I scrolled through my books, searched online, watched interviews, looked at dictionaries and encyclopaedias and sure enough people donāt know.
Not a single answer was satisfactory.
Itās always one perspective based on one experience of reality, lots of speculations, failures until success that they canāt really repeat. Its lot of effort, intuition and luck. āItās art and scienceā: yeah, they donāt know. Itās a bunch of hack advises not a science.
So I started making my own research, looking at the statistics and writing my theory, I will test it, prove it and enjoy it then I will release it. There are deeper reasons and connections explaining why things happen.
Much has not been invented or discovered yet and this has become my new motivation. Turns out thatās the next step you are supposed to follow after learning from the masters if you still donāt have an answer.
Also, beside my first research ever, Iām starting to invent little things. I never had any type of original intellectual output before. Tiny little innovations so far, Iām at the drawing stage of what I hope will be a cool invention.
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The name changed threw me, I was like this guy talks exatly like philp.
Anyway this might help you with your research.
If you have enough notes, you can get a plug in to create your own siri out of your own notes. Very smart note taking app.
Will help with your research takes some time to get the hang of it.
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I found out what caused the mood swings since the beginning, was not the fruit.
My apology to the NFT and the community too
Silly thing really
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Philip is Dr_Manhattan
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It doesnāt feel very human.
My consciousness has transformed again and my mind has expanded by the hours. First the changes are weird, then you canāt remember how life was before these changes.
I would have liked to talk to the old me.
Who was I ?
I would have liked to know him better.
I know he didnāt like having too much intimacy, he would have been embarrassed that he didnāt know himself and would worry about me finding the deep hollow space inside him.
But I would have asked him some questions, who he is, how does he feel, what are his hopes and fears, why he thinks and believes things the way he does. Have a conversation.
He would probably be annoyed and disliked me, definitely would have called me a nerd haha
Well, that ship is sailed.
I used 3% of the Fruit now, itās going to become increasingly chimeric.
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Your comment reminds me of a discussion Between OM and Dream on a thread.
Where he says his memory is different because he a new person.
If i find it i would link it here. But I read it a while ago so take it with a grain of large salt
Their talking about Dream BTW
somone just msg me
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Cool, thank you Sir
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In time, you can kind-of talk to the āold youā. You still have a record of old posts spread across the forum. I havenāt made a specific effort to read things in energy, but I do pick up things every once in a while.
A number of past posts were expressed more strongly from the head and your intent had a more forceful link with different subjects you had engaged with. Now it does seem like your head space has opened up a bit and instead of having a lot of force expressed at a focal point, your awareness is a bit wider and youāre picking up different things across a broader range.
There are probably other changes, but I am able to recognize that one because Iāve experienced it in the past too.
But anyways, with the forum post, you have a time-stamped collection of how your mind was working at different points in the past.
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Nice insight, Noesis 
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I have been keeping a detailed journal for almost 2 weeks with over 100 pages. This time stamp is sage.
But my past forum post wonāt be profound or intimate, I just like to run my mouth 
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So, I reached my peak learning speed, it would have taken me many lifetimes to learn all this. I will probably learn a little faster as the results keep compounding.
But the limits of human consciousness and life experiences are becoming clear to me. It is also becoming clear that this is a temporary configuration in a long development process.
It will take some time to implement the new strategies, but the rate of growth should increase many folds before Christmas I think and hope.
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