Oh wow, so many replies while I was fast asleep. I’ll get back to everyone this evening. Thanks bunches, several awesome options I didn’t even think of and I’ve been around this forum for a while now! 
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I think that maybe you have some subconscious block or limitation, since in the past you thought you didn’t need friends, maybe you subconsciously think that friends are bad or that it’s better to be alone, among other limiting thoughts that modulate your behavior and perception. try tools that serve to release blocks or trauma, disolve limiting belief , forgive and release.
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That’s a part of it for sure. Growing up in a small town with limited amount of kids… sometimes I got told that if there had been any other options then not one of them would have chosen me. It stung. Plus bullying - getting pushed down the stairs, pushed around, stones thrown at me. Fun times. I can kind of see, with hindsight, how I manifested it all but it still stings.
The blockage fields are in my daily stacks. Thanks for the suggestions
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Perhaps the Revision series might be of interest to you?
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oh and another gem that I almost forgot, if you feel uncomfortable in social situations or think that your initiatives are not well reciprocated, try the amethyst field. When I use it, it usually gives me a lot of calm and natural fluidity in a social environment, not so much as charisma, it’s simply a state of effortlessness where things flow well even if you don’t do much just being you.
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They’re on my shopping list. You know, the really long handwritten list with one end in my hand and the other one its way to the moon by now The free ones are in my stacks.
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@anon75179789 It never crossed my mind that one could combine intercession + intention to better connect with new people. I’ve used intercessions but not like that. Thanks for the idea!
@JAAJ These are lessons I keep not learning. Makes perfect sense and yet I find myself running in circles. Time to refocus - again! Thanks for the advice, reminder and that stack. Good stuff.
@Starlight thanks for reminding me about those two. The shopping list grows!
@SoulStar33 Yes, chakra fields for the win. I’m taking a break from them but they are gems.
@anon3411921 Thanks and good luck to both of us!
@anon25711007 I have no idea what my charts look like. Maybe that’s my next research topic 
@Ric_Flair Excellent fields, thanks! Will experiment with them.
And now, back to the the self love playlist. No skipping this time.
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Aren’t some of them on YouTube?
(The Crucible series, which also could be of benefit, require purchase which is why I didn’t initially suggest those.)
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Most of the new ones are. I got confused and was thinking of the crucible series. (Also on my shopping list)
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I can do that with you. Dm me if you want
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Thank you @anon25711007 ! There’s just one problem: I’m not sure of my exact time of birth. It’s within 5 minutes of the time written in my birth certificate but my mother was always adamant that the official time isn’t the correct one. That makes things difficult, right?
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The time number is important if you want to know your ascendant sign. It’s also determine your Nakshatra. But it’s fine really. Just to see general position of your planetary. You’ll find out about your situation and why it’s like that.
But exact birth time will be much much accurate!
Either way it’s alright
Either way. If you do have Saturn in 12 house. No other conjunction. Then it explains why you’re struggling with isolation. Any kind of isolation. This also impacts your social skill. And education at least up to 30. Then later on you will be much better. All the things you wish. Confidence. And anything that you always wanted to have. In younger age. Will be manifested to you.
This is the promise of Saturn. He never deny. But delayed.
If you also have Saturn in 12 house. Then you probably deal with poverty in early life.
Saturn return will bring you great things. I’m in vedic side here. Because western perspective of Saturn return is a mess. But generally speaking.
Once you hit 30 your life will be slowly getting better. Because Saturn finally lessen your karma
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Do you know a good website where I can find out about planetary effects on me?
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I think I might be a good bit older than you think I’ll PM you once I’ve had a chance to ask a couple of older relatives if they know/remember more.
that one doesn’t explain what all the placements mean
I found this one and input my data Free Astrology Birth Chart Report
So I got this table. does it mean I’m more feminine than masculine? or rather that I’m not masculine at all? because that would explain a lot
| masculine | 2 | fire | 1 | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| feminine | 8 | earth | 6 | |
| cardinal | 3 | air | 1 | |
| fixed | 5 | water | 2 | |
| mutable | 2 |
I don’t do tropical chart reading
what even is that lol
thanks anyway
Tropical chart reading is western chart astrology.
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Saturn doesn’t like Leo. So you end up fighting and battling with your own personality. The fight over your personality might be the biggest problem you have. That need to be controlled. Saturn is discipline. And hard work. Maturity and time. When you have this conjunction it means it restricts your freedom from going to enjoy those things. At least until the age of 30-35