How to stop people pleasing/caring about what others think

Ask for Advice
#1

sorry for asking so many questions on this forum and thank you everyone for always being kind enough to help

i have this problem since i was a small child, i can’t stop people pleasing, im shy in some contexts and i really think about what theyre opnion is going to be about me. i feel like i feel this way because i haven’t made any really deep long lasting connections in my life ever so im craving that really badly because ive never experienced it so its leading me to people please subconsciously to try get that connection.
i dont understand when people say you should be happy on your own because human connection is literally the most important thing in life and it hurts 1000 times more when you’ve never had that

Literally ill replay the convo in my head and say “did i say that right” or “why did i say that”. I just wanna stop being a slave to other peoples opnion
what could help?

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#2

Low esteem

You need to counteract low self esteem with higher self esteem.

So many fields help with that. You got

Unconditional Love
Malleable Ego
Acceptance
Various self love fields
SLR 3.0

It’s evident what you need at the moment.

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#3

i think i love myself tho. I love all my qualities about myself but i just struggle in connecting with others on a deeper level, i run out things to say or say awkward things and people make fun of me sometimes and im seen as weird and annoying according to some people

#4

You probably want something from them.
Rejecting that part of you causes even more problems cause then it is even more dependent on others.
I know it is being repeated often but accepting that part of you helps.
It is also not meant to get you to a state where you “don’t give a fu**” about them anymore. It is more like you accept yourself/your opinion more and in turn can accept others also more.

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#5

I was like you man, needing to please others, didn’t want to make myself look stupid, couldn’t formulate conversations and what did that do for me? Depression alongside mixed feelings about myself and the world.

I say this honestly, that doesn’t sound like a person with an optimal self esteem would say. When I say increase your self esteem, what I am truly saying is accept how you are, it’s ok if you cannot do this or that. That is what it means to have optimal self esteem.

It’s a bit of a long journey to get there and to be happy with the way you are while still improving, but you got fields for that mate.

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#6

= seeking external validation = lack of self love

Solution: Increase Self Love

Really?
Then why did you start this thread in the first place?
And furthermore:

…people only treat you as good you as you believe you deserve to be treated and as you allow them to treat you.

Why do you still care then?
And would a high self esteem person hang out around such people?

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#7

Have u tried working with Root Chakra field from Mandelbrot Symphony?

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#8

thank you all for the advice <33

but if i increase self love, ill still not be able to connect with other people i feel like because its not my self love thats the problem its my type of personality. Its different from normal, and people don’t like people who are different

i also run out things to say too quickly and come off as boring, i don’t wanna be a lone wolf i want real relationships

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#9

ill give that a shot, thx

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#10

U mean ENFJ? :D

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#11

@Mouldytea In addition - Extreme self confidence/self esteem. Depths of your soul. Revision of childhood. Archetype of parental love.

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#12

  1. This is an excuse of the ego to not work on your self esteem and remain as you are. Are you really that “special” that there are no people whom you could ever connect with? That’s a big limiting belief and a lie the ego likes to tell itself. “Oh I am so special, no one can ever please me and my special personality”.

  2. Your personality will change as a result of increased self love. It is not like your personality is fixed and set. Most of what you call “personality” is simply a collection of beliefs and assumptions. None of this is the real you.

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The Ascension-naut
#13

It might be from abandonment. In the US at least, people are trained to be psychopaths from a young age, and in turn this creates “what have you done for me lately” type of relationships where someone will drop you at a moment’s notice, at no fault of your own. It trains you to ask, “What’s wrong with me?” and if you have an overly-analytical mind, it gets turned back on you and ends up destroying your self-esteem as you wallow in all of your perceived shortcomings and mistakes. It also comes from living in a low-trust society with many, many social options, online at least, and the wanting to have what you perceive everyone else has. This desire creates suffering.

People also ridicule those they perceive as better than them, as it’s a projection of insecurity. People project all over the place: the most outwardly “masculine” men are often the most overly (in)sensitive and weak, and the most “beautiful”’ women often have the ugliest souls. People may unconsciously distance themselves from you because you’re craving connection with others so much that you’ve put them all on pedestals, and like the perpetual virgin pining after that lust for intimacy, have made it totally about you instead of a give and take (or receive). Simply put, it’s too much, and it creates a negative feedback loop of anxiety, over-analysis, depression, and loneliness. It seems the solution is either find others in the same situation as you are and live in that toxic stew, or relax and seek what you enjoy without community or the approval of others. I will argue that human connection is not the most important thing in life. It’s important, but it isn’t the apex. I understand if you’ve never tasted this how it could be absolutely crippling, however if you turn your focus towards your interests and stop putting so much pressure on yourself, the parts of you that have been strangled may naturally fill back in, solving the problem. If your interests are too esoteric this might just make the problem worse, but in any case I would say either find the beauty in loneliness or commit to changing your projections. I’ve been on both sides of the fence and there’s beauty and despair in each, a microcosm of the truth.

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#14

Non Judgmental Acceptance (Mind Program Series 1) will do you well.

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#15

You need to realize that any judgment from people comes from their own insecurity. Any one in this world that judges you do it because of their own insecure reflection of a distorted perception that is falsehood due to lack of love.
The truth is love, so when somebody judges for lack of worth means that they put themselves, on a pyramid of comparison which already shows that they have giving power away, to a distortion of duality.

By seen this in a higher perspective, and by understanding things you can take things less personal because you realize, that you don’t have to impress anybody in this world, the most powerful liberated people (spiritualty which is true self liberation ‘‘less ego’’) in the world will love you for who you are, while does who are weaker, will bring you down and judge you, which means, there is literally nothing to fear or feel embarrassed about.

Most people in their subcons want to have a good image about themselves, fully let go of that, the need to appear, good human, spiritual, mature, confident in order to install a good image to feel liked, and respected instead, be okay with how any ones pictures, you.

You don’t have to feel insecure about peoples insecurities, because only does who judge you lack something within themselves, there is literally nothing that can judge you in this universe. Maintain this type of higher perspective, and see things for the actuality of it, with love and understanding realize, only hurt people hurt people, so instead of taking peoples judgment personally you realize they only want to be loved, and lack understanding, so feel love, instead of feeling self conscious.

Anything that tries to put you down live in a place of dis empowerment nothing in this universe can bring you down because the actuality and truth, is that you are a being of infinity value due to your divinity and divine potential. Anything that tries to put you down, is an act of falsehood, because it doesn’t reflect truth, but distortion.

So see yourself in a divine level and everything in a divine level with love, don’t take the silliness, of the world personally, in fact its all silly, its like a children’s school but see that with love. There is nothing to fear, once you have found your inner radiance of love

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#16

Agrimony from the new Wildflower Album? for first aid…

" The agrimony personality is a peacemaker. He or she is uncomfortable with confrontations and so does his or her best to avoid them at all costs. The agrimony individual does as much as possible to ensure that everyone is enjoying themselves; he or she is a people-pleaser. "

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#17

Just because you upset other people or didn’t please others, doesn’t mean you did something wrong. Whether you did something wrong or not depends on what you did.
If they hate you because of that, then they are not real friends. You don’t need fake friends. You just need people who treat you sincerely.

watch this this is a very good video

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#18

What this video fails to address (and this is a general issues with his channel and all the channels alike) is that they give you instructions of how to behave differently to the external world, while not realizing that with fixing your internal, especially things like Self Love, you will then automatically adjust your external behavior. Once you fix your self esteem, you will automatically do all those things.

Otherwise, those external behavior adjustments will be needed to be done forever and ever. At the constant cost of willpower and mental energy. No one can sustain this longterm.

It is one of those pseudo “red pill” channels. While it is all logical and reasonable at first, they never address the real issues (the internal subconscious issues) and how to fix them. It is a typical “Tony Robbins Motivational Channel” – people love to listen to those but they almost never actually change something in their lives because of this.

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#19

oh 0w0
should I stop watching his video then?

#20

If it helps you, you can watch it. Maybe you will learn new stuff that you can utilize later. Just be aware that these videos are mostly superficial motivation, not actual real change. One can waste a lot of time listening to these without changing anything in one’s life. The illusion of “being productive and moving forward” while one is actually staying the same.

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