I thought I didn’t quite feel ready for another Journey post, but I’m following my Essence’s cue.
I spent time at the temple meditating. It came down to this:
I asked for forgiveness in straying from my Path (God’s will). I asked for help in the footsteps to walking that Path in the waking world.
Silence.
I was already forgiven, so, why no movement?
I looked at myself and saw chaos/disaray.
I hadn’t forgiven myself for consciously leading myself astray. And using my free will to walk a path unaligned with my Self. I was still disconnected. I spent the hours meditating forgiving multiple aspects of myself and finally felt freedom, and movement.
The remainder of the period was opening all the windows I shut from God’s access, ready to live from Truth again, not from illusion.
I see how many things manifested from shutting those doors.
I see the pain I caused myself by allowing myself to experience illusion fully, and thinking illusion could lead me better, since I wasn’t achieving what I desired. The hurt aspect was triggered and grew, to the point of convincing the rest of me to go off path.
I see now, at that crucial moment, when I was faced with someone deeply connected with God, recognizing Me, and sending me such strong waves that Saw me, why I was triggered so badly.
Being Seen at that strong of a wavelength triggered the unresolved aspects that felt I could not achieve what it desired in a fully Spiritual, Limitless life. I was on the precipice of leaving the “other” behind. I was relating significantly less with 90% of people and was looking into monasteries. Those aspects kicked back — hard, against the clear seeing. It grabbed the unresolved aspects and ran. It split me.
Going back to that moment in meditation, I was able to witness how allowing myself to come into acceptance at that point would have prevented me from encountering all that came following that point.
Because that point led me to seeking love from a place that was disconnected from Truth, from GOD. It led me to a relationship that was partially what I wanted, and partially things that terrified me.
It led me to a job that partially was what I wanted, gave me an opportunity to be a role model for so many great children, and yet is led by evil leadership that snuffs out every growing seed possible.
It led me to seek stability at the home I landed in, despite my immediate intuitions about those I were to live with. When R1 asked me to tap into her situation with her ex, I immediately saw “TOXIC” instead. I pushed past all the intuition, as during that time the unresolved aspect was in the drivers seat.
So, coming back to me, I forgive myself for leading myself astray. I see the damage that occurs from separating from the Self which is connected to All That Is. I see that yes, it is illusion. It may feel “real” in its density. But it is weak. It is chaotic. It is Not It.
I’ll be returning to Self. I’ll be letting myself embrace God aspect once again. Releasing the notion that illusion knows better.
It’s funny how I was named in this life. I am learning more about illusion than I ever thought I would, beyond the shallow into the depths. I see how it allows us to be given “life” and I see how when we live by its laws and accept its cycles as all there is, it can wreck us. But when we balance it with Truth and beyond, it is a feature, a tool, of this Given life, not something that rules us.
I trust following my (ME) Essence will get me out of this mess. I am listening.
I also got actual advice so it is double helpful.
I’ve never looked at the Mystic Tarot or Sabían Symbols, and I appreciate the heads up about the warnings. I will check them out today. Im also glad you’re receive positive results and messages through it. I am going to the temple to meditate and will try this out then. I appreciate you reaching out 
