yes, i appreciate all the perspectives that others have…and i was describing moments of the past when i was like 9 or 10 years old…
reminds me of this story of a Shaman who was passing thru the city somewhere in South America…i can’t remember if it was Peru or Brazil…but here’s a man who is in a peaceful oneness state…and he got approached gunpoint…he took off his watch and took the wallet out of his pocket…but he quickly developed a rapport with them…he saw they were hungry, so he willingly gave them the money in his wallet to get food, but he said “you can also have my watch, but you probably don’t need my Driver license and business cards…” they appreciated the fact that he knew they were hungry, so they let him have his wallet back…
he was in a state of oneness, but he still got robbed…just like me when i was like 10 years old
but i understand what you’re pointing out…that was long ago, and i should be more specific in describing what happened…
i can see that i did reach a little state of oneness at that age now that you pointed it out to me…it’s because often times people would come up to me, “you want me to take care of them for you?”.(they were going to beat him up)…and i would always respond the same way whenever i got asked that…i refused because some of the kids were just hungry, i had compassion for them…
but the one kid who i kicked in the knee, he was way taller and overweight…it was clear he wasn’t hungry at all, just someone abusing his power, but i didn’t hold a grudge against him…i actually got friendly with him afterwards…i could have rounded up all the other short kids who got robbed by him and jump him, but i didn’t because of that one moment where i kicked his knee and he let out a painful breath…he looked at me not wanting to retaliate, like he deserved it…that look he gave me when that happened was like a silent apology…and sometimes an apology is all that’s needed to dispel a dispute…
i studied martial arts at that age, but whenever i fought someone, i never used the skills…i toned it down so much…so, that’s another form of compassionate oneness…
i realize i have to be more specific in my words…i guess since i used to rap, i use all types of metaphors and similies sometimes lol…
so, instead of the word prey, it’s just a moment of transmutation of an unfortunate circumstance that turned into a peacful understanding…
the skinny kid who robbed me before was clearly hungry, so i didn’t retaliate…
the tall overweight kid, i unfortunately responded violently, but we became friendly after that…
being more clear about this made me also want to be more clear about something else…
when i spoke of angry tears and doing revenge before…i wasn’t talking about bullies or being shot at…that’s regular petty stuff a lot of neighborhoods in the city go through…i hold no grudges for any of that…
i just don’t even like saying or reading the words of it…it’s a specific type of abuse to kids they call them a “C.M.” …i don’t want to say the word, but maybe you can guess what it is…it didn’t happen to me, just people around me that i had no idea was going on…certain untrustworthy people should not be around, and being the loving accepting kind of person might not be able to detect those shady personalities…
and that’s the anger that blocks me from oneness, not that other stuff i mentioned…the other stuff i mentioned has zero stress on me…
it’s just that when i think about the real blockage of my oneness, others would misperceive it like i’m directing that anger towards them, so naturally, they might want to challenge me to a fight…
that’s why i’m in seclusion…i don’t want to hurt anybody that was the result of me thinking about C.M’s…
and when i said God took care of him before i could get to him, he died of natural causes…i thought that would make me feel better, but it didn’t because there are so many of them and i would meet so many people that’s been thru that…like people who actually lived the lives of the Menendez brothers but never retaliated like they did…
i met one healer who was a child slave who was forced to do stuff…but she reached a state of balance to become a healer…that’s what i was talking about in my desmond tutu post above…
that’s why i’m here…to try to learn how to reach that state of balance…
