This is the main reason I stay. Separating a father and a child feels like a crime to me… Probably because when I think of separation I remember all the good tes they had together. Sometimes I think I really don’t want to ruin the family for the sake of my son. I want him to have a father. I didn’t have one. Maybe I could fix things.
See, that’s basically my mindset when things are calm. When things are toxic, I am the opposite, actively planning to leave. And it just swings from normal to horrible, and it’s been happening more and more often, now it’s basically every day. Fighting every day.
I will get myself ready to leave nonetheless, just so I could have an opportunity. When shit hits the fan.
In medical literature as well as a child who’s mom though and still thinks the same way:
It is more safe for the child’s development both socially and mentally to have divorced parents rather than live in a violent, turbulent environment
The implications are vast. Children typically struggle the first two years post their parent’s divorce but with proper discussions as well as appropriate measures from both parents’ ends, the child develops rather successfully
This cannot be said for the child living in a turbulent violent home.
wow, I can’t believe this woman had to justify herself so many times and bring out so many details to the surface to ‘prove’ that she is emotionally and sexually abused,
I’m sorry if my comment is not helping but I’m agitated everytime I pass by the thread and see the comments, I look at some of the more helpful posts and wish power and resilliance to Ali
But, this is not a good attitude at all.
The thread is literally titled emotional abuse
Thus perceived by the op in many ways than not to be abused in the given situation, and is, at this point, only asking for advice on steering her wheels out of the situation and into better scenarios for her
Some of the men here legit sound like the dysfunctional families you see hurting societies, women and men alike every day
It’s unexplainable how someone would have to bring out all their traumas to the surface just to make one point across
…
I’m highlighting this part for you so you can really read through it again, resolute in your decision. To grow the power to decide is a solid pillar on its own and I hope you find enough resolution in this…
Desiree, your comment IS helping. It is helping a lot. It means so much to me to have people on my side, when I’m alone in this. Thank you. Your words really made me feel better. Thank you so much.
I agree
Thank you Desiree
And Jen and the others
It is appreciated
its not about man vs woman btw
Its about observing how we react to situations thanks to how we’ve been taught by society ; especially the roles being played
Some of us here think its alright to minimize it
But truth is all that does is further divide and make the individual who comes forward only to shrink further away
So it’s a really big honor seeing Ali stand her ground :)
I feel him. I wanted to die cus I was working so much, I can’t imagine having to provide for two.
But that’s an excuse he’s making. We all are obviously good people inside but if you already made up your mind to leave then leave. But if you wanna help him even just a bit then make him question what’s actually hurting him.
Maybe leaving him would make him realize it for himself since he won’t have anyone to lash out on.
I want to help him despite everything. He 's standing by that opinion though. Financial difficulties, zero perspectives, poverty. That’s the way he sees things. He doesn’t believe he is worthy of a good job. It’s a shame cause he has all qualities and qualifications and degrees necessary. I tried to play abundance fields around him, didn’t help. Maybe I need to play blockage removal around him or I don’t know
then there is no need to demonize anyone here, saying some* men are trash doesn’t do anything but cause more evil. That’s why evil still exists because people try to fix it with more evil.
Yes so let’s accept that people have their own perceptions and their own reasons to be how they are. We can also show them new and healthy perspectives.
Well, I don’t really believe he is capable of developing said introspection just by himself, judging by how he turns blame around every single time. I hope there are fields to help with that…
So all the ‘demonizing’ and trash is not of my wording.
A woman who raises her boys to overwork because they ‘have to’ is as unhealthy as a woman who raises her daughter to stay with her husband because ‘he stayed for too long’
Most people do not realize that the duration of the relationship has quite no role in long term quality
People ‘keep’ their partners around for as long as they are reacting,
People are also not supposed to play the role of helpers and pleasers; the role of the bandage is not healthy and often extends the cycle of partners with similar behavior
The string of hope for change is an unhealthy quality on both ends, maybe he will know my worth, maybe he will change for the better one day, maybe, maybe…
A path of uncertainty that one has to endure even more worse events on,
And more continuity of the cycle.
Ok. I missed this part but all i’m trying to say is that if we want to help, we should help both of them. If we can.
If she leaves and then he goes finds another woman everything will repeat itself again. Just because he does not understand himself.
I missed this too , but… this man was just like me! can’t believe it.
I think therapy would be best for him.
And making him a believer. Showing him that it can get better. but if you do this, get better for yourself not for him. If you guys keep in touch then suggest therapy no matter what.
I don’t think fields will help him. He doesn’t even believe it’s possible to be better, he first needs to at least believe it’s possible because this identity of him needs to die for the healthy one to blossom. He is clearly too attached to his worldview, so he will instantly fear what he does not understand.
and if fields do help, i wouldn’t be surprised if it takes months if not years.
, but… this man was just like me! can’t believe it.