Honey listen, I’ll try to be gentle.
The loneliness radiating through your post is really sad.
I don’t know how old you are and what your situation is, but I would strongly recommend to find peace within yourself rather than trying to use some invisible being to fill this gaping hole in your life.
Clearly, you would like to have a partner that you love and loves you back and is there for you. (Don’t we all…)
I would recommend that you use sapien fields like
- ego dissolution (you’ll see it’s really not that bad ;)
- subconscious limits removal (it will start getting easier)
- become whole (give it a try for an hour a day)
- unconditional love (and the whole attract love album) - you can loop this all night while you’re sleeping, it’s just a beep sound so good for that on min volume
- archetypes of parental love
(I’m sure others can recommend more - all of these you can loop all day basically)
If you can afford it, buy the field called my emotional and mental supporter.
I wish you well 