Don’t be.
It can easily happen to fall back into old unwanted identifies through certain triggers. Nobody is judging here.
That said,
It sounds to me somewhat like you’re lacking some sort of direction? I use a question mark here, because yourself knows best.
Looks like you accomplished numerous goals but they’re not end goals, but more like steps in between.
Are you meditating? In silence, it’s natural to regain confidence and view new paths.
Aside from that, blueprint of life brings coherence into your being. You can combine it with guidance from the voice of gamayun and spear of destiny fields. Sometimes strength and support is needed from divinity; you can use the grace of angels and saints. These are all free fields aside from blueprint of life. These combined should give you strength, support and wisdom to move ahead smoothly.