Time for some confession. I wasn’t going to share because it’s absolutely not recommended for - safe to say - the majority of people (including me). It was what… I don’t remember exactly when I did this (haha… not a surprise, after all) but I looped this one with the Torsion Field. It was during one of my attacks of megalomania (sOMeone I particularly love here - no, not groupie love lol - would call it a 3-year-old-tantrum as well). Basically, the thinking line was: “Gnnarrff… I won’t wait to get back to the Source step by step. I’m done being fooled, that’s enough They keep saying that I’m ‘much more than that’ and I still have to cope with my supposed limits? I won’t!”
There’s a song by Tom Waits <3 called The Piano Has Been Drinking. That’s exactly how I was after the experience. Exactly that tone. No way to sit up straight, walk straight, think straight. I grabbed some grounding fields, thanked the Fae and ESS servitors for being already here, ate some bread, and took a cold shower. Laughing at my own frenziness. My stomach feeling like a washing machine. Could have been way worse…
I think I sort of passed out at some point while doing this nonsense. I had started in a half-lotus pose but found myself like the Tower of Pisa shortly after… or longly? Impossible to tell lol. I didn’t calculate the exact amount of time because that wouldn’t have made any accurate sense anyway.
The greatness of the immensity (?!) is such that I wasn’t even impressed or frightened or anything like that. I was just partly annihilated. Or cancelled. Still seeing but as if I had zillion eyes spread across the Universe. It was a glimpse, just a glimpse of how being both here and there x360 at the same time would feel like. Shattered (as in broken down into innumerable pieces) while also expanded as a whole. But quite lost though.
One positive outcome from this nutty experiment was the perception of countless possibilities. Not just on the paper nor “intellectually”. No more intellect is allowed in such a state anyway. So whenever thinking back of it, it’s one of the things + “field-adventures” that make me spend less time to minimize some problems and issues that I or others around me may have. It’s not just mere optimism or resilience. More like the beginning of being finally confronted with the way “everything” seems to function.