But more often than not, it’s the ego/subconscious’s resistance to change that causes a ‘lack’ of effect.
I’d like to share a story with you guys. Of when I was in that same predicament many years ago when I wouldn’t really feel anything and doubted this stuff. It’s going to be a long one but I feel like it might be able to bring some clarity with those struggling.
I was in a dark, dark period too for a number of years in my life so I get it. And to be honest, it was so difficult to get out of it. Pushing past this gigantic weight that is pressing upon me all the time. Get up to just get pushed back down. And to practically be possessed by a pattern of negative thoughts that just don’t let up. I tried what felt like an endless amount of times hard to lift myself out of that state but… I’d always fail and fall back to my bad habits. It’s literally like a force pushing down on you. And through all that pain, I’d always resort to smoking weed. It was my only release but depending on that release would only dig the pain until it would rise again in my sobriety.
I guess a good question would be… what was my problem? I was extremely selfish, extremely insecure (virgo perfectionism is beyond annoying lol), porn/sex addict (with the few women I ended up with at least), weed addict, impulsive as hell, would do illegal things (misdemeanor) and a host of other things. I come from a good family too so I put my mom through a lot and didn’t treat her so well. sigh All in all, I was always very critical of myself so I hated this version of myself. I didn’t like who I was, didn’t like how I looked… I didn’t like being me.
So I tried to change. I really did. Tried all sorts of things.
Did pavlovs dog conditioning on myself by punishing bad behavior and rewarding good behavior… that didn’t’ work lol. Did guided meditations. Didn’t work. Did hypnotherapy but that didn’t work. Read Robert Anton Wilson’s ‘Prometheus Rising’ and it was extremely logical and did a great job of opening my mind to magick. So I ended up resorting to magick because I was desperate. Keep in mind, I wasn’t energy sensitive at all these days and my mind was still very skeptical of these kinds of things. But desperate times, desperate measures.
I ran into xtrememind… didn’t fully work for me but I’d get glimpses of energy and certain things happening so it made me believe it was for real. The Xtrememind forum at the time was also very awesome and full of knowledgeable people in those days that had improved their lives and… they gave me hope I could change mine. Joey Plazo is a good dude btw. Got lots of respect for him.
Ran into dreamweaver in the forum and everyone talking about how well his stuff works. I paid for some energy work from him (kundalini work) and I actually felt energy rushing through my back when he did it. It genuinely blew my mind. At that point I thought he was the real deal and not bsing me. Ran into the sapienmed youtube channel and saw the early audios. I listened to testosterone and that definitely worked for me. Made me overly horny and uncomfortable though.
Other audios though… didn’t feel a thing. I would begin listen to subconscious limits and negative energy removal every 2 to three days (was terrible at remaining consistent) and while I didn’t feel anything although sometimes I would feel a little more clear headed afterwards. And I thought, well its working for all these people in the comments, so it should work for me too right?
But I would also often think when I’d get clearheaded, this is probably placebo effect. Being a hard skeptic, I can’t help but doubt myself and these sorts of things all the time… I wasn’t getting the results I was looking for and I was getting impatient.
And so I was going through this perpetual cycle of getting hopeful because I found something that might actually work but… then falling right back into the same repeating cycle of negative thoughts and bad habits and then… hopelessness. My ego really did everything in its will to keep me where I was. But I didn’t allow myself to give up once again and just still kept pushing and listening to audios (negative energy removal, subconscious limits, later on positive energy for environment). I mean… that’s easy right? Just listening to the audios.
I didn’t know if it was helping but I felt like something was happening. I was beginning to get more clearheaded over the months. But I wanted more. I needed something powerful to push me past all this crap I was holding within. So I bought the ascension and chakra growth field from dream’s old store. To be honest, didn’t feel much of anything from the chakra growth. But the ascension field… I would hold that field for a while… I’d actually feel energy pulsating. But…
Didn’t’ really get much results from it at first. Just kept running into the same problems but just at a higher frequency than before. I figured it was my ego fighting back but… it’s not like I felt I was making any progress. But still I held on to it and always carried that field and chakra growth. (Ascension field did grant me a very powerful ego death experience at one point that I wrote about in dreammagick forum, which helped me come more in terms with all this actually… being true)
Anyways, I kept pushing myself. Kept listening to the audios not missing a day and without thought of them working or not. Kept working out as well. Reading books to better myself. Living life and doing what I got to do. Ended up cutting weed from my life. Slowly but surely I was pushing out a lot of the bad habits I used to have. That all did not happen right away.
It all took a lot of time. And sometimes, I would think I’d get rid of a bad habit and return right back to it. But I never forgot my goal and just kept with it. No expectation. Listen to the audios everyday. Wear my ascension and chakra growth pendant. Slowly but surely I was cutting a lot of my bad habits and growing in many different ways. Feeling less limited by my thoughts… slowly it happened. Like walking up an extremely steep mountain, one step at a time.
Beautiful part about it was I wasn’t giving up. I felt a force pushing me forward. I kept through with all these things. And I had a ton of realizations and experiences in between that’s all too much to share and overly personal. But these events all collectively helped clear a lot of my baggage and make me feel more positive and confident. Then it’d be like months or a year later and I’d think ‘Wow, this field worked!’
I still remember it like it was yesterday. I used to be extremely opinionated and arrogant like I was always right but slowly shifted out of that mindset. Then one day, I find myself seeing things from two points of view and I’m like woah… I never used to be able to do this. And I start playing around with my mind and feeling I had so much more freedom than I did before my thoughts. And then it hits me… ‘subconscious limits dissolver!’ Then another time, I just realized I wasn’t feeling so negative and down all the time and was waking up in a positive mood…. everyday. It then just hit me that ‘positive energy for the environment’ and ‘negative energy removal.’ This energy had become natural to me.
Interestingly enough, with ascension, I got to the point where meat tasted nasty to me and I just ended up going vegetarian. And a host of other things. And over time, I also grew to be much more energy sensitive (chakra growth and ascension in the mix).
It was all a gradual process and it wasn’t something I noticed on a day to day basis. The fields worked. They were a force moving my body, spirit and will in a certain direction through which I went through the right set of experiences to actualize such changes. The background energy the fields emit served as the catalyst for change but me making the effort to change was most important ingredient in the process of self transformation.
The biggest thing though was… never giving up. No matter how much I doubted this stuff in the beginning… I would just listen to the audios or wear the fields anyways. The fields will overtake your current pattern over time. It’s a repetitive energy and no matter how much your ego fights back, that old pattern can’t fight against this new repetitive pattern forever unless you just give it up because ‘it’s not working.’ Your current patterns are morphic fields in themselves and also developed and became as solid as they are over a long period of repetition.
My growth happened over a number of years. It was a long climb up but I wouldn’t trade any of it. I wouldn’t be as open and awesome as I am today if it weren’t that period of darkness. I learned so much from it and those kinds of experiences give me so much more perspective on things. I’m still in the journey and have some things I could work on. I’m not perfect nor will I ever be but I’m happy with who I am and I enjoy being me. That’s all I wanted throughout those years. And I know what it’s like to not feel that way so I empathize very dearly with those who are going through it.
That’s partly why we created this forum. So you guys don’t have to go through it alone. And some of the fields we have out today…. are an incredible resource to help you all on your climb up. Ego dissolution is a treasure as is Amygdala healing. I’m using them to clear some of the hidden baggage I got left in me. I’m going to create a thread of a great ego dissolution meditation me and dream have been doing lately that is easy to do and can help with deconditioning the mind.
As for fields today for me… Fields are as clear as the light of the sun to me. They feel organic and work rapidly for me. It now confuses me when others can’t feel them, especially the new powerful ones lol. But then I remember when I was there too and didn’t feel a thing. So I get the doubt. I get why you’d call us charlatan. All I can say to that is… persistence is key. And keep your head up. We’re all here for you 